Walls
I put up my walls
A long time ago
I wasn’t fond
Of tearing them down
They were strong
They kept me safe
I loved having them
I’ve always been afraid
Of change
Of trying new things
I think when I came here,
I just wanted to go back
Because I left what I knew
And what I know makes me feel safe
But I didn’t have an option
I had to deal with decisions
Made for me by others
I get used to my routines
I can’t break them once formed
When everything is going wrong,
My routines calm me down
This year has been so different
It’s been filled with change
That scared me at first
I wanted to crawl back into my hole
Hide behind my walls
But I didn’t
I forced myself to face it
I’m so glad I did
This has been the best year of my life
Yes, I’ve lost some friends
I’ve had to finally face the fact that I’m growing up
I’ve had to say some difficult goodbyes
But I let my walls down
I stopped caring as much what other people thought
I don’t think it will ever go away completely
But it isn’t nearly as bad as it was
I found out who the people are who will stay at my side
I found the ones who my strong walls are good for
And the ones I should form a door to let in
I found someone who cares about me
Whose arms make me feel as safe as my walls once did
You see,
I’ve learned that walls can be climbed
They can be destroyed
But there’s safety in numbers
There’s safety in closeness
In trust
And I can’t stay hidden away forever
As much as I hate to admit it,
I need people
I would go insane by myself
They may annoy me sometimes,
But they will be there when my greatest enemy is myself
They will tear down my walls
When I try to make them
Higher
And stronger
They will save me
Before I am too far gone
I’ve learned so much this year
I’ve gotten a lot more mature
I’ve understood more
The world can be an ugly place
But the people we love make it beautiful
They give us purpose in being here
I am no longer thinking about running
As soon as I am able
I am now thinking of how I want to form the rest of my life
Right where I am
Life is too short to worry about why people are so mean
It’s not long enough to worry about why we are here
Or what comes next
All that matters is this moment, right now
We have to make our moments the best they can be
We don’t know how many more we will get
When I die,
I don’t want to be remembered as a girl who did what she was told
Who followed all the rules
Who everyone loved
Who was normal
Who was average
I want to be me when I die
Whatever that turns out to mean