The truth is I think about suicide, A lot. More than others. Before you go about saying I need help answer me this, How do you know that I currently am not? How do you know your brand of help actually will?

I Can't tell everyone about this without being anonymous. This isn't a cry for help, that would not be in the best interests of what I'm trying to accomplish.

This isn't an attempt at seeking more attention. That phrase is what kills those already on the edge.

This is real. I have been here before.

I have tried to change, my inner voices made me strange. I have set the stage for my final performance. selected the playlist of the last songs I will hear. planned for it just like in the movies, but something is stopping me.

could it be the smiles of my wife and son? No I am hurting them with my presence. it's all the laughter that they haven't shared yet. the fickle little things are what prevent most of us.

bills that haven't been paid yet, worrying about whether or not they can afford a funeral right now.

dishes that aren't washed yet, secrets that I haven't shared yet, we haven't cut those ties yet.

to accomplish this we need everyone that loves us to join ranks with those that hate us.

pay attention world because I'm going to attempt to survive a suicide

It all begins with a bottle

my self destruction

how can you help those that don't even know they need it

shouldn't you ask permission before you publicly humiliate me

before you tear me down making me want to reach the bottom even faster

it's not your fault I light myself aflame

but do you have no sorrow for the pain you have caused me?

they say words don't hurt

when in reality they are the deadliest weapon of all

the secret to this

my one solace within all this suffering

having the wisdom to know

HOW IT ALL ENDS

every one is born with their own curse

to find their own worth in their own way

mine curse is to survive one more day

im trying to find in everyone

that thing that makes them in their eyes imperfect

to keep my self in check

to find that i'm no worse off than anyone else

everyone burns

everything breathes

everyone bleeds

my heart goes into this ink

these pages become home to my life

a way to teach you all who i am inside

that third face i have

its hard to see in everybody

their internal flaw

they hide it so very well

now is your time to shine

embrace your imperfections

show the world who you really are

remove those masks

remove the bloodied wraps that hide your healing woulds

thrive in your pain

become someone they regret not getting to know

<p>if I could give you the world would that be it?</p><p>would you long for something more?</p><p>a galaxy of your own maybe?</p><p>

</p><p>each night I hang the moon, its no easy task.</p><p>the weight of the world on my shoulders as I fight incredible odds</p><p>all for you</p><p>

</p><p>a knife in my back turning like a screw</p><p>I fight everyday hordes of the dead but somehow living</p><p>all for you</p><p>

</p><p>I cheated, I stole, I lied</p><p>my heart breaks</p><p>I tear my soul apart</p><p>all for you</p><p>

</p><p>each day my spirits are squashed</p><p>my past continues to haunt me</p><p>whipping me with hook ended chains</p><p>blood pours, sweat coming forth</p><p>tears roll down my cheeks</p><p>all for you</p><p>

</p><p>there is no forgiveness in my universe of pain</p><p>no end to my suffering</p><p>the only reason I am still alive, is to make it up to you

to make life simple again, like it once was </p><p>all for you</p><p>

</p><p>do I love you enough?</p><p>do you know it?</p><p>although my mind is broken </p><p>and my flesh ready to give under the weight of everyday</p><p>my soul&amp;nbsp; bound to this earth</p><p>no longer wanting to see the light of day</p><p>yet still I pray </p><p>for one more day</p><p>ALL FOR YOU</p>

Is this really it?

Is this how my dream ends?

Dying, giving it's last breath over to fear

It withers away like a note kissed by a flame

Up into the air it soars

I truly hope it finds someone who deserves it

My life is not over, but my heart breaks at the thought of losing the rest of my days

Nightmares creep in, darkness surrounding me

Quick, light a candle before the creatures tear away my soul

Was that really a good idea?

Do I really want to see the horrors in the dim light?

or is it better to just sit in the never ending silent night?

They hide in the mirrors, the shadows, the night

Waiting the wretched things to tear us apart

They are the reason you look over your shoulder

They are the reason you run up the stairs

They are there when you first try to close your eyes

Waiting silently, watching you while you sleep

It is their sick ideas that leech into your mind

They play their sick games hoping to wake you with a fright

They haunt you every day, every night

around the corner, everywhere you can and can't possibly see

But these ghosts are there just for me

Are you afraid of the night?