Like the best of them
This is the first time I get to experience walking on the streets after spending 15 years on a mental institution which since I couldn't remember who the hell I am, I considered it as a home, whether safe or not, for the first five years. All the people I knew back there seemed like a family member to me, they fed me and they watched over me, despite the fact they were forced to force me, sometimes because of laws of science and sometimes common sense. I accepted them for who they were even though they never looked at me in the eye or befriended me or engage in any interaction with me in any way that is known as friendly. They feared me and they liked to show it.The reason was something that I found out later. I was brought there as a very dangerous criminal who as they implied had killed several human beings. They didn't seem to understand that I see the manager as my mom and the janitor as my dad. I had to hear those adjectives and I was obliged to accept it as something I'm identified with, like a name, or genetic disease or the location your mom gives birth to you. I had no absolute memory of committing a crime, but they sure did, and it gave them this right to treat me like a dangerous animal who needs to get drugged in order to not bite. I used to watch those so called dangerous animals on TV whenever I got the chance; I just couldn't find a lion or bear dangerous. They were as they were, just like people who lived back where I did except fot the fact that those animals just seemed alive and being passionate about being able to live under the sun. I didn't feel alive for a very long time when I was there and I most certainly wasn't passionate about almost anything other than food, which made me think that It's far from fair how they keep comparing me to them. They always kept asking me to do things that I didn't want to do, and they were violent about it. It was so hard for me for a while to accept that they could never have love for me inside their hearts, like how I felt about them. So I became obsessed with my food, what it is or why should I eat it. I stopped touching the meats on the plates and started giving it to random stray cats who jumped through the walls of the institution. I kept doing this over and over, every meal, everyday for 11 years till they were somehow convinced that I'm sane and less dangerous enough to freely hover around people, as my manager mom said. When I was leaving, no one said me goodbye. I wrote each of them a letter, put it on the manager's desk when she was in the bathroom and just left. They've told me go be free among other human beings that apparently I used to kill, and that's what I'm doing, just passing through them like a hungry stray cat who couldn't even meow for the food, I've fed some of them before so I was already familiar with the feeling when I was experiencing it. Yeah, it's my first day as a free woman or I dare say this is the first time I'm going to remember as breathing around other people that I've stolen some lives among them. I don't know how to sound like to them, I wasn't sure if they speak the same language we did back when I wasn't free or whether they approve of what I'm wearing. I feared they could read my adjectives through my eyes or the way I walk. I've always wanted to be in the wild, only to know I've always been in the wild. All I knew was that I should sniff my way back where I was, so that I could jump through the walls of the institution, back to my home.
Faked Tok Time
There would be nothing but an I over an eye
Quick nods, sleepy winks with a sudden cough
There would be nothing more soothing than the sound of your gun
Oh darling I'm about to do something you haven't done
Like we're fooled by the faked tok time
Laughter of the devils are making me to fall asleep
I'm sorry for selling my awareness to darkness so cheap
Blush of a lesbian nun fades when I'm gone
Oh darling you wouldn't be the same when I'm done
Like we're fooled by the faked tok time
Nothing would shine but the face of the moon
My nyctophobic child, you can't get the light so soon
Moon shines and with the silver colored curve it makes
You sleep and don't get to feel as it shakes
Like you're a fool fishing on lake of time
Imagine what it would take, the darkness of an asleep mind
Getting assaulted on a blink, the sky has already went blind
Like what the lamp you use does to your innocently dark room
Destroying the ocean of chances for you to assume
Like you're fooled by the faked tok time
Makes me want to sigh, craving to travel through other minds
Other people, strangers, from any kinds
Makes me wanna get high on their dreams
Oh my gypsy cruel mind, won't tolerate their screams
Like it's fooled by faked tok time
With my head resting on my thighs
I'm covering thoughts and some lies
I sigh, I blink, I happen to smile
It's wanted as it's juvenile
Feels like I'm fooled by the fake ass time
Dark matter could be the blue light
Could be growing, as it has the right
When you are knwon; It's fun to evolve
To mix things up, with hatred or love
Like you're fooled by the faked tok time
I've found my geometrical wings owning and disowning me over and over
as the light worships the black skin of universe with a cold golden shower
Oh darling don't tell me our game is over
I need a cold golden shower
Guess I'm just bored by the faked tok time
As my head is holden by my thighs
A young thought manages to escape and flies
It gets old and wants to get back home
I don't accept betrayal, so it could just roam
Like it's fooled by the faked tok time
My gypsy mind resists invitations,
Settling down in one from hundreds of nations
walls so high, it avoids being a guest and allows none
As it rests, it's fond of the sound of your gun
After all, I was fooled by the faked tok time