I stand alone,

Yet surrounded by many.

No one ever notices the girl

With tears where diamonds should be.

I was once known;

Remembered by a force of bullying

So strong that I couldn't bear to live.

But, by myself,

I overcame the hurt.

And soon my name drifted away

With the wind as the summer heat returned.

Another victim with the same fate.

Loneliness stings like a bee,

But being forgotten

Is a snake bite to the heart.

I look across this vast ocean

This sea of storms and heavy rain

Here I’m trapped with no escape

While the waves crash down upon my pain

I cannot tell which way is clear

I cannot surface, can’t find air

I cannot breathe, I’m suffocating

Drowning in a black pool of despair

Have you ever been sad enough

To make your stomach feel sick?

So lonely that you want to die

And you pray to God it’s quick

That’s what it’s like, here in this place

With my stomach always churning grief

My soul is broken, my heart is torn

Stolen by some violent thief

I need to find where I belong

Then maybe, maybe I will feel sane

And maybe there I’ll find a smile

To break this opaque window pane

But I don’t know where this place is

Does it really even exist?

I’m so far gone, three times removed

Is there any point for me to persist?

I know how this sounds to everyone else

You who judge and sit on your horse

But you don't know the sorrow I feel

You cannot know it’s muddy course

Unless you’ve been here at least once

You do not have the right to judge

And even if you’ve been here before

You know you must not hold a grudge

You cannot blame a soul for dying

You cannot blame a heart for bleeding

You cannot blame the one who cries

You cannot blame the mind receding

There is a stigma attached

To the face named depression

That the people who wear it

Should just change their expression

But it is never that simple

And it will not ever be

So these people wander aimlessly

Searching for hope they will never see

If you know someone stuck in this curse

Do not let your judgement near

Instead try lending them a hand

And help them through the maze of fear

Depression is not a dirty word

It is not looking for attention

It just needs a tender touch

Don’t hurt it with your apprehension

It is not something make believe

The monster is not under the bed

This monster is indeed quite real

It lives and breathes inside the head

Do not avoid it, seek it out

Show it that there’s another way

It should not have to hide in shame

Thinking that life is always grey

There is a light at the tunnel’s end

If people drop discrimination

And reach right through that solid wall

With love and without hesitation

By: Me (Chanelle J)

15th Oct 2016

©CJ

For all my fellow soldiers struggling in this seemingly endless war - I love you, I stand with you & I fight with you. You are not alone. Know that. You. Are. Not. Alone.

May God bless you & keep you safe.

Chan xxx

I don't know you, you don't know me.

The truth is, I've been there myself. Yeah, where you are right now.

Difference being... I was too chicken shit to actually do it.

I still remember that day. It was late morning. I waited until my parents had gone out. Breakfast, or lunch, brunch. You see, back where I came from, eating out was affordable and we did that all the time, day in, day out.

Anyway, I'd been crying my eyes out for a few weeks, and they probably thought I was on the mend. Even if they didn't, it never crossed their minds that I was capable. So, at the ten-minute mark, I made my move.

Kitchen knife, check.

Bucket, check.

Comfy, clean white sheets... fuck. Mum's going ballistic if she comes home and sees the stains.

This is about the time when I'm paralyzed by thick, sticky, black fear... I look at the shiny blade, shimmering, calling out to me. Daring me.

Obviously, I didn't do it. I'm not as brave as you (I wanted to cut across the tracks, not along... pfft! I was such a rookie).

I will tell you one thing. In that mess of my head, where nothing made sense, and all I wanted to was to stop the pain, I realized one thing: no matter how helpless I felt, or how things have become—I knew that time will heal. It's the one universal certainty, apart from change.

Of course, if you're dead sure about going ahead, no one can stop you. But if you think you'd like to give yourself a chance to see what life could bring, then give yourself that chance. It's difficult, I know. Life is hard. Nothing is easy. But if you get through this, and I know you can, you'll be stronger out from the other end.

So, have a cry. Cry as much as you need. Lean on someone. Lean as hard as you can. Pray if you want, it doesn't have to be God per se, just think of something bigger than you are. Talk to him or her. Or it.

Be thankful. There's always someone worse off than you. It's cliché, but it's true.

I don't know you, but you now know a bit about me. I'm here for you. I've got enough love and kindness for both of us.

Here. I've got some cash. Let's go get some fast food and ice cream.

Come on. My treat.

Evil doers are dipped in sauce

Before their heads are bitten off

Boil in worm-infested stew

The pot is round, and smooth

The jungle of sword blades

Will hack off your legs

Tongue hauled by hooks

Body beaten, and slashedWill this sin be your last