I am not okay
unless I am in pain
I feel better when I’m losing
than I do when I gain.
when others have worse lives than me
I feel sick inside
until I can self-sabotage in some way
I feel like crap, and I don’t know why.
I’m happy when I’m sick
maybe I have a terrible disease?
as stressing all the time weakens my body
I grow more and more pleased!
when I write I feel like I am making something I care about
not just sitting around, full of self-pity
even though I'll never stop hurting myself
when I die I hope people can enjoy my poetry.
I am not fat.
I just have an actual stomach.
With three inches of skin over
my six pack abs
whose visibility does not correlate to athletic ability.
I do not obsess over this skin.
Although I do find it fascinating that
the outer layer of skin is called the epidermis.
It protects you from disease.
That's right
I pay attention in science class.
Why?
Because I have the energy to enjoy life
rather than skipping meals to look good.
In the end,
when we are old and wrinkly,
my brain will be in better shape than anyone else's.
Before you judge my appearance
Being in my mind is like being,
Butt naked in a cold stone bathtub
While it slowly fills with acid
Mercilessly stomped on
With hundreds of knives under your back
Cold, and alone on a rainy day
As lonely gnaws at you from the inside out
So, before you judge my appearance
Try living in my head for a week.