You stand in front of the mirror, thinking. The past few years you have struggled. You have struggled to keep your life in order. Really, you have struggled FOR your life. You close your eyes and remember the pain you suffered through, you remember the tears and the absolute anguish of feeling completely alone. You remember the pain you caused yourself and others. You open your eyes with a deep breath and look down at your arm. The scars are a reminder, they tell you day in and day out that you can survive, that you DID survive. You smile at your reflection, you have hope, you have love, what else would person need?

The first lesson you learn in life is that life is hard. It just is. You look in the mirror everyday and dont like what you see, but you are stuck with who you are, you are stuck in this body you don’t identify with, the body that doesn’t feel like you. You wake up every morning wanting to stay in bed and pray to god that you sink into the mattress and just disappear. From school, family, and friends, from everything. Absolutely everything. You show up to school regardless though, because that's what's expected from you, and god forbid you let anyone down. You see your friends and paste the artificial smile you have been using since middle school, you laugh with them, cry with them, fight with them, but never really feel like a part of them. You force yourself to do the schoolwork, force yourself to study so you can get by the tests, so your parents stay relatively happy. ‘But what about you, what about your own happiness’ your therapist continuously questions. You shake your head and smile that sad, tired smile only he has been allowed to see. ‘My happiness is irrelevant, it's impossible even, unachievable.’

NOTE

idk it’s been a while Since I’ve written and I was bored so this is random