Six thousand eyes were evenly spread across Sarah's grey bedroom ceiling.

Her room was furnished with only a white plywood table and an aluminum frame bed.

All six thousand eyes looked different, as if each belonged to another person.

Some were green, some were blue, most of them were black.

Most eyes looked tired yet tense, as if in weeks-long distress, blinking frequently.

Some eyes looked calm, slowly blinking once in a while.

All eyes looked around the room independently, carefully guiding their gaze, watching the room intently.

She rested her head against the wall as she sat lazily upon her untidy bed.

She heard her Father's footsteps coming up the stairs towards her bedroom.

Her Father gave the door a single gentle knock - suddenly all six thousand eyes jolted wide open and looked towards the door.

Slowly, tears started to form in every eye making them glisten.

The eyes shook with intensity.

The door opened.

And as the door opened, every eye blinked at once, sending a heavy rain upon her bedroom.

.

.

.

.

The door closed.

It was her birthday and she had nothing.

Strict discipline lead me here - every cut a work of art.

Coherence an illusion, doomed from the start.

Chaos increases, making me writhe and sink.

I pull the trigger, my room now white and pink.

Among a thousand eyeless faces, alone I stand.

Worlds apart, you and I, seek to walk hand in hand.

As crystal marbles fall from a cold and raked sky.

With my flame extinguished, my voice frail, I fly.

Across these evergrey streets, stone stages for plays utterly sad.

Corpses in thick coats float along, in fear and angst they're clad.

Cold winds rip my empty face to shreds for the hundred thousandth time.

My eyes go black as old familiar desperation takes what's mine.

Faint warm lights behind windows lightly stained.

Illuminating the shell of a once grand dream.

Faint warm lights behind eyes dreary and drained.

Illuminating the eyes of a face rarely seen.

I am the wailing unclean spirit, born in a palace of corruption.

I am the wide mouth of the glutton, bearing the daggers of consumption.

I am the tension ever rising, in the wake of my regret.

I am the hopeful father's soul, on the long way to repent.

I am the hedonistic mercenary, flaying children with a smile.

I am Christ upon the cross, my disciples drowned in bile.

I am the sprawling army waiting, a vanguard of mistrust.

I am a kneeling God in exile, a tarnished icon of disgust.

Watch as I dissect myself.

Watch as I destroy myself.

For I am the omnipresent ghost of lust, in a world of black and red.

For I am the bane of self-acceptance, seething among the dead.

Nina built castles in a place far away

Nina built towers in a place far away

Nina used laughter to keep it at bay

Nina had nothing to keep it at bay

Every house had turned into a grave, Nina was here, Nina was here

Every bed had turned into a grave, Nina was here, Nina was here

Every thought had turned into a wave, Nina in fear, Nina in fear

Every girl had turned into a slave, Nina will hear, Nina will hear

No one had seen her on the way to the car

No one had heard her on the way to the car

Her eyes were kept fresh inside of a jar

Her pearl was kept clean inside of a jar

On a merry-go-round, she was left screaming

On the way to the car, she was left squealing

The mailman walks past, as Nina hangs from the ceiling

A cockroach is squashed, as Nina hangs from the ceiling.

I did not cry when my best friend ended his life.

He was useless.

My house is a shit-filled silo underneath a permanently overcast sky.

This town is a happy place with happy people, nobody here cries when their loved ones kill themselves.

I did not cry when I was defiled that humid night.

Yesterday, my dog was bitten by a snake, he vomited blood all over the porch, I was more than happy to lick it all up as he pleaded for help.

I did not cry when he succumbed to the snake's vicious venom.

I did not cry when I lost my limbs that humid night.

Every morning, the mailman greets me with a warm smile, as I'm elbow deep inside of my dead friend's corpse.

He's not useless anymore.

I love to relive the moment on that merry-go-round.

Everything was at it's place, I was free of adversity, free of pain and free of all mortal burden.

My vision was clear as my very being was impaled.

Every night I laugh at myself, I am so happy about losing my pearl, my God and my friend.

I dared the boy to jump off the bridge and he leaped to his untimely demise.

I laughed out loud as his body disappeared under the rusty railing.

I heard a deafening noise as his glass body shattered.

I shall never have a nervous breakdown ever again.

Off with my head, I extinguished his flame, I rejoice with my friends as we sway in the stinging wind.

I, a formless being, an abomination in a swamp of piss and spit, reaching towards a blinding light.

When I lost my pearl on the way to the car, I screamed your name, I couldn't help but laugh like a sickly hyena when you didn't answer my cry.

Please let me go on a merry-go-round!

I want to lose my limbs on a merry-go-round!

I want to be slaughtered on a merry-go-round!

Let's all get r[]ped on a merry-go-round!

Her second-born exploded right then in her arms, she screamed, I screamed, my dreams have been so lovely ever since.

I will forever be grateful for your guidance. Thank you so much for taking me to the dance that night.

"There's still the taste of vomit in my mouth. I shouldn't forget to pray every evening!"

I lost all my limbs on a merry-go-round.

When the soil gives way and my teeth shift around in my mouth, all is well in my chamber of joy.

My daughter will be a dirty whore and my son will be a successful lawyer.

My black hair adorn my head like an obsidian crown.

I am my own vanguard in times of war.

I lost my eyes on a merry-go-round.

Nina lost her limbs on a merry-go-round

Nina lost her eyes on a merry-go-round

Nina had a friend buried deep underground

Nina had a fiend buried deep underground

A purple woolen scarf marked where she was broken

An ivory column marked where she was broken

A sacrilegious evening, the truth left unspoken

A panic-driven struggle, the truth left unspoken

Nina lost her pearl on the way to the car

Nina lost her God on the way to the car

Her flower was replaced with a hideous scar

Her face was replaced with a hideous scar

Nina was stabbed on a merry-go-round

Nina was r[]ped on a merry-go-round

Sarah stood in front of the stained mirror, the dim light bulb barely illuminating the empty and cold bathroom. A dreary figure on the mirror's surface like the rotten portrait of an anemic ghoul marked by constant mutilation. Eyes injected with pig's blood, saliva laced with nicotine and lips lined with fine mycelial strands. Her long and thick black hair hung down the sides of her slender head like a silken hood. She closed her eyes and gently whispered to herself:

"Lecherous is my sucking at my fingertips to taste the remnants of your skin under my icy fingernails. I find myself writhing in my chaos of a life for your substance tears my reality apart like leathery membranes ripped away by a butcher's calloused hands. You poisoned me a thousand times to free me of a lordless life, just once more, I'll be just fine."

The syllables rolled of her tongue as if reciting a poem she diligently learned by heart. She knew these words weren't truly hers. Who these words really belonged to however, she did not know, nor did she know why they made her feel so implausibly sheltered.

"I must love what you've done to me.", she murmured.

These words on the other hand were truly hers. She was firmly convinced of that, yet no other thought in her head was at all cohesive, let alone clear. She could not tell dream from memory, thought from delusion, she was like a flesh puppet drenched in confusion, dragged through the gutter and left with nothing but a cold yet burning skin. Her reflection grew more grim by the second.

As the young and slender Sarah stood there breathing shallow breaths of tainted reminiscence, a light brown cockroach climbed up her right forearm which she rested on the side rim of the chipped sink in front of her. Sarah opened her eyes slowly as she felt the insect making its way up her arm and shoulder. With a frail and faint smile she guided her dark gaze onto the pill-shaped vermin as it stopped its quick march on top of her boney shoulder. Sarah turned her head to the right with her empty eyes staring intently at her new found friend, her vague smile now resembling a deprived grin. With great desire, she stretched out her tender tongue towards the bizarrely abhorrent little creature.

Without skipping a beat, the roach swiftly opened its wings and propelled itself onto Sarah's moist tongue with one rather clumsy yet quick leap. Her tongue shimmered ever so slightly under the muted cold white light, with the insect now perfectly in the middle of it. Slowly and with her mouth wide open as to not push the roach off with her upper lip, Sarah retracted her tongue and closed her mouth. Ever so gently, she pressed the cockroach against the roof of her mouth with the small creature showing no signs of struggle or even mild discomfort. After a brief moment, Sarah once again closed her eyes and smiled in enjoyment as the insect began to melt into a viscous honey-like concoction. This instantly sent Sarah into a divine state of endless delight, her body convulsing as she savored the thick syrup, pressing and rubbing her tongue against the roof of her mouth to spread the sweet substance around in her entire oral cavity.

Once the exhilarating honey, which was once a most undesirable vermin, mixed just enough with the girls saliva - she swallowed, which caused the pale Sarah to utter a primal and pleasure-filled moan as she tilted her head back, her eyes still closed. Upon ingesting the grotesque yet luscious fluid, Sarah felt as if countless arms of infinite ecstasy embraced her body, swarming her with sinful satisfaction. An intense minute had passed until the active agent sunk its teeth into every cell of her body. Sarah breathed heavily as she swung the bathroom door open and proceeded down a dark hallway towards a sliver of light shining through the crack of a door on the left, a mere four steps ahead. As she opened the door she was met with an almost empty room a light bulb hung from the middle of the ceiling giving of a subdued and cold light. Only a midsized bed with navy blue bed sheets surrounded by empty wine bottles, cigarette packs and razorblade wrappers stood in one corner of the room. A plain white nightstand with a handwritten note stood next to the unadorned bed. Sarah, slowly and with gentle steps, walked towards the bed and took one big stride with her left leg onto the bed to avoid stepping on the trash. She flung herself onto the bed and lay down on her back, a satisfied smile sneaking onto her silky lips as the warmth of the cockroach's elixir sent warm waves of coziness through her limbs making her neglect that in fact, she's never been in this place before. Still, she closed her eyes and whispered lustfully:

"I must love what you will do to me."