Darkness
My therapist said I was younger than four,
When I learned that I would never be enough,
That years went by inside my brain,
And made me older than I was.
I don't remember most of that time,
Only after I was six,
And I started to write.
When I was seven I decided,
That I could be just enough,
If I gained not a pound more,
And stayed skinny and short.
When I was nine I learned,
That boys and girls are different,
They pushed me away,
And called me names,
Because of my gender.
When I was ten my mom told me,
She expected more of me than my brother,
The fifteen year old boy,
Who no one saw struggling.
I thought I had to be an adult.
When I was eleven I learned,
What it means to be betrayed,
To lose all of your friends,
Because of a popularity status you can't change.
When I was twelve I was stuck,
Listening to a boy,
Tell me about my body,
Like I was nothing but a pretty toy.
When I was thirteen I decided,
The world was better off alone,
And I wasn't needed anymore,
To drown in my sorrows.
At fourteen I learned,
That she had always known,
The woman I trusted with my life,
Had been the one to leave me drown.
At fifteen I've decided,
I don't care any more,
There's nothing worse in this world,
Besides physical torture.
So when she gripes and she yells,
About how my face never changes,
I hold myself back from explaining,
That she's the one that did this.
Impossible to Love
I'm not an easy person to like.
I talk too much,
And my voice fills the silence,
Because I'm afraid,
Of the dead, never-ending quiet,
That comes with rejection.
I laugh too loud,
When the others are polite,
And I can't stop the smile,
That is my very plight.
I smile too big,
When I am supposed to be sad,
And somber like the others,
Because happiness is bad.
I ask too many questions,
When I feel insecure,
And I know I annoy everyone,
Because of my need to make sure.
I fight too much,
With my words and my fists,
And create an environment,
Where even peace feels amiss.
I give too much,
Until I have nothing left,
And my body is an empty well,
Drained dry by their theft.
I let them hurt me too much,
Because I forgot how to stand up,
And fight another day,
And not be a rug.
I am not an easy person to like,
I must be impossible to love.
Strong Enough
I said I would be strong,
When times grow tough,
And all is lost,
And the world has grown rough.
I said I would carry you,
If you needed my aid,
And I could be your shelter,
Protecting you from the rain.
I would hold you when you cried,
Because that's what friends do,
Never mind that you turn away.
When I threaten to break, too.
I promised you all the world,
Before I understood,
That you cared a lot less about me,
Than you really should.
I let you use me,
Every moment I was awake,
To take my mind in your hands,
And twist it until it breaks.
Are you happy now,
When I am broken and alone,
And all is lost,
I watch you leave me in the dust.
I am not strong enough.
Unjust
I don't think we understand,
How twisted we've become,
There are children being sent to die,
While we're oblivious in our fun.
Can't you see the faces,
Of those little ones who've died,
Forced to face the full brutality,
Of a justice system that has lied?
Can't you hear them screaming,
They are crying for your help,
Some will die in the chair today,
And some will rot on the prison's back shelf.
And yet, here we are,
Living our daily lives,
As if our friends and family,
Couldn't possibly be the next to die.
I’m Trying!
Today I feel so helpless,
Trapped inside my own head,
I can't seem to break out,
Which must be why I feel so dead.
The world is moving forward,
Assignments due every day,
And yet I seem to remain in place,
Watching opportunities fade away.
I want to run or scream or hide,
Anything but be inside,
But whenever I seem to try,
I break down in my room and cry.
It's too much.
It's too much.
It's too much.
I cannot keep the darkness at bay,
It creeps up behind me,
It always seems to find me,
No one sees me fading away.
I've fought so hard and for so long,
Don't I deserve a break,
A break from the stress,
So my work isn't late.
I'm trying!
I'm trying!
I swear I'm trying!
The Blood of the Flowers
A Civil War Poem
The flowers were stained red,
With the blood of those who died,
Soldiers spread across the battlefield,
And the flowers far and wide.
I watched them from a distance,
How they swayed in the wind,
So heavy and so weighted,
With the blood of those unfortunate men.
How sad it is that we've resorted to this,
When it comes to our own countrymen,
How hard times must be,
When we will kill our own friends.
I see blue and gray and red,
Molded together,
For what does it matter what color they wore,
When they will all be dead forever?
A Woman, Too
I wish I could be free,
From this torturous eternity,
Where whatever I try to do,
Will be unseen by those who see,
For I am a woman true.
I’d hate to try and speak my mind,
To free myself from this plight,
When I know that whatever I will try,
Could never win this fight,
For now I am a woman, too.
I cannot believe that you are blind,
To the fear inside my eyes,
For your suppression, I come to find,
Is here to silence my cries,
A woman used to be one of a kind.
Now I am nothing,
Unequal to you,
Except as a footrest,
To rest your new woman shoes,
I used to be a woman, too.
When it Comes
I will not tiptoe,
I will not whisper,
I will not hide away,
When the world falls off kilter.
I will not kneel,
When I need to take a stand,
I will not be silenced,
Unless by death's hand.
And when the world turns upside down,
So what is right is now wrong,
I know that my morals,
Will keep me standing strong.
I'll be on the front lines,
Rifle in my hands,
Not hoping to live,
But knowing that I have a chance.
What will you do,
When the time comes to take up arms?
Will you hide in the corner,
And shelter from the light,
Or maybe pick up a gun,
And join a side in the fight?
Will you choose to be strong,
And stand for what you believe,
Or will you cower in the face of fear,
And seek only for reprieve?
Freedom
If there is something to fight for,
Fight for freedom.
Freedom to love,
Freedom to fail,
Freedom to know,
And freedom to hail.
Freedom to live,
And freedom to learn,
And freedom to feel safe,
And unconcerned.
Freedom to protest,
Freedom to change,
Freedom to strengthen,
And freedom to shape.
This is our freedom.
I Hear the Sound of Battle Cries
I hear the sound of battle cries
Screeching into the night
The war has gone on long enough
And we’ve reached the final fight.
Our soldiers are so tired
So ready to go home,
They’ve lost their friends and families
To the massacre’s harsh tomb.
We hear their sorrows in the night
They’re crying for relief,
For end to pain and something to ease,
The unending waterfall of grief.
Every single man’s exhausted,
Their swords heavy in their hands,
And still they scream their battle cries,
To fight for a free land.