Assuming you are reading this, the path ahead is now carved in stone. The finding of this letter means I never made it out of here and you, dear reader, is now headed down the same path I choose, looking for the same thing I sought. I sincerely hope you do not come across the same horrors, that I have experinced, but I fear that in this place, they are unavoidable. My first warning to you, dear reader: do not turn around! The faint shimmer of light ahead, seems to be the only sanctuary from the dark shadows. It's thin rays of damped light must always remain in sight. If it hits your back a grusome fear will awaken that will forever shade the light from you. Dear reader you must keep moving, even as you are reading my words. Stopping for too long in this frigid environment, freezes the bones, making them heavy and aching. As these words indicate I do not know exactely what lies at the source of the light. We are all looking for something in this world, and even though our goals may seem similar, there are always differences. Sometimes small, sometimes big. Dear reader my bones are cold, my heart is heavy and my eyes can barely see from behind this dark fog. Altough my words have installed in you the exact fear they are trying to dim, remember that the presence of fear does not mean the evisceration of your goals.

From inside the living room I stare out into the night. Complete darkness just on the other side of the window, no stars, no street lights, not even a flicker of moonlight pierces through the black skies above. Just like staring into the void, there is nothing, not even my own reflection in the glass. My bare feet touches a cold, hard wood floor. As I shift my weight back and forth, I sense the slight bend in the wood, and hear a minimal creak from the affected planks. Behind me, coming from the kithcen, I hear the increasing sound of boiling water as my kettle heats up the water inside it. I turn around ready to go into the kithcen and as I take my first step i wonder why all the lights are turned off. Why would I put over water and not, atleast turn on the kitchen lights? A weird thing to forget, but i guess I have been forgetting stuff lately. It doesn't matter. I exit the living room and turn right towards the kithcen. Except, the sound of boiling water is now coming from behind me. I turn around and walk straight ahead, until I step in to the kitchen. So now I can't even remember how to get from the living room to the kitchen in my own house? Good job brain. I shouldn't even be awake right now, it's the middle of the night. I have work in the morning, right? No, it's saturday, my bad, I don't work saturdays anymore. I'm getting old. I fumble for the light switch, at the kitchen entrance. Finally I find it, and the lights turn on. I look around the kitchen, blinking my eyes, as they adjust to the sudden light. Such an old kitchen, I really need to get it redone soon. Why have I not done this sooner? I'm not good at getting stuff done, never have been. I open the cabinets, with their old and peeling dark blue paint, and take out a mug. I hear the click, indicating the kettle has done its job, and the boiling water is now slowly cooling down. I pour some instant coffe into the mug and fill it with water. Coffee at this time, good job brain. The bitter smell of coffee fills the air. For a moment I watch the steam slowly rise from the mug before i take a sip. A bitter sensation fills my mouth, too bitter. Do I usually drink this with suger? I probably do. I search through a couple of different cabinets before i find the sugar. Much better. That's how I take my coffee. The caffeine makes my mind wake up a bit. Maybe I should go outside for a bit, it's not too cold this time of year, I think. I go to the front door and pull the handle, it's locked. Where did i put the key? Whatever, I'll find it soon enough. As I think about the possible location of the key I put on some shoes, lying next to the door. My feet feels slightly weird in them, are they too big, is it just my imagination. Maybe I should put socks on. No why bother. I turn around, it's cold, all the lights are off. It's so dark here.

A random fall day, where the sky is covered by grey clouds and the temperature has dropped down the a point where a thick coat is needed, when one is outside. A man walks down a busy sidewalk, right next to a busy street. The sound of cars driving back and forth, honking, breaking, speeding up is mixed with the many small thumps from the footsteps of people. The before mentioned man is walking confidently home from work, where he holds an important position, which makes him feel even more important. Now, the reality is his position is as productive as a monkey in a banana factory and his role could probably be filled by that same monkey. Why such a position would exist within the company could be a mystery to many, if it were not for the man and his predecesors, who all have made an superfluous effort in making sure the position looks important. The man himself also thought the position was very important, since he was only doing what he was trained to do, which was doing the exact same as the people who came before him. This veil of importance made unable to see the reality of his circumstances and it made him feel very proud. As the man walked onto the train station, from where he would find his way home. He did not know that the future of the entire company, he was working for, was suddenly hanging by a thread, very close to complete ruin. Even worse was it that the also did not know, that the reason for the sudden dire situation the company now faced, happened because the man had tried something, that he had never done before and that no one of his former coworkers had ever done before. In an attempt to do something new, something innovative, but also risky, the man had proposed a whole new direction for the company. And because of the importance of his position within the company, people had listened. As the train pulled into the station, the company's stocks dropped to zero and complete bankruptcy were imminent. The man sat in the train and looked at some of the other passengers. He wondered if there were any other on the train, that were as important as he were. Probably not, how could there be? Not on a train like this. The man took out his phone, and that was when he saw it. The complete failure of his company where plastered all over every business news outlet he followed. The man was almost suprised, because how could something like this happen in a company that employed him, in such a highly regarded position? On the other hand the man also knew that the people at the top of the company really weren't that smart and he had long though they should be replaced. He put his phone back in his pocket, leaned back and though about the offers from companies he would recieve, when they were to found out he was available now. At the next stop the man stepped out of the train, just as proud and as important as he had been when he entered it.

all i want is to express my self in a healthy way, that also furfills all of my dreams and desires, is that too much to ask for?? really??? maybe, yes. maybe it is. i know that in real life I have to work for and at things i want to aspire to be, i know nothing is eazy so why do i expect it to be? i keep living in this wierd dreamworld that only consists of me imagining all of my potentiel being used for something, meanwhile all of the time when it doesn't, all of the time when it is wasted i blame myself for ruining my future and my life.

-- so this is really messy, filled with spelling errors and stuff, but pretty fun excercise none the less.

Salty winds on my face and sand beneath my feet

a giant sun is shining, I can not take the heat.

Right there in front of me the ocean waves offer relief

but I dare not take one step forward, my courage was stolen by a theif.

I look all around me, I am the only one here

a moment i stand there thinking, then my heart is stricken with fear.

For my courage was not stolen I simply lost it and I've no idea where

now my feet are burning, I can not move, I can only stare.

As I'm laying here, old and withered, every hour is a giant leap towards the dark embrace, that is the inevitable end, we all must meet. I know, that I have to transcribe to you, my deepest, most darkest secret. Something I never dared mention to you or anyone else before, and still something I will never utter, with the exception of the words I'm writing down in this letter right now. For it is something so terrible and maddening, that speeking of it could drive a sane man crazy, yet it is also too important to die with me. The world deserves to know it, and so do you. But be aware, reading this may couse you immense discomfort and pain. I could not recommend it to anyone, but it is a choice you will have to make yourself. Many years ago, before I met you, or before I met many of the friends we share, I was a young man looking to make a name for myself in the field of anthropology. At the time, the world was not as small as it is today, there were still many undiscovered cultures, which could serve as great research material. Feeling I had nothing to lose, I went with a small group of people, deep into the Amazon rainforest, to find an isolated tribe of people called the Inqwu. The Inqwu were notorious for having a religion and culture so vastly different from anything else in the world, and there were very little written about them as a people and about their strange and otherwordly gods. Me and a colleague of mine, had hired a pair of local guides to help of through the thick rainforest. In the beginning they seemed very friendly and trustworthy, we had some trouble communicating because of the languish barrier, but I was able the show them where we wanted to go. The happy start to our journey, would soon turn sour though. Not far from the location of the Inqwu city, our guides suddenly turned around and started running away, screaming words I did not understand. At first I thought I had been scammed, and had been taking into the jungle by thiefs, who would leave me hear to die. But as I looked ahead I saw something, that made me think the screams and the yelling from our guides were not fake, but were real fear. Now it was only me and my colleague, who shall remain nameless for reasons I will not disclose in this letter, and in front of where giant statue, and we new this was the entrance to the Inqwu city. For the statue was a depiction of something I had never seen before, an animal for sure, but not one that roamed this planet. It was truly grotesque, I almost refrain from describing it. Its body mostly resembled that of a tiger, but instead of fur it was covered in scale, its eyes did were unnaturally large and looked dead like those of a shark. The sight made me shiver, and my colleague suggested that we followed the lead of our fleeing guides and return bag to civilization. He was clearly scared, and so was I, but nevertheless I managed to convince him and convince myself, that we could not turn back, that we had a duty, not only to ourselves, but to our profesion. So together we ventured past the statue, into the city. What we saw in there, I will never tell or write about for one simple reason: on our way back my colleague suggested we split the credit for our findings, even though it was I who persuaded him into going inside the city, when he wanted to turn back. He said he would publish the findings no matter what I did, so one night when he was sleeping I gathered all our work and burned it all. It was only fitting, I thought. Years later my colleague went back to find the Inqwu's but he never returned from the jungle and the Inqwu's were never heard of or seen again. Their city is still there but the miracles and mysteries we saw in our time there, will never be known to the outside world. I take with me to the grave no regret, for any of my actions during that time in my life. I only write this in the hopes that someday someone will go back to the Inqwu city, search the giant tempel in the middle of the city and find the secret pathway that exists wihtin it. If that happens the person who does this, must seal the pathway forever. I cannot stress enough how important that is, but I must also warn you; do not try to follow the pathway. If you go there, you will smell the salt of ocean waves, but it will not lead you to the sea, it will only lead you to suffering.

"It was an accident, it was an accident, it was an accident" the same four words repeating themselves, an endless cycle going round and round, inside his head, as he's driving down an empty road, in the middle of the night. Tall buildings line up along the road, with only a sporadic appearance of life coming from inside them, in the form of lights shinning through the occasional window. But the man doesn't notice any of them, the only thing he sees is the road in front of him, and the only thing on his mind, is those four words. For the first time in his life, will something from his past have a permanent effect on his future. He hits the breaks hard, the car comes to a schreeching stop, right there in the middle of the road. A moment of clarity comes to him and he starts thinking, he begins to think about solutions. But not the normal kind of solution, not the kind that can actually solve a problem. He thinks about the kind of solutions, that exists only for the problems, that can no longer be solved. In that moment, right there in the middle of a lonely, dark road, he makes a decision. He turns the car around and drives back the way he came from. The same four words that haunted him moments before, are still in his head, but they have a different tune to them now, they carry a different weight. They used to be bargaining and consolidation, but they've been turned into words of fact and justification.