I feel beyond lucky to have had you brought into my life;

You are the most amazing woman;

I have been attracted to you from the start;

My feelings for you flutter like butterflies in my stomach and my heart.

You are beautiful on the inside and the outside;

I love your face made up but I love it even more just natural;

You have the kindest, most gentle soul;

Hiding my feelings for you is getting near impossible to control.

I lose myself in your eyes;

Your laugh is one of my favorite things in the world;

I want to tell you how I feel so badly,

But, I am so fearful it could end sadly.

I would treat you like a queen;

You would never be alone;

I am so into you,

You might not feel the same tho,

And that is what keeps me from letting you know.

I love your smile

I love your sense of humor

I love your mind

I love you inner artist

I love your kind heart

I love your soul

I am completely amazed by you

I am totally mesmerized by you

I am inappropriately attracted to you,

But, what am I to do, when

I am so head over heels.

You fell from the sky one day;

And, I was left speechless;

You deserve to have me as your girlfriend

I want to be yours

dear, sweet, angel of mine.

Last night was so bad between us;

Then, this afternoon,

after a morning of him apologizing,

he wants to have sex.

I don’t dare to say anything but yes;

But, it’s the first time with him that I really wasn’t that into it, but said yes anyway.

It was the first time with him

- ever -

that I harshly judged myself.

Last night was so bad between us;

Then, this afternoon,

after a morning of him apologizing,

he wants to have sex.

I don’t dare to say anything but yes;

But, it’s the first time with him that I really wasn’t that into it, but said yes anyway.

It was the first time with him

- ever -

that I harshly judged myself.

Last night was so bad between us;

Then, this afternoon,

after a morning of him apologizing,

he wants to have sex.

I don’t dare to say anything but yes;

But, it’s the first time with him that I really wasn’t that into it, but said yes anyway.

It was the first time with him

- ever -

that I harshly judged myself.

You know what I really, truly miss? Rollerblading.

Nothing that I have done since has brought me to the beautiful place of experiencing the almost impossible quiet in my own mind.

Oddly, I remember that, when I would be gliding up and down the street or cascading down the neighborhoods hills, the feeling as though I was flying. Me, this flightless bird, scared of her shadow, little girl; flying.

I have not been able to recapture the freeing level of freedom that I felt in my soul.

The only sounds I hear are the soothing rolling of my wheels on the street and the white noise created by whatever is around me.

I have tunnel vision on the blacktop ahead of me; anything else surrounding me is, simply, a blur of randomly, almost strategically placed, colors.

The adrenaline rush that goes along with invisibly, flying thru the colorfully blurred, white noise of this world.

I’ve been chasing that rush ever since.

Lucky, you were,

to spill your purse, then,

to miss your bus,

Favoured, you are.

Wrestled from shore by sunlights tide

Lost and alone without my guide

The darkness has been set aside

To it, lifelong, had I been tied

Nauseous feelings coincide

With this act of genocide

Waiting for the mind to decide

When the light will again run to hide

Almost certain it will subside

Before the end of this joyride

Drowning in sunlight

Gasping for the words to write

Desperate for malaise

To put an end to this blissful phase

I need the darkness to thrive

And the mania to feel alive

Wanting to be manic

The true me, organic

Feel like I’m in a panic

I am not comfortable with this new dynamic

Why do I have to take the pills

I don’t like this me with no frills

Missing the intoxicating thrills

I don’t find that this synthetic state fulfills

The inner prompting within me instilled

How can I awaken

The part of me that’s been taken

The voice thats been forsaken

The soul now uninspired, and,

As fucked up as it may be,

Without my illness I feel so empty

I’ve begun now to envy

The lucky ones still hardwired

With racing thoughts and wide eyes

Walking free yet disguised

luckier than they realize

I am ready to cut the strings,

Go on my own and spread my wings

And experience what this inherent madness will bring

Down the rabbit hole I fervently plunge

Voraciously awaiting reintroduction

To the pure, unprocessed, chemical-free

version of me

The one which God, in his vision, purposefully molded and brought into being.

Wrestled from shore by sunlights tide

Lost and alone without my guide

The darkness has been set aside

To it, lifelong, had I been tied

Nauseous feelings coincide

With this act of genocide

Waiting for the mind to decide

When the light will again run to hide

Almost certain it will subside

Before the end of this joyride

Drowning in sunlight

Gasping for the words to write

Desperate for malaise

To put an end to this blissful phase

I need the darkness to thrive

And the mania to feel alive

Wanting to be manic

The true me, organic

Feel like I’m in a panic

I am not comfortable with this new dynamic

Why do I have to take the pills

I don’t like this me with no frills

Missing the intoxicating thrills

I don’t find that this synthetic state fulfills

The inner prompting within me instilled

How can I awaken

The part of me that’s been taken

The voice thats been forsaken

The soul now uninspired, and,

As fucked up as it may be,

Without my illness I feel so empty

I’ve begun now to envy

The lucky ones still hardwired

With racing thoughts and wide eyes

Walking free yet disguised

luckier than they realize

I am ready to cut the strings,

Go on my own and spread my wings

And experience what this inherent madness will bring

Down the rabbit hole I fervently plunge

Voraciously awaiting reintroduction

To the pure, unprocessed, chemical-free

version of me

The one which God, in his vision, purposefully molded and brought into being.

Brain on fire

Thoughts ablaze

Standing in the ashes

As my sanity decays

What did I do to trigger this

Something must have lit flames to bliss

Trapped and helpless

Constricting my emotions

Body trapped in slow motion

Sick twisted devotion

To the thing that keeps me broken

I’m so ill

Future path lined with pills

Stripped of all free will

Nothing will ever be able to kill

This cell deep evil