Slipping Away

I've come a long way since I joined Prose. I'm certainly not as clueless as I used to be and that's saying a lot because I was really clueless. I felt really stupid and it's not because I am stupid but it's because I don't catch on to things as fast as I would like which if I'm thinking about it might qualify as being stupid and if not stupid it certainly qualifies as being slow.

When I first started, I met people and made acquaintances. There were people I met here on Prose and kind of knew. Some I knew better and some I knew less than better. I thought that if I could make enough friends there would always be someone to talk to. It's kind of like putting eggs in a lot of different baskets. If one person wasn't available or didn't want to talk, there would be someone else who would and that way I wouldn't be lonely. My idea worked. I knew enough people that would talk to me that if I wanted some company, I could find it. That way I'm not relying on one or two people. I mean who wants someone hanging on them all the time.

But the thing about time is that it changes people. Billy Joel sings in his song "Baby Grand" that he "had friends but they slipped away." That's what happened to me. I wouldn't say that I was deserted but time takes people in different directions and now I don't have anyone.

I hard part is always getting noticed. Sometimes it works but a lot of times it doesn't. There are people who believe there is someone for everyone. I'm not one of those people but if that's it really the case, how do those two people destined for each other meet up. It just happens through dumb luck, but I digress.

I would love to complain about the injustices of being ignored or failing to attract the attention of anyone and I guess I'm kind of doing that.

The thing is I have a hard time blaming anyone for ignoring me. Society is brutal and attention is not always a good thing. If am unable to grab anyone's attention, it's not their fault. There is someone who would find me interesting if they took the time to find out, I just haven't run into that person yet.

Well, actually I have run into that person. It took a long, long, long, time to run into that person and now they are gone. When I ran into this person, I didn't believe in love but they made me rethink my position because I felt love. I don't have the words to describe it.

Now it's gone and I'm rethinking my position. The thing is my heart isn't broken. I'm not sad. I'm grateful for the opportunity to have felt something I never thought I would ever feel. When I think about it now, I feel peaceful bliss. I don't even feel sad thinking that this may be the only time in my entire life I will ever feel this way.

I'm not looking for romance, I'm just looking for a friend. Is that too much to ask? For most people it is and that's okay.