

Of self discovery
Words and emotions twist
through heart and mind
of this new discovery
that was me all along
of sexuality undefined
of state of mind and
presence of form
in thé shape of a friend
or just someone who
fits the emotion of
a tried and true friend
whose no longer
an unintentional
unreciprocated object
of my affections just
the object of this
new defining moment
of self discovery of
limerical limerence
whose only purpose
was to throw an
anchor onto a person
whose acquaintance I’ve
just charmed, whose
only interaction was a
smile politely at some
friendly humor of
unintentional intent
and not the romantic
reciprocation of feelings
from an utter unknown
just a new psychological
definition of awareness
of self discovery
Fears of aging
Words evade me, wrestling
from my grasp
and then float as if taunting,
calling me to chase
They have been silent
for so long I hardly
recognize my old friends
its as if a curtain has drawn
closing off the light
as they mull around
waiting for their turn
at my pen’s tip, waiting to matter
but this curtain, scares me
because the the words have
always found a way
to break through
This black curtain seeps
into my daily life
and words that used to come
so freely in speech
Are starting to escape
as I speak and ideas
have been muddled
to the black goo
of age and memories
of loves and lovers
are slipping from memory
and with no escape
from darkness as I wake
and sit with my coffee
in the morning looking
and hoping that at least
the words will come
with the daybreak
and rescue me from
my fears of age
Lost light…
Waking up, alone on the dock
to our lake house
to the cold and light
of day
not remembering
the time sleep took me
or the hours tears
fell
but remembering the
lateness in the hour
people left and I could
Let go
let go of the tears I held
when you passed
after I changed
the IV and
going to the living
room to get you
a blanket, a twenty
second walk at best
and it was just as if
you had taken a nap
no horrible end
I feared
and as I put the
blanket on you
your head
fell to the side
and I knew you were
gone, and when I called
your name and you didn’t
wake…
the light of the noon hour
had shined it’s brightest
just as if it were
only for you
and as I called the dr
no tears came
and when the coroner
came to take you
it was such a beautiful
day that I felt it right
that you should leave
in such beauty
as if the world used it
all up to see you off
and rightfully so
but it was no match for you
no match for the beautiful
person you are
…were
and it was the memory
of that day that I held
On to, that got me through
the days after, when decisions
that we had not prepped for
cropped up
and left me with tasks to
do, to take these final steps
of your life and see you off
in a way you wanted
to be remembered
and after the arrangements,
after the wake and service
and after the dirt hit the coffin,
i made my way
To the place you loved
and I let go, let it all out
so much so I cried
through the night
and passed out
waking the next day
still in my suit
and with dried tears
on my face
i made my way to
your chair, and reached
out my hand
and like a fool
I half expected it there
and I sat there the
rest of the day
wanting to feel you
there in your favorite spot
to feel the love that
we knew that held us
in the waning hours
of your life
an act of love
Who are you? That has captivated me
with a single "hello"?
Who has spoken a thousand and one
words with me
never to be thought of
as more than a friend...
But here you are...
Sleeping next to me
in a night of forgotten
friendships and with no
words spoken...
Just an act of love
That was hidden and
emerged from a night
of hope and needed
company...not from anyone
Just you, only you...
that has settled into my heart
Who are you? Whose
thoughts and feelings
expressed with passion
that has ignited mine
Just you, only you...
Just an act of love
The moment of you
There are times,
like just now when
I wish I could take
your picture to look
back on
Because we are
human and mask
these moments
with every imaginable
flattery
But a picture
of just how you
turned to face me
with that smile
was devastating
And I wonder
if you heard me
gasp as the
lightening struck
halting me
I wish I could
have a picture
of that moment
of your face
of your smile
that moment of you…
The other side of the duet…
When I was young, and dating
I would Never take a date to
a movie but rather stroll
through the art institute
just to see what would catch
their eye or hear their thoughts
on a favorite piece of art
And ponder on their answers
Do they think like me?
If they don’t, can we get along
and discuss what we like about
the things that touch us
or inspire us or simply
what we call art…
When I was young, and dating
I would Never take a date to
places were we couldn’t talk but
rather stroll through the park
where we could talk about
things like hopes and dreams
or pains and sorrows…
And wonder if we have it in
us, to listen to one another
and hear the things that we
need, to help us grow and
simply lend a shoulder to
understand the things in our
lives that simply need caring
When I was young, and dating
I would be corny and sometimes
break into song, and sing a duet
simply because it was in my heart
and I would wait…and listen…
to see if I was with someone who
could pick up the other side of the duet…
and answer me in or out of tune
and be with me, and share time
with me in when life is low
or filled with happiness
and understand that I can be
just a nerd, with a song in
his heart, that simply needs…
An exchange of whimsy
I bet you smile when you send those…
Those little pieces of your whimsy
in short bursts of carefully chosen
words…
That captures the moment to
show how clever you really
are, and I bet as you read this,
you’ll smile, too
And as the night goes on
as we quickly reply
back and forth in our
typing banter
The sleep finds us as
we wind down and the
furious exchange
of quick wit
falls into the
last good nights
with hopeful thoughts
and silent smiles
as we end our
echange of clever
whimsy
Words of a kiss
I want to hold you close
and feel your breath
on my face as we
slow dance and
look into your
beautiful brown eyes
I want to touch
your face and feel
you breathe deeply
as I taste your lips
and tremble from
this long awaited kiss
As it ends, I pull back
and say, I hope
you liked that
and you surprise me
by touching my face
and kiss me back
And as this kiss ends,
we just hold each other
and you pull back
and ask…well?
and I simply say
I don’t want to ruin
this moment
And I touch your
hair and look in your
eyes and let the
words of a kiss
speak my response
aa I fall into your lips
The product of our work
In my drafts are the
brief beginnings of
writings, stories
and failed poetry
some written
and some that
were inklings but
never fleshed out
I save these cadavers
to look at every now
and then...
and then there is one,
a continuation of
a horror story
of a man who
does horrible things
Things that passed
through my mind
and landed on the
page...things that left
my fingers with such
ease that I was scared
Scared that the ease
these words and
images came from
me and my mind
of romantic words
and visions of
erotic exchanges
The world is
filled with such
horrible things
that I put these
pieces of writing
away and look at
them not to work
But to remind myself
that they came from me
and that to have written
them with such ease
that somewhere
deep down,
...the nice guy
isn't so nice...
(free writing, 7mins13secs)
the foolish lies of lust…
I wonder if we had
stayed together would
we be honest with
each other
eventualy learning
our secrets are
better left undisturbed
under all the smiles
and lies we tell
ourselves to go on
and I can't help
but wonder what
would be said
if I broke this
curse and like
the princesses
I awoke these
slumbering feelings
we keep deep down
in the pit of ourselves
with a kiss
would a kiss be
enough to bring
these feeling to surface
or would it take
more than feeling
my mouth on yours
feeling your breath
on my face as
our lips meet
meet and quench
this thirst that overcomes
me when I see you -
quenches my desire
when I hear your voice
speak my name
Speak my name
And bring me
into exhistence
and sear my skin
with the touch
of your lips
and the searching
look of your eyes
as we look for
answers not knowing
if these feelings are
real...
or the foolish lies
of lust