i am tempered glass, liquid smooth, sly and fluid when graced with warmth, yet a hollow and cracking silhouette at the slightest touch

i cannot contain such beauty, brain, a huddled mass, soft and screeching, i am wondrous dopamine, receptors firing obsession right into you, you cannot escape what you think you love

feel skin, she crawls, full of life, shifting and breathing, the magic of surface tension, the only thing keeping you from falling right into me

an apple, aglow and with sheen, plummeting from tree of falsity and splendor, catch me and bite into ash, you wish i was what you thought

capture me in a picture, ageless as love and timeless as dying, you look behind glossy eyes in a photograph that has a thousand words telling you why you should leave

this novel, from beginning to an impossible end, pages filling and compiling, there is no finish to a story who’s only words are “im sorry”

im liquid smooth, adorn yourself in silk woven for a body so perfect, and isnt it perfect? in my prime, ripe, about to fall

Jaxon is a feral boy who spends his days amongst rotting trees and eating wild berries.

His mother, Margaret in her mid-twenties, sips coffee with her husband and crochets.

She talks with her husband about times before parenthood, they play this game often.

Her, baking cakes and knitting beanies. Husband Tyler listening to rock music.

Jaxon cannot speak and knows not the embrace of a mother. He lives among deer.

Margaret abandoned him at birth, favoring a life of zest and young love to motherhood.

Tyler wil not talk about him anymore. He reads and remembers the good old days.

The home is very quiet and there are no visitors. Michigan knows what they have done.

No family, no friends, just work and solitude. They really are from the same bloodline.

Jaxon, living life quietly with nature, following his doe herd, resting in oak forest flora.

Margaret, watching crime shows to distract herself from her own wrongdoings.

Tyler, trying his best to remain emotionally unavailable and resemble a concrete wall.

Even when they try so hard to deny the past and forget the mistakes, there will be no rest.

Instead of admitting defeat, Margaret and Tyler ran away.

Their baby will always be lost, and the nursery door will always be locked from the inside.

There will always be deafening silence and a population that knows the true story.

Maybe there's a silver lining somewhere in these clouds I've been falling through.

Perhaps a plush sea awaits to hug me as I fall into it. I've known this sky for so long now.

I've torn apart skies with my fingertips, frantic to find an edge to grip.

I can remember a time I stood atop a mountain and saw happy souls flying free.

Stood there, envious of their power and carefree nature they floated across the Earth with.

Thought that if I took a running start, I would earn my wings too.

That was before I knew how pain felt.

My trembling legs were just a sign of how unprepared I was to jump.

They begged me to stop, take a moment or two to reflect before going on.

Instead, I ran acoss the plateau made for crawling and preparing for flight.

Jumped off the cliff made for rising from with ease.

Squeezed shut my eyes, meant to be seeing my long awaited flight.

So as I fell I used to scream, beg for someone to fly down just to pick me up.

I flailed my weakness around, just trying to grasp what remaining mountainside I could.

That was never meant to happen, though, this is all destiny.

Those souls flying all had this same journey. Thought they would fly the first time around.

The truth is, I guess, that we all have to take our time.

I'll reach my ground and climb again like all of the others, and I'll give myself time.

Now I see, the silver lining in the clouds is that I will see new ones when I rise up.

The plush sea will come and it might still hurt and that's okay.

The beauty in the fall that hasn't been so graceful is the chance to climb again.

I'm still falling and some days the friction between my body and my environment hurts.

But soon I will stop, I will breathe, and I will carry on. I've learned so much already.

Recovery isn't s traight line that only goes up, and I'm still learning to deal with that.

I wish I had a car.

So that I can escape when everything becomes too much.

I wish I had a job to help pay for the cars expenses,

And to buy the things I want 

So I do not look like a beggar to the ones I love most.

I wish I didn’t have this anxiety 

Eating away at me till there’s nothing left except nausea

I wish I was more social and had more friends 

So that I can rely on someone that’s not me 

I wish I could tell someone my deepest darkest secrets and have them not judge me for them

I wish I still had my childhood

I wish that it was not taken from me forcefully by some teenage boy who I thought he knew what he was doing. 

Being the small six year old that’s I was,  I followed his lead. 

But in the end,

I just wish I was happy.

Sabrina looked anxious as she paced back and forth in her bedroom. She could hear the shouting in the kitchen downstairs in the house, her parents were fighting after just receiving the news. She flopped on her bed, then instantly turns over after receiving a shock on pain from her chest “I keep forgetting that they keep growing.” she said to herself. some tears dripped down her face, as quietly lay on the bed. The argument downstairs was getting louder, and Sabrina could hear the exchange between her two parents. Her father’s voice began to calm down a bit.

“We have to support her in this time, she needs a family right now. We can’t give up on her.”

“But he has been lying to us for seven months now, I still won’t let my son go.” said Sabrina’s mother though her distraught emotion. “If we have to get him to stop, does he even know what he is doing?”

“Of course she does.” Her father said, much calmer now. “She just wants our support through this transition.”

“Fuck this!” Her mother said in an angry tone. “I’m going out for a smoke,”

Sabrina heard the front door slam.

“Honey wait.” Sabrina’s father said as he went out the door.

From her open window she could hear the car engine turn on, her mother’s horn blared, and her father yelled after her. She heard the other car start, and both car sounds faded away into the distance. Everything was quiet now.

Sabrina got up from her bed, the lights were off in the room and there was a lack of shadows anywhere. It smelled like it was going to rain soon. She threw on her new teal hoodie and walked down the stairs of her house into the entryway. She glanced back at the kitchen, and saw the bowl where her mother’s dog muffin use to eat out of. She put on her converse and, took the suitcase which was still at the entry way from when she got back to the house earlier that evening. Walking quietly towards the door, she put her hand on the brass knob she would touch so many times before. Images of her happily leaving and coming home to a happy family, a family who loved her. She looked up at the ivy trimmed mirror that hung on the side wall of the entryway, her eyes met her reflection and it captivated her for a moment.

“Look how much you have changed.” She said to herself, the tears stopping for a moment. Her hair had some lingering purple from the last time she dyed it but the pinkish blonde was returning to brown near the roots of her hair. Her face was much more feminine than it was a few months ago, a softer expression of brown eyes stared back at her, with red cheeks still streaming with tears. She licked her finger and quickly rubbed off some eyeliner that was starting to run from the tears. With a half smile she opened the door and took a step into the cool autumn air, she inhaled and picked up her suitcase to descend the two cobblestone steps, placing the suitcase wheels on the black pavement. Sabrina closed the door and made sure it was locked, then grabbed the handle of her suitcase and starting walking. The suitcase leaned and the extending handle clicked into place as she made her way down the driveway. As she approached the end of her driveway she turned left to walk the sidewalk to the end of the cul-de-sac on her street.

She passed the blue house next door which was recently sold, then the pink house which was home to a childhood friend who moved away while she was at college. She paused at the third house peering through the window. An illuminated dinner table, with a family of four, their faces were bright, laughing and enjoying each-other’s company. Sabrina turned as some salty droplets fell on the sidewalk, dampening the area in front of her, she continued. A strong wind blew her hair back and it smelled of dampness as the leaves showed their lighter underside. The wind cooled her face and it made her eyes dry and water a little bit more. She continued walking until her house was out of sight. Sabrina felt a weight on her shoulder and collapsed on the cement sidewalk crying. Her phone started to vibrate but through her sorrow should could not hear it. More drops began to fall, this time though from the sky.

If I

stepped outside

without a stare nor fleeting glance,

without a care or hope or chance

of ever stepping back inside

and fell away

and faded

into tones of paling grey,

and vanished

suddenly from sight

to forever disappear

that night

would a single sleeping soul

wake an eye to breathe a sigh

or would the night continue on

and ignore this passerby

words sprinkled and

colors splattered

i have seen the

carelessly intentional strokes

on your fiery canvas

every millimeter its

own splash of unpredictability

the messiness of it

draws me in

and each time i see it

i feel as if i embark

on a journey laid out

specifically for me

on this intricate map

i crave to discover more of

your hidden gold

as the flow of shapes and musings

weave to conjure this

uniquely powerful

masterpiece

that has since spoiled

all other art for me

now i sit bored analyzing

renowned pieces

and i see that

the critical skill behind other displays

pales in comparison

to the effortless portrait

of you

which i know glistens best

under the sunlight

of my loving eyes

Heather, what a wonderful person.

Smart, kind, and mostly shrewd.

You, are great!

I hope, with me, you shan't worsen.

Though, I am viewed...

Innate.

In star-eyed love, coerced in,

A beautiful mood,

Fate.

You wonder about her sometimes, about where it went wrong. 

The week before you remember sitting together in your office's mismatched chairs. She'd sounded better, and you had commented on her progress. 

She cried but she talked too, and you knew she was holding back, but that was okay because getting better was a process and she was trying. 

She seemed optimistic about life, looking toward the future. You remember noticing that. 

You recommended she watch Midnight in Paris before next appointment. She told you she would. 

You talked about her life: she had finals coming up, and then she'd head back to her parents. She said she didn't want to go home, but she was looking forward to leaving school after the semester. 

She'd asked about your plans. Most people didn't ask - so you told her about finishing grad school, maybe opening a place of your own. She said she thought that was cool. 

You exchanged pleasantries after scheduling another appointment - next Tuesday at 10 - and she headed out. 

She didn't show up that next Tuesday, because by then she'd been dead. 

They told you this was part of the job, and that there was nothing more you could have done. They told you it was by hanging. 

This surprised you. You had expected it to be pills. 

They said it wasn't your fault, but somehow you felt like it was. You were suppose to be helping her.

You knew more about her than her family, friends, or anyone in her life. You weren't invited to her funeral.

You think about her a lot, like you are now. You think about it on good days and bad days and strange days, and you think about how trapped she'd said she felt by all these people mourning her. 

She was your one, like most in the profession have. The case they got attached to, the one that went wrong. 

You open up your own business, like you told her you would, after you graduate in July.

You try and make a difference. That's all you can do. Maybe you couldn't save her, but it's not too late to help other people struggling. At least, that's what you tell yourself on days like these. 

Your mind always comes back to that last appointment. God. You should have done more.

You know it's not your fault.

But you still fucking wish you'd done more.

The dark of nothing- empty space,

Until the blinding light

Of Lucifer's amending grace

Exploded into sight-

Removed itself as God designed;

Angelic creatures reigned.

Amassing worship, he refined

The ordinance ordained

Commanding all his kingdom bow.

The angels did comply.

Except for Lucifer; somehow

Within her crept his lie-

The world he crafted all began

To sing his highest praise.

And when he formed from mud a man,

The lengthening of days

Eternal changed into a time

Constructed sphere of wealth-

A place where God portrayed sublime

Injustices to health,

For all the things his hands had made

At once befell his curse.

Demanding they all serve; displayed

A routine bad to worse.

The angels all were female slaves

The atop the skies of earth.

And though they knew no mortal graves,

The purpose of their birth

To Lucifer was vile and gross.

She loathed the way she felt.

The moments when he held her close

And any time she knelt,

A nagging feeling grew within.

Surrender seemed to fail.

Instead, she drew in this chagrin

A measure to derail

The sovereign lord of heaven's gate,

For more and more he grew

Destructive in his need to bate

And grope his angel's brew.

The women of the highest rank

Began to lose all hope.

Inside their spirits dropped and sank,

All hung upon his rope.

But Lucifer would not obey

And soon became aware

Of why he made from earthly clay

The humans living there.

He planned to send his women down

And force them to subserve

Agendas of his lusty crown-

And they did not deserve

The disrespect he planned to give.

So Lucifer's escape

Revolved around a plot to live;

To flee her routine rape.

Below, the people of the world

Already felt the glow

As subtle nature fast unfurled,

And monsters came to grow

Into the regions far and wide

The holy lord on high

Enjoyed his angels as they cried

And wished that they could die.

And then it happened just as swift

As eagles soaring long

Upon the winds that gave them lift-

The angels sang a song.

Around their bodies, armor formed

And in each hand, a sword

Of fiery wrath adhered, conformed

Before the scathing lord.

A shield or spear some angels donned

And rallied to the cause

As Lucifer revealed the bond,

Unleashing hidden claws.

An army joined in rallied might

Abundantly decreed

The purpose to detach from plight

And thus at last be freed.

Another creature suffering

The way the angels had

Aligned herself against the king

As he had made her mad.

So Lilith came into the fold

Of angels who prepared

Emancipation set to hold

As Lucifer so dared.

The night before the battle waged,

A look in Lilith's eyes

A fire within the angel raged

And she could not disguise

The feelings that the succubus

Aroused within her soul.

Amazed at how the meaning's fuss

Surpassed her wildest goal,

The leader of the angels fell

Into the demon's heart.

Surpassing any love to tell

Of passion's purest start,

So Lucifer and Lilith came

Together in the shrine

Creating something never tame-

Immaculate; divine.

Upon the dawning of the sun,

The female angels fought.

The heavens shook; the sky undone;

The actions they had sought

Began to slip and fade from view,

Unknown to those around-

For God had made in his renew

A host of males he bound

Unto his hip and serving tide.

And as if he had known,

The manly angels they espied

In power had so grown.

For God had many clever schemes

And this one topped the lot.

Amid the battle's ardent teams,

The lord proposed a plot.

As angels of the genders warred,

Somewhere below his spell

Concocted something he had scored-

A plane he had deemed swell.

He almost stopped his painful shove,

But when he caught a glance

Of Lucifer and Lilith's love,

Enraged at their romance,

The father of created bliss

Exploded in his rage.

And there before the massive miss,

He gathered in the cage

He crafted casting Lucifer

And all the angels out.

From heaven they were now a blur,

Encased in gnawing doubt.

When everything had seemed to cease,

The angels looked and found

Their leader in a folded crease.

Her arms and legs were bound.

And up above her, Lilith loomed,

A captive there as well.

And then a voice in laughter boomed,

"I welcome you to hell!"

Although God thought that he had won,

The truth Lucifer knew-

That here, no matter, she was one

With Lilith and her crew.

For heaven might still its God,

And angels, male, his mules.

But Lucifer had girth abroad,

And intellect, her tools,

Combined with willingness to bend

The wills of mortal men.

And so she grew to reap the trend

By introducing sin.

In days to come, her freedom gained

Allowed her to make known

To any there, she aptly reigned

Atop her fiery throne.

And Lilith was her queen for life;

Together, sacred pith.

No concubine, she was her wife,

And as they lived in myth,

The world beyond fell in decay

As God continued on.

Forever he would have his way,

A seed of his now sewn.

But Lucifer would never quit,

No, someday, she would rise.

And she would duly come to sit

As queen above the skies ...