Under an umbrella lost in thought

      rhythmic taps drops against stretched fabric

Under an umbrella alone in my world

      shadows skimming swiftly along shiny surfaces

Under an umbrella our gazes cross

      eyes wet by tears or by the weather

Under an umbrella our bodies come closer

      a warm front to rest my weary head

Under an umbrella our lips meet

      the rain splinters into a mist

Under the umbrella the skies have cleared

the sun reigns once more and

a rainbow can be seen between you and me.

“So, what do you think?”

“I think that I’m getting blind, with the sun burning its way through my retina like that.”

Raphael’s head tiled, propelled by his sigh. “You know, you could just ask me to draw the curtains some more, instead of using such a dramatic statement.”

He tilted his chair just far enough for his arm to reach the cotton curtain behind him and jerk it sideways, completely covering the window and the sun looking in on their conversation. Light still got through the kitchen from the other windows, but it felt more like a casual eavesdrop, Pauline noted. The two front legs of Raphael’s chair connected with the floor once more, wood on wood tapping. He repeated his question to her.

“What do I think? I think that I can see you better now. Thank you.”

Evading the actual meaning of the question and they both knew it. “Ok yes, I know, that’s not what you meant—” she quickly continued before he could voice his frustration “but truthfully, I don’t know what to say about it. I’m sure that it’d be fun, it’s just that I don’t think that it can be pulled off in actuality…”

“Oh come on. You can’t say that you’ll be going off on your own, or something like that?”

“Yeah, sure! I’ll tell him ‘I’ll be going this random place for three days. Alone. No offence I hope! You know I love you.’ Only a rock would think there’s nothing iffy with this.” Pauline exclaimed, raising her hands and dropping them on the table with a noticeable smack.

Raphael got up, and moved his tall frame from facing Pauline to the next chair closest to her. He put an arm around her shoulders and grabbed her hand that was finger tapping furiously on the wood grain with his remaining hand. Glancing at their hands joined together like that, Pauline thought of the time she read in a textbook about the sun casting light and shadow on the sides of a building. His hand light, her hand shadow.

“Okay I get it, but at least try asking him. I’m sure he’d understand, and he’s not going to suspect anything, since you’re not going to tell him I’ll be there too, right?” he said, squeezing her hand at the last word to prompt her to respond.

“No, of course I’m not going to say you’ll be around, that would be asking for drama that I can’t afford to have,” waving away his concern with a wave of her free hand, “not even mentioning that he’d say 'no' fast enough to break speed limits.”

“You know,” Raphael softly proposed “you can speak normally; I’ll love you all the same” sealing his words with a soft kiss on the cheek.

Pauline’s mouth widened into a smile before she realized it happened. “What? I thought you said you loved me because I was fun. I have to make sure to keep you entertained, lest you decide to look elsewhere” she chuckled, finishing with a wink to him.

“Don’t worry babe, that won’t happen for sure. We’ll find a way to spend time alone together. He won’t know a thing and everything will be fine.”

As he leaned to kiss her, down the hallway and behind a closed bedroom door, Aston was quietly kneeling, gluing his ear to the door and to the unfolding conversation. Clumsily brushing his brown waves away from his eyes, he wondered in confusion who was the person his mother didn’t want to bring along. His legs tingling and tiring with the activity, he got up and shuffled his feet to a bright blue box labeled “Toys – Cars” to pull out his favourite flaming red car to play with.

I hurt my wrists today.

I banged them on the desk.

I banged them in an outburst of emotional display

I banged them because I wasn't heard.

I banged them because I wanted to physically feel release of my mental anguish

I banged them because I wanted to kill myself.

                    I hurt because I'm numb

                    I hurt because I rage

                    I hurt because I'm wretched.

                    I hurt because I'm hurt.

Thoughts of silky quietness coax me to do it again

This time hard enough to break bone.

I don't think I'm able to argue to the contrary this time.

Let me see you again, carefree and biting down on every ripe fruits life grows for you. Hear your voice telling me of mundane and wishful things. Let me feel your presence take a seat in that privileged area of my heart, its warmth reviving my soul. Fill my lungs with the signature scent of my favourite corner of your body. Let me crave the flavour of you once more.  Keep you in my possession longer yet between interlaced fingers, before I release you to the currents that will place you back where you belong in that family photo.

Saw beautiful views,

Enjoyed learning more about the branches

That grew from the mother tree

The best part

Was when we returned.

Those that say

Time away rejuvenates*

Omit the asterisk

Leading them to

The post-scriptum clause

*When one’s kids aren’t present

The days went on and frittered away

Dragged on slowly the way my fingers caress your skin

Lightning seared across the sky

Dimmed by clouds the way my lace meets your eyes as I move so

The faucet lets water escape

Fat droplets fall heavily the way my lips covers the distance across your neck

Car bass on blast

Booms amplifying the way your heart cranks up with every touch

Crystalline mist clung on window panes

Until beads avalanches down the way your excitement condenses on your skin

The crowd shouts with mounting energy

Just take the shot already the way your lips lock mine with growing urgency

The sound of sand skittering on a marble floor

When meat met the flame the way our bodies sear together

Construction season in full swing

Deafening hammering the way we move as frenzy takes over

A jogger pants along the way

Footfalls echoes in the quiet of the night the way you drum your power through

Peals of delight effervescent

released by contact in water the way we reach satiety

Cricketing sawing through a lazy afternoon

As dogs slumber the way we quietly bask in each other’s dissipating heat.

Let me erase all evidence that you ever broke a sweat

With my tongue, but as I wipe down the path from your torso

Goosebumps now spring up like mushrooms.

Let me press my lips here and there

Down at the edge of the clearing

Only for a rest, and a flutter here and there.

Let me glide my hands silently

Over the hills and valleys of your body my touch barely a feather,

Causing a chaotic storm behind closed lids

Circling over before resting on the blades of your hips.

Let me not waste water

Especially this trembling pearl that's about to tumble off

Here, slowly scaling around my tongue will climb up the crag

Rustling for a hold at the underside of a small ridge

Before slinking up to the top to bring quench to my thirst.

Let me taste you inside out

I’m wondering what’s the secret ingredient

My lips find the experience so breath-taking 

Her sister wants to drink it all in too.

Let me rappel down the length of you

Propelling in and away from you

Until I reach the ground on a dizzying unsure footing

Let me... bask in the whole of you. Next trip out I’ll

Let you discover the landscapes over on my side.

Two words so plain

that melts in

common refrain:

“I do do the dishes”,

“I do all the cooking”, 

“I do think she 

ain’t worth two heaves”.

Two words,

by themselves,

little weight they bear 

lest you drop them in the right atmosphere.

Then, for all who can hear

and for all who are here

most of all,

the one you hold dear

Stressed and unstressed,

paired iambically,

two words bind your lives

fiscally if not spiritually.

But I’ll be damned

and my pants on fire

if I claim I was calm,

not a shake met my palm

when the man asked “Will you…?”

So my mind took a step

to ask “Are you sure?”

My sight gone in a blur–

a tear must have misstepped–

I come to realize

That in him the rest of my story lies

Feeling love, loved and reassured,

I reply “I do, come what may”.