I feel that life is like a terrifying roller coaster

with all its ups and downs

I miss being a kid riding the spinning tea cups

spinning round and round.

I swim around in life through the depression and the rage

I thought life would be happier atsuch a young age

It's hard to keep on going when you think the cause is lost

People say life is good, but I believe that is false.

530 am. (Beep..Beep..Beep...)I wake up. I walk to the kitchen to get the coffee pot started.

I wait for it to drip, feels like I've been waiting for years at this point. I grab it before it is ready cause I am just so ready for the coffee. I taste it and make a face -OEeeww That tastes so strong its like drinking motor oil. Add suger, thats what I will do. I go sit in my spot on the couch and drink it while watching the News which seems to be more crime, murder, hate, and a sweet little puppy who needs to be adopted... heck when I first saw the poor thing I thought he'd wondered onto the wrong set at the studio. I hope someone adopts him, he is so cute and cuddly. I continue to watch TV for a couple of hours, see I have to watch my morning show reruns. I watch Perry Mason, Matlock, and In the Heat of the Night. After that, it's time for me to clean up...yay.....not! I make the kids beds since they forgot to (yeah- they always forget) I wonder why one person (my daughter) needs 13 pillows on their bed? That just straight pisses me off. I move on to my son's room who has a basket full of laundry filled to the top, which I have told him too many times to not wait, to bring them to the laundry room, but, yet again, here we are. I take all the clothes to the washer to start the laundry. I go to make my son's bed but Wux is lying there napping... so I won't disturb him or her.... I believe she is a her cause she is pregnant I think. More cats- YAY. I got one cat from a friend of mine and its the damn gift that just keeps on giving! Kitten after kitten. I remind myself to get in touch with the BIG FIX clinic to get the cats fixed. Plus its disturbing when you walk outside and hear them being r*ped basically. It's disturbing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I make our bed and vacumm the hallways and livingroom. I then sit down and smoke a long needed cigarette and enjoy the last of my coffee as I have now had the whole pot, per usual. I feed the dogs and then may or maynot decide to feed myself. Looking throught the cabinets I can't find anything that makes me want to eat. So, I make a fresh soda drink with ice, go sit down to enjoy Law & Order SVU reruns. I fold laundry during that time very much heated and angry at all the sickos in the world. Angry as hell at the character and empathizing with the victim,while cheering Olivia on and wishing I could be there....I am sure the producers would have loved that, Right? Right. I peek through the blinds for probably about the 1000th time this morning and of course I am exagerating kinda. The highlight of my day is coming soon and I just wait for it. OooohOH! The mailman's here! Yippee, I go outside and walk casual cool to the mailbox like the nerd I am and pick the mail out. Hoping for something good, free stuff, samples, a check, or package. IT IS NOW THE highlight of my day! I know, sad... right. Of course the REAL highlight of the day is when my family comes home. I get to argue with my "grown-up" eleven yr. old daughter over the cat, Wux, that she stole from me...yes, I know its petty and that I am 42 and she is 11, but still she stole my cat! And if you don't believe me you can check that out on TikTok. I get them to finish their homework and their father gets home from working for the City. While i cook supper, he gets showered and cleaned up and we all have supper once it is ready. Afterwards, we clean up and I get the kids to get in the shower and get ready for school the next day. I try to read some of a good book but I have been reading the same damn book for 6 months because I can't go 2 minutes without being called. But I am gonna finish it... one day. Afterwards I hang out with my hubby for a while and we watch a movie, or documentary, or TOP 10 something on YouTube and then LIGHTS OUT......the end.

I walk into the door of my home....HOME, the place I never see anymore.

I throw myself down on the bed...as I sink a little into the covers I breath and try to ignore

all the things I need to do. Seeing the typewritter sitting there makes me feel guilt. I feel that way because I know I need to write, it's my passion, or at least it was, I think, But now everything is about work. Thank God I don't have a fish, cat, or dog- I would be the worst companion for them. Oh, but I do long to have a pet someday. Maybe when my boss has an anti-bah-humbug dream things will change? He is saying that he plans to offer one of us a promotion which starts the petty bullshit at our cubicles. Everyone is either trying to kiss ass, throw someone under the bus (please, let it be me), or they are trying TOO hard(Jenni). Rumors will start, well, they were always going around, just the new rumor that one of us gets to climb the latter to a lesser Hell. How nice. This job is a prize they can keep if you ask me. Ugh- and then there is Johnson. He always tries to compare our performance and scores of our evaluations. SO competitive, yet not very smart. If brains were gasoline HE wouldn't have enough to go half way around an ENGLISH PEA in an ANT'S motorcycle and he would probably stop for directions! My brain is just mush after working this damn job. I am so overworked, I dream about work, and now, as I sit here ..... I write about work.

I day dream of tripping and falling down the stairs just to go home but, I know my luck.... they would do Zoom meetings from the hospital and/or memorial service. They didn't get the memo because I was no longer alive, but there will be someone who eventually will take my place (LORD watch over him or her) this job is grueling, daydream of jumping off a bridge during the meetings and how fun that would be. I guess this is all I have to say about it today. Tomorrow's a whole new day to hate the hell out of your job! Toxic-ass Rumor Mill....... I hear the news come on the TV, I turn it up so that I can hear... what?! HELL- no way !!!! It burnt down!! The place I work at has burned down and I do not know how to feel about it. On the one hand, hell ya, let me help you with the matches, but on the other hand I wanna pour the gasoline, and if there was a third hand I would hope it could be rebuilt....good thing I don't have a second hand. *SMIRK*

NO work tomorrow! Until then... goodnight!!!!!

I wake up early, hungry and alone

With no one to talk to cause I can't pay my phone

The day is so dreadful, it's cold and so long

No one to talk to to tell them what's wrong.

The cabinets are empty, they are so bare

I start to wonder if anyone cares.

When you are unwealthy the days take forever,

You think you can't be me..

But never say never!

Hello, thank you for calling ATT, how can I help you today?

Me: Hi, I am calling to request more time to pay my bill. I recently lost my job and my mother in law was diagnosed with cancer and money is just tight right now. Can you help me with this?

Yes, Ma'am, I am sorry to hear about your situation, but let me tell you about this... we have an iPhone 14 that you can have for just $5.00 a month. It is brand new and you could also get a Samsung Galaxy the newest version for $5.00 also.

Me: Oh wow, Okay, I can do that......

Hanging up the phone as I realize how f***ked I just made myself and still didn't get an extension on the bill! (eyeroll)

I seriously don't understand how you can tell them you are broke and they sell you something anyways.

This is why I procrastinate the heck out of calling Att- TRUE Story

I live in Mississippi. Back in 2002 we were invaded by these horrible looking bugs. They made loud noise and had big wings and just all together freaked me the hell out. I would not leave my house unless I absolutely had to. Friends would pop in and if one got in the door way I would scream bloody murder and have someone get it out. One day one was on my car and I didn't want to get out of my truck and that thing get near me- so my crazy ass gets on the interstate...climbing speeds trying to knock that sucker off with the wind. Did it work? Nope. That thing rode with me through 3 different towns and back. Finally my friends mom just knocked it off like it was nothing. Another night during this nightmarish event we stopped at the Bowling Alley to speak to the on duty cop that was working. He walked up to the car and they were crawling all over him and he was just OK with it...mean while I screamed for my friend to roll the window up. I had a diary at the time and drew pictures of my hatred for these things. I was terrified. Finally, one night, I was getting ready to go out and one landed on me. I started screaming, ripping my clothes off out in my front yard, tumbled down the hill and was so stressed I started my period right then. LOL After that, they slowly started to go away...but they will be back- AND I WILL NOT BE ready. Just saying.....

My grin is so wide and I laugh at your jokes

You would never know inside that I feel so broke.

Dancing and singing, and having such fun

But inside I feel like I need to run

I put on a brave face for all of my fam

but my heart and my soul feel so damned.

You say I am happy, funny, and not shy

but inside I feel that I should just die.

I feel that life is like a terrifying roller coaster

with all its ups and downs

I miss being a kid riding the spinning tea cups

spinning round and round.

I swim around in life through the depression and the stress

only to find myself drowning in a pool of all this mess.

It's hard to keep on going when you think the cause is lost

People say life is good, but I believe that is false.

Hip Hip Hooray,

Here comes the best story ever!

We all will meet, we all will write,

Once we get together!

Some are typing, some are writing,

but some of us are blocked

Twirling pencils in their hand,

trying to unlock the fog.

Some stories are so funny,

and some of them are not.

and some of them are scary,

we like all of them a lot!

We wake the city up

by sharing all the news

we even write the music

and that includes the blues!

There are so many people in here but not enough room,

there is an empty trash can too, but no trash bags or a broom.

Someone put their coke cans in the sink

and now the small room begins to stink.

I hear an awful song in my head that appears to be stuck on repeat

and I'll be damned- someone just turned up the heat!

It's hot and humid and spiders are crawling up the wall

I do not like this room so much, I'm not fond of it at all.

There are bingo numbers never called and cake that's never made

As I come to realize this, my smile begins to fade.

Sitting next to a talkative Know-it-all

I get what I believe is a spam robo call-

All of this has happened before my day even begins,

I cannot help but wonder what fresh hell I'm in.