Instead of picking up my phone

I pick up my pen and write about

what happened

You said you’d come after me

You said you’d take me to

the spring

I wonder what your hair looks like glistening in the daylight

Above the water, blue and green

I imagine you

Holding me in the depths of the chilly chasm

My legs wrapped tightly

around your waist

Chills from your touch intensified by the brisk aquifer

Would take away my breath

And warm my longing soul

How harrowing— it’s just

a dream:

A nightmare living with

a false memory

of that time at the spring

My pen can’t right the wrong

that’s in my bosom

The ”what if’s” the “could have been’s”

A spring of affliction.

Let me say this one thing

you didn’t say it back

I think you know what I mean

you raced through the streets

All for a spot beneath the bridge

Back seat candlelight moment

Our lips when they met

made me forget about fear

made me believe in impossibility

oh, to hold your face in my hands

I wanted to mend all that’s

broken in you

To hold your hand and kiss

you again

and listen to Blink 182

in the backseat of your car

kicked off my shoes

only to lose myself

in your arms

Goodbye my

twin flame

may we meet

again

a shimmering burn

for the churn

it’s not right

to say hold tight

the last touch

a subtle flush

electric rush

crimson blush

upside down

is right side up

a small token

for vow broken

the otherness

an unknown bliss

ripple effects

hurried breaths

quaking chest

laid to rest

no inquiry

pride to bury

emerald music

tastes like magic

a hundred sleeps

a sigh of relief

final hour

new turns sour

all the flame

fell to icy shame

Could we bare witnesses as brothers and sisters

To the window of the abyss

I watch a silence sweep over the glass

Press my ear to the dirt

Glimpse the centipede march along

Tiny steps of a simple primitive life

Do not leave an unsightly blight

A master puppeteer shows off an

electric dragon with all bells and whistles

I watch trapped as a death head moth to a shiny flame.

A fall storm blankets a region

With record breaking rain.

The waterslide washes away an entire community in one fell swoop.

Putrid water flows through a mountainous region

Would a CAT 6 hurricane

push the dial of progress further?

Alas, Gale force winds don’t upend

sprawling mansions

A child clings to the idea of heat and storm as equalizer

While suits gather in castles to

deliberate in office chairs

While the sky is falling everywhere

Do we care enough

to stop the hush?

I watch the silence sweep

over the glass

A flower awakes and welcomes a fly’s proboscis which swallows

sweet nectar

A metamorphosis of forest and sea

Peels back the skin

Exposed Nature declares her win

Over the brilliant time of men.

The hourglass whispers where

one unfurls his wares

Shh shh, tick tock

Time to settle still

A stone may be a throne

but only for a little

The hourglass is fickle

Speeds up in sunshine

Slows down in winter

Shh shh, Tick tock

A mouse runs up the clock

A mansion for vermin

The hourglass sounds shimmer

Along a winding river

The bear grazes berry splendor

A skipping stone of stars

Shh shh, tick tock

A start from a jack-in-the-box

Shh shh, tick tock

Shh shh, tick tock

A conscience despot

Paves a grand palace

Which does one day

crumble and decay

to Humble sand in vain

Wails in the spotlight

Date, weight, time—here I am world

Wonder in my eyes

Creature of the wind

Conch shells and fairy tails mend

Unkept promises

Disillusion

Student loan and car payment

Is this really it?

Finding peace of mind

Cultivating vibrant paths

Actualizing self

Final curtain call

Reminisce of multitudes

Winter white goodnight

A cat loves in whiskery ways

A cat plays in clandestine chase

A cat hisses to say, ‘I don’t play’

A cat zooms when the human sleeps

A cat calls bird with chitter-cheeps

A cat says ‘you’re family’ with a slow blink

A cat is a pawsitive companion, to be sure

For even when it rains, a cat, does she purr

Once upon a cruel summer

I found you, a shimmering

shell on the beach.

You locked eyes with me

From then on

We would walk and talk about nothing in particular

Kept dreams in my pocket I gradually turned out for you.

Those days of my youth

Are rose-colored by the lilt of your laugh

The crease of your dimpled cheek.

That stupid thing you said that had me bent over dying.

The day that you told me you’d love me forever.

Should have found a way to bottle that up.

It’d sell like funnel cakes at the fair and remind lovers of when finger brushed hair, tight embraces and sucking faces was the only care.

Cut to—the smell of your skin on mine.

A remnant of the night we shared.

A keepsake of how we breathed, chests heaved, bodies wreathed.

Do you still think about the way you twirled me in the rain?

My clothing clung to me and you said, “You’re so fucking pretty, it kills me.”

I kissed you so hard I tasted blood

but you just carried me away and we made love.

Once upon a cruel summer

Walking and talking about nothing in particular.

Those hot nights of my youth

I bet you miss them.

I know I still do.

Neighbors come and go--

Kent was shot, case of mistaken identity

The Jacksons were evicted

Don't know and don't care if Jose

is an illegal immigrant.

I like the music he plays on holidays

Heavy mariachi, exulted gritos

Simmer in the sweaty air

The most savory notes of tannins

The sideways glances on peoples' faces

When I say I live in the hood

You?

Why, You don't look "the type"

But listen to this hype:

Sure--I've fed the vagrant or two

Who've come knockin' on my door

Yet, they know the only constant

is change

They know life--

it hangs in the balance

Especially when gunshots

rip roar

Just blocks away, down Pearl

Cats spit and linger on the front porch

The jowls beg and beg,

Until they are fed

or on the side of the road dead

They too remind me

We

Are

All

Tryin

To

Quell

Hunger

Trying to find some shelter

From the summer thunderstorm

And keep alive

And keep warm

And so, I say when you step

Out your front door

Are you reminded on the daily

What you're livin' for?

Well, I think we are

here in the dirty air

I for one know what for

I see how the passersby flex

Used to wonder and I don't any more

If you don't look like prey

Onlookers will let you go on your merry way

Kent, The Jacksons, the Mexicans across the street

Are a picture of our humanity,

Even in indignity

Who've loved, suffered and lost

Just like me.

“The Romans would use a communial sponge which soaked in a pool of chemicals to clean their asses,” my husband, the history major said.

”The idea of using the same sponge as a number of people for cleaning my butt is just gross,” I called out.

My father-in-law, Tim, chimed in, “What about a bidet? We could buy one off Amazon.”

“I am not having cold water shoot up my ass, thank you,” Maritza lit.

”We can buy one with a heated setting and even a dryer, if you’re willing to spend more money,” I said.

“Hmm. I just don’t know how I feel about it. Let’s just cut back on how much toilet paper we’re using. My sister says she only uses two squares to wipe her ass. And then she folds it and uses the other side too!” Maritza declared.

We all made faces of disgust and laughed as we unloaded the groceries and put them away as usual. Except my mother-in-law, already the germaphobe before the pandemic, instructed her husband to throw away all the bags that entered the house and clean the surfaces where any bag lay upon the counter.

”I saw some doctor on the news explain how to properly bring in groceries safely,” she explained.

It struck me as an odd juxtaposition to be carrying on laughing and putting away groceries like we always did when it felt like the world had altered so suddenly with the outbreak of the coronavirus.

Toilet paper may seem an important resource, and sure, keeping yourself hygienic is an important part of wellness. However, it occured to me that my family was the most precious of resources. I’m not going through this alone because I have them to joke and laugh with. I only wish other families were as lucky.