An angry mob

Rushes against

My most vital organ

Overwhelming

Yelling

Burning to the ground

What has been built

And I just want them to

Be quiet.

Shut up.

Silence.

Shh. Shhh. Shhhh.

Leave me alone.

Let me cry in

My lonesome

Loneliness.

My shame is a catalyst

For disaster

Dry grass

Lighter fluid

Under a lit match

The wrongs against

The self

Rise and gather

In my stomach

Sickening

Painful

Deadly

"How's it going?"He asks.

I turn my shameful

face away and whisper,

"It's going."

And silently,

Invisibly,

I fall apart.

Adventurous dreams,

Swirling emotions.

I reach out and touch them.

They smear across my hands,

Wet paint bleeding in water.

My thoughts are consumed.

My function is numbed.

My body is stolen.

I am lost.

The swirls become a maze of not connected walls.

I walk and turn endlessly,

Corners and corners,

Rising up to meet my face as I trip and fall,

And stumble.

Carniverous, starving things,

Follow behind,

Feeding on confusion.

I fall for the final time.

I lie face down in mud of lost identity.

I can't move.

A bone deep exhaustion fills my awareness.

The things are reaching me.

They are reaching down.

They are tearig me apart.

Suddenly, I can feel again.

I am terror.

I am trying to scramble away, but I am held back.

I am stuck.

I am out of control.

I have no control.

Trying to get away,

To part the curtains of confusion.

I am kicking and screaming,

Drowing,

Choking on mud.

I can feel nothing.

I am dead.

Floating in a void.

Consumed,

Once again.

I am a disappointment.

I am a disappointment.

I am a disappointment.

Lie?

Truth?

To whom?

To me.

To them?

To everyone.

Lie?

Truth?

Lie?

Truth.

I am a disappointment.

That is true.

Golden fields glint in silver moonlight.

Bronze wind chimes ring like tiny bells in the winds

That blow in from the glittering sea.

Shimmering drops of water float on the shining leaf

On its way to drop in the water.

Clusters of starlight reflect in the

Sparkling eyes of a little girl.

Whispers of laughter float upon the summer wind

From places far away.

In the silence of the gleaming night,

The girl's smile can be heard for mile's.

Oh, stars.

What magic they hold.

Sparks of color hold the attention

Of a young princess ruling her glossy kigdom

Of hills and forests

And dewdrops.

The beauty of her little place in the world

Is seen in the tears that run down her face,

Glistening in the light of night.

Oh, joy.

Oh, happiness.

How it shines!

I randomly decided today that I wanted to eat a slice of cheese, even though I really don’t like cheese and cheese makes me very sick, as well as makes me feel horrible, but it was just one of those I-hate-everything-and-everyone-because-they-suck-so-maybe-if-I-consume-something-I-don’t-like-I-might-have-an-actual-reason-for-not-liking-it-and-maybe-I-will-gain-a-new-perspective-on-food-I-don’t-like-and-people-I-don’t-like-and-this-world-I-don’t-like-and-maybe-my-life-will-be-changed-for-the-better-and-everything-will-be-better-and-I-will-have-like-an-epiphany-or-something-and-understand-everything-about-the-world-around-me-and-I-will-be-a-genius-and-life-will-be-good-and-I-will-finally-be-happy-and-if-it-doesn’t-make-anything-better-maybe-it-would-make-me-sick-because-I’m-bad-at-math-and-have-a-really-bad-end-of-term-final-test-today-that-I-have-not-studied-for-and-it-was-two-in-the-morning-and-I-couldn't-sleep-and-I-was-really-bored-and-it-seemed-like-such-a-good-idea-at-the-time-and-I-was-just-like-oh-my-gods-let’s-do-something-crazy-but-it-wasn’t-crazy-and-it-was-instead-very-stupid-and-it-was-a-really-really-really-bad-idea-and-I-really-regret-it-and-I-never-want-to-eat-another-dairy-product-again-and-I-am-so-utterly-disappointed-that-nothing-bad-happened-that-I-think-I-might-cry kind of day, which I am sure you have experienced, as every single person I have ever talked to has, but I am sure they all got over it, and I am sure you got over it, just as I know I eventually will get over it, but until I do, will you help me to stop panicking and obsessing over this small thing, so I can stop saying this really long sentence to everyone I talk to, because it is tiring me out, and the point of periods is so that you can pause and breathe, but this is a really long sentence, and I am really struggling--not only with the fact that I feel like crap because I ate cheese, which is a dairy product, and which I do not cope well with, but also because you're really hot, and it's really hot, but I think that might just be me because I am so tired, as well as sick--with the fact that it keeps going on, but I am not even sure if this is a sentence, or a long monologue with the vague structure of a sentence--sentence-like at least-- and I think I really really need to end soon, but I am not sure I will have the willpower to talk to you again because you are really so so so hot, though I think I might have already said that, I guess, though I am really feeling faint, so that might be why I don't rememember, and oh gods, there's the blackout.

*thump*

Harry Potter.

Why is he a wizard?

He should make pots.

And be very hairy.

Hairy Harry Potter makes pots.

I also think of this most days:

Instead of, "You're a wizard Harry.", I think, "You're a Harry Wizard."

Home smells like dirt,

Tracked in by little feet.

Snow fallen from shoes,

Collected on the way to the people we meet.

Home is dust and baking cookies.

It's cupcakes and old stuffed cats.

Dry books,

And kitty litter.

Home smells like love,

And shiny new shoes.

Hot chocolate,

Homade noodles,

Homade soup.

Musty,

Faintly sweaty,

After snow clothes removed,

After a day out in winter.

Fresh and flowery.

Fresh water and cut grass,

Through the open windows in summer.

Rain and acrylic paints,

Baking bread.

Accident-prone children,

And burned curtains.

Home smells like wood stain,

And sawdust.

Like old fabric,

And hot glue.

It smells like watery sunshine,

And like laundry detergent.

Chocolate,

And fresh spices.

Home smells like mess,

But it also smells like comfort.