For context, I was going to recite this for a post to my instagram. But it's kind of fitting that I never did and probably never will.

Yknow,

Sometimes I want to be that person

The "big things coming soon" person

As if to say I am important

As if you're all waiting to see what great things I am up to

Sometimes I want to be that person

Who tells stories from the heart

A short transmission, like breaking news

Straight into your tiny screen

Maybe I play some trendy song

To go along with these words I'm trying to speak

But really,

I know you guys don't care

All these followers that are following me

None of you really expect anything it seems

And that's great I suppose

But sometimes I crave the attention

I have lived vicariously through my own tiny little screen

But I want to make my own name now

Historically, as I'm sure you're unaware

I do my bi annual photo dump to remind you that I'm still alive

But aside from that

I'm just a person who's easily forgettable

I'm that person you might run into at the shops and think

Oh, wow, she's still here, just existing..

Just wasting her potential

So I suppose this - well this - is me saying

Yes, I am alive.

And yes I have been wasting time

But hopefully,

Yknow, just maybe

There'll be "big things coming soon"

Hi friends, I haven't been active for a long time, but I'm trying to get back into it. The following is a message to a close friend that I'll never send...

She holds so much love in her eyes

For you

And it makes me saddened in a way

To think I couldn't be that for you

For anyone I spose

I'm worried for what this means

I trust her eyes

I do

But I scared that I

Don't have a place

In your life

I'm not sure what this means for me

I'm not sure what it means

When my heart feels bruised

Like the scars from my last heartbreak

Are re-opening

Not enough to feel the full pain

But enough to make my chest ache

I feel like I've failed time and time again

And while I am so glad to see you shine

To see you glow

To feel your joy

I just feel like once again

I need to rebuild

And fortify

And harden myself until there's no pain left

I just hope she likes me

So I don't have to leave

So then I won't be left alone

(You need to make sure her happiness comes first, if she doesn't like me then I won't argue and I won't fight it, because she has every right to tell you if my presence makes her uncomfortable and you have every responsibility to make sure she doesnt need to worry one bit)

I would guess that the origin of morality is entwined with religion or faith in an omnipotent being. Those who have faith in a higher power are inclined to claim that morality is objective and I hate to discredit other's beliefs, as for some their faith is how they navigate the world, but perhaps that was the intent from the beginning.

To explain the connection I will attempt to go back to basics.

Humans discovered at an early stage that existing within a community was beneficial to each member, far more beneficial than a "lone wolf" approach. Anything from farming, to infrastructure, to technology, to language, and innovation; theyre products of our shared knowledge.

But what is to keep one individual from destroying everything that the community has built? An eye for an eye? That may only work to a certain extent before the tit for tat attitude brings an end to the social order.

Assigning a government or an authority would be the next step, to assert rules and guidelines, but how would they keep these in place?

It's unwise to rely on others to follow rules if there is no consequence (take the shopping trolly theory for instance https://www.google.com/amp/amp.hit.com.au/story/this-shopping-cart-theory-reveals-if-you-re-a-good-person-or-a-public-menace-154763) But we also cannot afford to lose members of our tribes by banishing or punishin them for wrongdoing. As there may be collective riots and protests.

From there we begin to devide society into classes in order to control the working population by limiting their education and imposing social constructs (e.g. that your station is set at birth and that is simply the way that the world works) the lower classes are less likely to question due to this lack of education.

But how do you stabilise those ideas? Well why not invent a narrative that dictates one will find eternal happiness and joy by obedience in this realm, but eternal damnation for 'sins'.

Hence morals are essentially created.

Apologies if this doesn't make sense I didn't want to miss an opportunity to join the conversation. But a migraine is preventing me from being able to collect my own thoughts very cohesively.

I also would like to say I don't mean to offend anyone by this take on religion, but personally the existence of God is more troubling to me than the lack of one would be and this is how I justify my perspective

I feel like I'm disintegrating

Every step I take I sink into the dirt

Every minute I waste my brain falls apart

I have to actively build upon my thoughts upon my limbs

To perpetuate this flesh machine

Sense is senseless without context and context is given only through experience

If you do not feel as I do

Then this shall fall upon deaf ears

If you do not think as I think

Then you will never see as I see

I ramble only because sense is senseless and thoughts are arbitrary

I ramble for you to make sense of my senselessness

Sleeplessness

Tiredness

Emptiness

Nothingness

We are all a trial for the perfect person.

We are programmed to seek partners genetically different, so that our offspring will essentially have a software update.

Nature searches for perfection in the physical realm.

Meanwhile each generation becomes more and more knowledgeable through centuries of education and discoveries.

Humans are also philosophically strive for ultimate enlightenment.

I see myself as a puzzle piece, the area I lack is completed by others and others complete me.

I truely believe that we as a species must some day - if given the time - reach a pinacle.

One day a living human will become the culmination of our shared knowledge and shared genetic variation.

They will demonstrate the bigger picture of this puzzle of which I am a part.

Each individual is a transient phase of imperfections in the search for the ideal human being.

And with this new found understanding, I have come to terms with my imperfection.

As I know that no matter how small my influence on the future, no matter how seemingly insignificant my role in creating the superlative human being. I was here. I have made a mark.

I know that I existed as a puzzle piece in the perpetual machine of mother nature’s mission.

I want you to hold me in your arms until I’m sound alseep.

Just once.

I know you hold me all the time

but my mind never quietens enough.

I’m never capable of sleeping with my head on your chest

listening to your gentle heart thump.

The sound wriggles its way into my thoughts

Until it’s all I think

A heart beat.

A biological clock.

There is no now

only the time we have left.

Yet we know not

how long that may be for you and me.

I love snuggling close together with your forehead against my cheek.

Our bodies skillfully entwined

But I hate your warm breath

breathing where I breath.

Sharing back and forth the oxygen that resided in our lungs

It makes me far too conscious of my body’s futile efforts at keeping me alive.

So many things out of my control.

It’s just nature.

Biology.

It’s just life.

A life I never wanted.

But a life I get to live.

It’s too much for me to think about

it’s even worse to think alone.

I’ll never get control

So at least you’re there to calm me down

when even my thoughts get too much.

Which is why I need to fall asleep inside your arms.

Anyone interested in participating in season 2 of #thebookexchange? Read below!

You can be anywhere in the world. All you have to do is buy your favourite book, or pull it off your shelf (just one) and send it to a stranger (I'll send their details in private message).

You'll receive roughly a maximum of 36 books back to you, to keep. They'll be favourite books from strangers around the world!

If you are interested in taking part just message me (or express your interest below) and I'll send through the details.

"Families when a child is born

Hope it will turn out intelligent.

I, through intelligence

Having wrecked my whole life,

Only hope that the baby will prove

Ignorant and stupid.

Then he'll be happy all his days

And grow into a cabinet minister."

BY SU TUNG-PO

TRANSLATED BY ARTHUR WALEY

Just wanted to share one of my favourite poems.

There is an illusion of free will, my fate has been determined.

Every thought I might think and every choice I might make.

It’s already been made.

You see space and time are connected, as Einstein has demonstrated.

And if space and time are connected, dependant on the observer.

If time is relative.

Then is it not simultaneous?

It must, I believe it truely must.

And light proves this to us, as we visually observe everything happening after its already occured...

And if simultaneously everything occurs, our perception is the only evidence of that concept called “time”.

So space and time are connected.

Time is but a construct.

Everything that has, is, and will happen is happening right now.

Everything is set.

Every thought has been thunk.

Every hand has been played.

Every die has landed.

And every cat has died - or survived - in that box.

Even the first time that I realised this was already set in stone.

But don’t let this bother you. Because if the multiverse exists, then despite the future being set, still anything is possible as you still will never know

what path exactly is your own.

The universe was created in a blaze of blinding light, a happy accident, but an accident all the same. Here I am and here she is, a cosmic coincidence that we happened to exist together. But my helpless knowledge overcomes my nature - my love - for this faithful creature. She makes me wish I was as niave as her.