you pretend that it never happened

but i know you’ll never stop remembering.

that you are one of the many reasons

that my heart keeps trembling.

because of all your faults,

that you perceived as mine.

i was only an innocent child

but not in your eyes.

because of all the words you’ve said

repeated on a daily basis.

the angry marked walls that had never faded

and my arms that were red from your grasp.

the floor hurt more when i fell because of you.

unable to breathe because at school it happened too.

you could’ve at least pretended to care

or let me know that you did.

sadly, you were too oblivious to notice

how badly i was suffering.

because i was so tired of running

and done with always being locked in.

i could never understand why it was just me

or how i was never good enough.

crying out to god asking what i did wrong

and my only answer was the oxygen in my lungs.

i knew you saw how much i could wreck

in such little time.

how much louder i had screamed,

the way my ribs started to poke out,

and still you never listened to me.

you only heard my tone of voice

but not my heartfelt words.

to this day i could never forget

because i still wince at the sound.

how much i hate when you’re

angry and around.

but if only you could’ve been more.

more fragile with my bones,

forgiving on my mistakes,

and gentle on my soul.

maybe i wouldn’t be so afraid.

not of you,

but that one day i’ll act that way too.

alone in the night she cried out,

“you’re better off without me”

as she pushed the world away.

the sky rolled over, the moon stopped shining, and her lungs became still. she was only focused on five lonely words.

“i’ll never be good enough”

as she took her final breath the stars fell back into place. she couldn’t help but have the thought of the words they’ve left behind.

“nobody will ever love you”

and so, her heart became laced with

“goodbye”

because she was too emotionless to not let go.

Why is it that there is more than one type of heartbreak?

1. the all at once, world is crashing down around me, i can no longer breathe sort of heartbreak where it seems like there is nothing left to hope for, and perhaps love should not be real if losing it hurts this much.

2. the heartbreak of betrayal. when you trust something or someone that much, you’re giving them the power to hurt you in a way you’ve never been hurt before, like the floor has been taken out from under you and you’re falling with no end in sight, with no crevice to grasp. this is that type of pain.

3. the loss of something you love. this is heartbreak almost everyone has been subjected to, if you’ve lived long enough on this earth. the unique thing about this type of pain is that it isn’t like numbers 1 or 2, where it’s all at once. no, it comes in waves. the hurt can be small, nagging at your ankles begging for your attention but still easy to ignore; however, with this type of heartbreak one must always be prepared for the waves that will drown you, that’ll pull you under and have you gasping for breath wondering if there truly is an escape. it doesn’t seem as overwhelming, i guess, in the beginning. but sometimes this pain can hurt the most.

4. now...number 4 is probably the most unique, and the most uncommon because many people do not have to experience this kind of pain. this heartbreak is reserved for those who feel too much, whose empathy can be one of their biggest assets but also one of their most despicable tools of self-torment. what is this pain? it is the heartbreak of breaking another’s heart. perhaps it sounds almost poetic, in a way, but the reality is that it is unexpected and it is bitter and fills you with guilt that you can’t really seem to dispel without a little passing of time. your heart feels as if it is being squeezed in between your ribs as a punishment for tearing apart another. you deserve this, your brain whispers as you wonder if you truly made the right decision in hurting someone who cared so much. in a twisted way, it almost seems as if breaking someone else’s heart means you broke yours too. this is the pain that you dread, because it creates your fear of love, and sometimes - even a reluctance to be loved.