You and I
I talk about school, about how West Point wolves lost to the North Umbers tigers again, about how everybody’s gearing up for homecoming, about how Nathan Reeds asked out Rachel Summers and got turned down once again.
He did it in front of the whole class too. Seriously, why make it public if you know you are going to be humiliated?
“I don’t get it. Why would anybody put themselves in that position? Why take the risk?”
“I don’t know. Why did Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit?” You say.
I give you a dumbfounded look, not seeing where you were going with this. “Because they were tricked by a mean spirited snake? I’m not too familiar with the-”
I had answered your rhetorical question with every sarcastic venom it deserved but your sudden kiss stops it short.
You pull back slowly, giving me a sad smile, “Because they wanted something more.”
Why did you take that bite? You, who have so little time left?
I didn’t return to the hospital after that day. I tried my hardest to forget about you, to return things to the way they were before I met you. Before you forever altered my mind.
Because now I have something to lose. And I’m very afraid.
You return to school not long after. I avoided you and after the first couple of tries, you knew enough to take the hint. Things were finally back to normal.
And yet, what is this unwanted, unsettling feeling of discontent? It’s like with that one kiss I got a glimpse of a thousand possibilities, a thousand granted wishes, a thousand butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
“Something on your mind?” You ask.
Before I knew it I had let my guard down and my feet has found their way to you. Or was it you who ran into me? I don’t know.
I shake my head. I’m so tired. “I’m tired of thinking.”
Wordlessly, you put your arms around me and pull me in. We stay that way for a long while.
“You know, when I think about how little time I have left,” you tell me, “its the little things that make it worthwhile. The hugs and laughs and kisses, those are the things I want people to remember the most about me.” You pause. “I’m sorry I’m selfish.”
I sob and laugh at your silly words. If you were going to be selfish then I’m going to be selfish too. You say the hugs and laughs and kisses make it worthwhile? Then I’m going to make sure you get plenty of those too.
At first I blamed myself for trusting you.
But I realize now that I can't keep blaming myself for the mistakes I made when I didn't know any better.
I thought you were my friend. I thought you were the one, my partner.
but you hurt me and betrayed me in the worst way.
The day I got the call informing me you were cheating on me was a wake up call for me. a life changing moment.
That was the day I had to choose between myself and you.
And the conclusion I came to was this; I will not work with someone I don't trust.
It wasn't easy to confront you, you know. Although I didn't know it at the time, your brash dismissals awakened something in me, set me on a path even I did not expect.
You reminded me I still needed you. You told me I had no alternatives but to work for you. That irritated me a bit, but the next line was the real kicker: "Because you're a stupid woman and you know nothing about this business."
You sounded so pleased with yourself. You turned your back on me and walked away.
Everybody had been watching us. All of my friends and colleagues.
I should have been feeling outraged, humiliated, instead I felt nothing.
It was like watching a movie, and all of this was happening to someone else.
I heard myself addressing the entire staff- people I've known for years. I told them I would be starting a business nearby and if they wanted to work with me, they should email me.
Three weeks later, I turned a run down building into a working facility and hired all but two of your employees.
I used to wish I never met you, but if that wish were to come true, I wouldn't be who I am today, running a successful company of my own.
I don't regret anything, I don't regret us. Because in the end, our scars and mistakes makes us who we are. What's important is that we learn from it.