Never a perfect daughter,

My sister already is.

Never a good academic performer,

That girl just got a scholarship.

Never a good person,

As I'm my father's daughter.

A tad bit of disappointment,

That's all it takes to be claimed as his daughter,

His unwanted daughter, deeply loathed

Because he is.

His daughter, bound to be worthless

Because he is said to be.

His daughter, who doesn't know her father,

Despite living with him her entire life.

His daughter, who hurdles into a corner,

For she would rather not be approached.

His daughter, who only ever craves peace,

A peace that has never existed in the house.

At the end of the day, I'm just my father's daughter,

Who no one believes can do something good in her life.

Late nights spent looking up at the moon and the stars from the rooftop in the chill of a January night, with no one's company makes me sometimes lose myself in the beauty of the night sky and ponder about various things in depth. Cold air passes by from time to time and few vehicles swiftly pass by down the road, the city lights add a mesmerizing effect to the view. I think about life, thoughts about what the future beholds for me always captures my deep interest. I  wonder what I'd be doing five years later, would I be in my dream city living the life I've been visualizing in my head? Would I be in love with a man that surpasses my extremely high and unrealistic standards?

It also gives me a chance to bring out the inner child in me. It's like I'm free to feel various emotions so vividly, like exploring my own self. I suddenly become myself with no shield covering me from the world. There's no one that finds me annoying or boring or too childish or too quiet. I simply do not fear others' judgements about what they would say I am like. Because, there's no one to observe and understand me but myself on such a  deep level.

These nights make me never want to let go of that moment and the emotions I'm feeling at that moment. Just hold on to it tight and keep it in my safe embrace. But yet again, I have to return back to my room, under my blanket. The thoughts still roam around my mind in circles. I tell them to shush and fall into a deep sleep, only to dream of me in my dream city five years later.

Cozy late evenings engulf me  in a sense of calm and comfort. Soft music plays on my phone,  mingling with the distant hum of vehicles on the road. It's almost completely dark outside, the sun having set just a few minutes earlier.

So many different people walk by below my window, some in a hurry whereas some leisurely, without a care in the world. The older ladies of the neighborhood stand together, collecting the daily gossip with their evening teas. The little ones play various games, shouting and laughing, their eyes sparkle and the joy is visible in their faces. Some people exhale a sigh of relief, as they finally reach the comfort of their homes  after a long day at work. The local store owners sit outside their stores and light a fire to resist the evening chill.

Every single person has their own unique lives. I love the way I find solace in crafting my own interpretations of their lives, just sitting there on my window and gazing outside, as the sunset paints the sky a mesmerizing blend of different shades of orange.

Oh how wonderful yet strange it feels to listen to music and relate to it so deeply with your soul. Singing along the words that describe the feeling of loneliness and regret, your fingers slowly move with their own rhythm on your folded knees and the body feels weightless, like flying in the air. There's an overwhelmingly huge run of emotions in you and the heartache slowly creeps in. The eyes close, everything else is forgotten.

You start to visualize a different hazy world, a world where there's no one but you, roaming around, capturing in the beautiful nature. The tears slowly break free like waterfalls, causing you to slowly let loose of the exhaustion you've been holding on to and reflect on your pain and heartbreak. By the end of the song , you're lost in the world of your imagination, engulfed in the mixed feelings of euphoria, despair and nostalgia.

I might be having a miserable day, I might be crying my heart out to myself praying for everything to be alright, family issues might be making me want to just run far away from everyone but even then, just one text, just one minute of conversation with him and I feel like I'm wrapped in a comforting embrace. There comes a feeling of inner contentment that slowly flutters right through my soul acting as an ointment to make me feel better. That's what he does to me. He heals me, unaware that I'm hurt...like slowly gathering the broken pieces of my heart and mending them to be one again. And no, the sadness doesn't end, the reality doesn't change, but somehow I become okay with it all, with a new hope that the happiness I pray for will come along in the future, with him.