I’m still here

Desperately scrubbing the walls, the floors

The glasses you placed your lips on

The sheets

The door handles

Of your fingerprints

And taste

And sweat

And violence

I’m still here

10 months deep into a new relationship

And I am still afraid of you

I can’t shake off that closeness

Of my first love

I can’t shake off your punches

And the way you held my hair

When you waited for me

Outside my door

In the middle of the night

Drunk and furious at my new life

I can’t shake off the threats

The screams

The image of you being held by my doorman

While you were shouting how much you hate me

And I could see your body

Physically unable to let me go

I can’t shake off the anger

The disgust

Of having you in my life

I can’t shake off

The idea of you

The idea that I let you get so close to me

I can’t shake off

What’s now left of me post-you

Crying gags

instead of sound,

For no longer to the Earth

am I bound…

Exiting sanity

and entering rage,

Into a realm I’ve wondered

with no biblical page.

Incinerated by water

and drowned by flames,

What team player

would play such games?

No longer can I look

into her eyes,

Without having my spirit

fill up with despise.

My soul is too old

to be renewed with life,

And after a lifetime of trust,

I’m cheated by my wife!

Copyright © 1986-2017

Alan Salé

All Rights Reserved

contact: AASalehi@gmail.com

PoetryByAlan.com

That morning I knew it was over,

I was young, I didn't understand but, now I am older,

The crazy stupid notion of love grew colder

On the day I found out my dad was never a soldier.

He didn't march on or even retreat,

He sat in the middle of a battlefield and admitted his defeat,

That battle field was called depression and it killed him it did,

He did something so terrible even God forbid.

The deep scars you gave remain,

Deeper than the ones I gave myself with feelings I couldn’t contain,

These crazy ideas used to bounce around in my brain,

All because you never gave yourself time to explain.

Time to explain why felt that way,

Time to explain why you couldn’t stay,

Time to explain the reason to why

You thought the easy way was to die.

I am sorry, I truly am,

Sorry I thought better of you as a man,

Sorry your love didn’t stretch so far,

And sorry you destroyed all that you are.

Now this is me saying, it wasn’t me it was you,

You who tore apart everything I knew,

You who set a bad example which I so nearly followed

You who made my heart feel icy and hollowed.

You took your life and part of mine,

The part where I have a father who doesn’t resign,

The part where my dad watches me climb,

The one where everything turns out just fine.

This was a break up between you and me,

A break up you cast upon the whole family,

We haven’t recovered don’t be fooled,

The mask I have created may look like a jewel.

So, what I am saying in this rhyme of mine

Is that you gave us battle wounds that won’t heal in time,

Instead they will shrink and become less sore

I won’t let mine swallow me anymore.

We lay in bed together, loosely holding hands in the flickering light of the television. A bitter episode of House of Cards played across the screen. We often held hands. But my hand contained unconditional trust and warm, lasting love. Your hand carried deceit, betrayal, and icy cold lies.

You were still at home when I left for work the next morning, a rare occurrence. You allowed me to kiss you goodbye but you did not look at me. Your eyes were fixed, unseeing, on the morning news. I frowned and asked what was wrong. You simply shook your head. Nothing was wrong. Nothing at all. Go to work.

I didn't hear from you all day. You always called. I rang you mid-afternoon but there was no reply. I sent you a text message an hour later. No reply. Finally, you sent an email. An email, for Chrissakes. I've left you a note at home, it said. I stared at the words as my world crashed down with unexpected force. My heart had never planned for this. I rang you again, confused by your utter cowardice. No reply.

I drove home in a daze of disbelief. I found the note, carefully typed on a sheet of generic office paper. Sorry, it said. It's not you. You are perfect. It's me. Thank you for the eight years you have given me.

Your side of the wardrobe was empty. You'd left one tie behind. It hung in limp and lonely solitude from the herd of coat hangers you'd neglected to take. Your study was also empty, save for the cap of a pen and one small screw which had fallen from your desk. A few threads of loose cotton lay in question marks on the carpet.

Nothing made sense. It still doesn't. But I'm glad that it happened. For you are still trapped in your self-created mire of discontent while I have found my wings and discovered, to my delight, that I am able to soar.

@nceguy68

you cheated on me 

you fucker.

i loved you and gave my innocence to you

and you took it and let it go like a kite with no string.

she was my best friend

and you took that from me too. 

slowly, all my friends believed you

when you said i was crazy.

that made me alone, which made me stronger.

so thank you,

for cheating on me you fucker. 

/enna.paz

  Her stare peirced my eyes and her smile attracted me like the sun attracts a flower. I wish she was here. I wish it were real. I wish the world could feel the pain that I feel.But she's gone now, and only her spiritual essence remains. That's why I must let go. Even though my heart feels like an egg being dropped on the floor, I can be with you no longer. I hoped that she would understand and let go. However, with one quick turn of her head, my neck snapped and I fell dead.

He rode a Harley.

He was a long haired country boy rebel without a cause.

He swore he would get out of here.

He even took me with him,

Even tho I'm not sure he really wanted to.

We left Lay Springs Road in the fall.

He was taller than the skyscrapers in Atlanta.

He pointed out the Capital was gold.

He was tan and wore jeans with holes in the knees.

He inflicted pain.

He smelled like beer and cigarettes and summertime.

He hated me.

I loved him anyway.

He blamed me.

He accused me.

He asked me to sing.

He was cruel.

He made me laugh.

He set the bar for love incredibly high.

I fell short,

but I loved him anyway.

I ran away

but he left me first.

A cigarette hole burned in my fragile heart.

I craved the pain.

I was too much for him.

I tried to save him.

He lost touch with himself and his mind.

Found an imaginary cause for the rebel.

I was a reminder of something that did not belong to me.

I found him on a balcony in the dark,

We didn't have to speak.

The truth is not trite but gentle,

tho blame is a heavy shield.

He said we didn't care.

He said we moved on with out him.

He said we left him alone.

He sad no one came to see him.

He said he had no friends.

He didnt say it was my fault.

He didn't have to.

I'm still here!

I screamed inside.

I'd always been.

I watched the skyscraper crumble under the moon,

The Capital was tarnished.

He disappeared the next morning.

He broke my heart.

He had broken it years ago,

When he was the first man to make me love him.

When he was my Dad.

His ghost forever leaving Lay Springs Road.

And without realising I was falling for you.

And when the deepest and hardest I fell,

You did not catch me.

No. You just sat there.

Ignoring my presence.

Hell. Sometimes even my existence.

And finally I made you confess

The things you felt (or don't) about me.

And for a time I stared at walls,

I stared in peoples eyes and mouths,

I stared without a heart to understand

And a mouth to really help.

And for a time I cried so loud,

"Why you're like this?"

"I am just tired, nothing missed."

But I am missing you so much.

It wasn't me,

And still is you.

And I agreed, I was the one who lose.

The dust of this old house creaks, creeping down my spine. The tone of your voice when you said it was all going to be fine, I knew a lie. The look in your eye when I said goodbye, I knew deceit. I put you back so they'd stop calling me ‘deadbeat’.

I hold my breath thinking you're at the door. I have no idea what I needed you for. Yet you're in my brain and under my skin and in my house. You’re this feather brains bird louse. You’ve infected the beating in my veins. These rushes of blood are just massive pains.

I crawl from these sheets and slither down stairs. Sweat at my cold husk tears. Regretfully, I descend into the abyss you’ve made my basement. Hot and huffing I take you from your encasement. With a pulsing hand, I turn you on. Your eyes are glass, give me love to last! In five minutes you’ll be gone. 

This time for good.