Laughter

How long ago did it turn hollow?

How long did it cease to matter?

I keep laughing.

EvI en though I want to stop.

Even though it's not funny at all.

It's not funny.

It's never been funny.

But it's always "been," you know?

So that's why I laugh.

Just barely keeping in the rest of the pain.

All beneath that bubbly sound,

Beneath those smiling lips.

It's a beautiful noise,

a beautiful, ear-piercing noise.

And I cannot stop it.

I cannot, no matter how hard I beg and plead.

I laugh until I cry and it's marvelous.

I thought I could not stop it.

I thought that I was stuck,

blocked and barred behind teeth

that only kept the reflex of grinning

to battle away the glitches in my mind.

I thought that I was over,

and my counsciousness was done for,

but it wasn't.

I was laughing,

but someone saw the crying.

I was grinning,

and someone watched the pining.

Someone told me how to weep,

how to let my face relax.

All the "angry," all the "crazy,"

they led me gently to a place of better being.

I'm grateful.

I'm broken.

But now I'm healing.

So many are just as broken.

Help them.

So the laughs will ebb and flow,

without so many pained emotions

Warping right behind them.