Mag raced across the room. She dropped to her knees before a rack of towers, tearing out a wire. "7:15 UTC, and still no sign of the president. What could this mean for the world?" queried the television in the corner. Mag blew on the wire before reinserting it.

"I'm not sure Bill, but..." Mag was back at her console before the reporter could finish. The server room flickered to life. "Wait, the President is here via holoprojector!" The television blared. Mag let out a sigh of relief as she looked up at the blinking lights of the President's mind. 

“It was dim, it smelled salty, like fish. Jordan wouldn’t stop crying, and it was so cold.” The girl began.

Ellen knew it was going to be a long day. This girl wouldn’t stop shaking, even after they wrapped her in blankets, clothed her and fed her. She adjusted her note pad, and nodded politely. “Go on.”

The trembling girl spoke slowly. Her voice was soft, and shook almost as much as she did. “The only light was this pale yellow bulb above the door that hadn’t been replaced in years. We hadn’t heard the thing in awhile, but none of us were brave enough to look outside.”

“What was the thing?” asked Ellen. The girl made no sign of even hearing the question.

“We stayed there. We barricaded the door with what we had. Shelves, frozen fish, ice. Antonio and Claire were arguing, I remember that. The room felt like it was spinning, but that might have just been the boat rocking. There was this fan. It was very loud. There were icicles all around it, and nobody wanted to sit close to it, because it was so cold.”

Ellen listened closely, scribbling down notes as she went. “What happened next?”

“Claire told Antonio to shut up, and Antonio called her a bitch, then Jordan threw up.” The girl recounted. “It was steaming because of the cold. Claire and I told him to calm down. I said that we would all get through this. Jordan told us he didn’t want to end up like Rosie, or Curtis. We told him he wouldn’t.” The girl paused, looking down at the yellowing table. “We were all quiet for a long, long time. All we heard was the fan rumbling. Antonio apologized, and said he loved her. Claire said she forgave him, but I knew she was lying. Antonio tried making some jokes to lighten the mood. They were very bad, but we laughed anyways.”

“And then?”

“He had this joke. This one he always used to tell. He would ask what the difference between a guitar and a fish was, and we’d all groan, and he’d say that you can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish. It was funny. Funny sometimes. Funny because it wasn’t. I think that’s why we laughed. Because we knew none of it was funny, but we had to laugh anyways.”

Ellen nodded, and spoke calmly trying to redirect the conversation. There was something about this girl, or her story, that writhed in the back of her mind.“I know this is hard, but I need you to focus for me. What happened next?”

“Antonio died.” The girl said.

“How?”

“We were sitting there for what felt like hours, but it must have not been very long at all. We were all freezing. Poor Claire was in shorts. Jordan was complaining about his fingers, and how he couldn’t feel them. I said we had to open the door, and Antonio said no, and Claire and him started arguing again. Jordan screamed at us, and I swear Antonio almost killed him right there. I said we had to work together, and they stopped.” She raised a finger, and began to pick at a crack in table. “We flipped a coin, and I won.” She said. “So we moved the shelves, and we moved the fish. I opened the door slowly.”

Ellen watched the girl, making note of the nervous pickings, and her glossy stare. “What did you see?”

The girl stopped, and looked up, her pale knuckles resting on the table uncomfortably. “It felt so warm out there.” She said. “The lights were off, and there were no windows. The galley was mostly the same. Cutting boards to one side, knives to the other. Rosie’s arm was there. I could tell it was hers because the fingers were still painted purple from the night before. I don’t know how it got down there. Rosie wasn’t killed there.” She took a breath. “There was blood near it. A trail of blood leading into the hall. I couldn’t see much. The hall was dark, and all I could see was the open door nearby, and this orb, like a reflector just sitting there.”

The girl paused, letting the tension hang in the air. “Then what happened?” Ellen asked.

“The orb blinked.”

Ellen shifted uncomfortably. The girl stared at Ellen, with a dumb, pained expression. Ellen took a deep breath, started a new page. “What did you do?” She asked softly.

The girl continued, stuttering as she went. She was out of breath, gasping in between words. She was like fish torn from the ocean. Choking on the air she used to speak. “I slammed the door shut. I heard this scuttering, or like a slithering, or something. I- I don’t know. Then it started pounding on the door. Scratching, and slamming itself into it. Antonio and Claire helped me hold it. Jordan just stood there. It got it’s head in and- and- Oh god. There was this claw, or tendril, or scorpion tail, or something, that stabbed Claire’s ankle. She- she just fucking screamed, and screamed and Antonio just kicked it until it was gone, and we slammed the door shut... Then it stopped. It just stopped. It was so fucking quiet. Antonio and I barred the door. Claire couldn’t stand. Her ankle was covered in blood, and there was this slime stuff, this black ooze that was leaking out of her leg, and I don’t know, but I swear there was something moving underneath.” Ellen let her breathe for a moment, scribbling down as many notes as she could. “Antonio tried to help. He made this tourniquet with some tape from a box, and kissed her. I tried to make a joke, but no one laughed.”

“What happened to Claire?”

“I don’t know.” The girl stopped, and for awhile, all that could be heard was the water outside, and the sighing of the rescue ship as it rocked with the waves.

“What happened?” Ellen asked.

The girl started again, hesitantly. “Antonio was besides her near the wall, his back was towards the fan. Then the fan stopped. We could hear this pounding, or rattling or like something was sliding through the pipes. Then these- these tentacles, or tendrils or- oh god, I don’t know. It just came out of the fan, like an explosion. Antonio screamed. It was inside his back, literally inside, and they just pulled, and pulled. I tried to grab on to him and pull back. Jordan just watched. Antonio was screaming. Screaming, and screaming and- I’m sorry.”

Ellen offered a tissue. “Take your time. I know this must be hard.” She said, trying to remain stoic and professional, but something still urked her. She wanted to believe this girl, but the story was just too wrong.

“Sorry.” Said the girl, after blowing her nose.

“What happened to Antonio?”

“There was this sound. Like, like a snapping. Part of it was him, I think, but part of it was the fan in the duct breaking too. The sound he made-” She wheezed. “Like the air was being forced out of his lungs. All that was left was blood, and skin stuck to the metal. “

Ellen tried to reach out across the table to comfort the girl. “I’m sorry.”

The girl shied away, continuing in a near whisper. “Claire was crying, and Jordan was just standing there… My grandfather fought in the war. Sometimes when he remembered too much, he would just stare off into space. My mother used to tell me that sometimes people see too much, they forget how to be sad. That’s what it was. He had forgotten how to be sad.” She recounted, as if from a script. “I knew we had to leave, so I started moving the barricade. I was panicking. Claire started making this sound. I didn’t know how to describe it. When I looked she was shaking. Convulsing. And her skin- there was something under it. Lots of things, just moving, and crawling up her legs- like- like tiny little mole crabs moving under her skin, and they burrowed. They just ate into her body. She was trying to say something, but all that was coming out was sobs.”

Ellen didn’t know how to react. Nothing about the story made sense to her. She would have discounted it entirely had she not been hearing it recounted so vividly. “So what did you do?” She finally uttered.

“We left her behind.” The girl replied. “I grabbed Jordan and we just- we just ran. We left the freezer, and ran down the hall. I could hear it behind us, It was skittering, and sliding, and the smell.” She recounted, wrinkling her nose at the mere thought. “It smelled so bad.”

“How did you escape?” Ellen pressed, dread working its way down her spine like a poison.

“I ran faster than Jordan.” Continued the girl. “I was at the stairs, and he yelled. It was- it was surreal. Have you ever heard a grown man cry?” She asked Ellen with a piercing stare. “Like really cry? He begged. Begged for help. Said he didn’t want to be an egg sack like what it did to Curtis, or living food like Claire, or- or- He just kept going. Screaming at me even while those tentacles, or claws, or stingers were pumping him full- full of something. He was shaking and trying to fight, and there were these blobs, these cysts or something just forming all over his body, and they got so big, that he couldn’t move, but he didn’t stop screaming. And- and you know I couldn’t help. I couldn’t, I swear. There was nothing I could do.” She stammered. “So I just ran. I got into a lifeboat and left.”

The ship rocked uneasily. Ellen had stopped writing notes. “Is that when we found you?”

“Yes.” Answered the girl. “It was out there though. I could see it in the water. When the moon was right, I could still see it there, I swear. The orb, the eye. It was watching me. Stalking.” There was a palpable silence after those words. Even the yellow water dripping from the ceiling sounded dim. Then the silence was shattered by a loud slap, and creak, echoing across the whole ship, followed by the thick smell of rotting fish.

“What was that?” piped Ellen.

“It’s here.”

Nukes hit Mars. They fire back.

Hired the wrong clown. Birthday massacre.

She was here. Then I awoke.

"He'll be alright." The doctor lied.

Died on bench. No one knew.

That last cigarette gave him cancer.

If only the antidepressants weren't placebos.

I shouldn't have touched that bear.

Dad didn't come to our wedding.

"Faster." He whispered to his pillow.

White court deemed excessive force justified.

We fake love for our son.

"Welcome to McDonald's." Said the 'actress'.

"I'm fine!"

no.

"Thanks for asking."

i feel guilty for existing.

"Things are going really well."

i should be happy but i'm not.

"I haven't seen you for awhile, I've been really busy."

i dont want you to see me this way.

"Well, busy procrastinating."

i havent been able to do the things expected of me.

"You know the feeling? At least the weather has been nice."

i called a prevention lifeline three times last night.

"Just the other day I saw a great blue heron fly over head."

i hung up before anyone answered.

"And the leaves are growing on the tree's too! Spring is here!"

im afraid if i tell you ill become a burden.

"I mean last night it didn't get dark until at least eight o'clock."

or that ill come off as melodramatic.

"And have you heard the frogs at night? I swear it's like a tiny opera."

i really need help but i dont know how to ask.

"I could do with less mud though."

i dont want to hurt anymore.

"Anyway, how are you?"

im not okay.

Hi God! I heard in church today that you make miracles happen, and know the answers to everything! I asked my mommy how to talk to you, and she said just pray. Please let me be an astronaut when I grow up, and convince mom to buy me a dog. No- A puppy. A puppy that'll be a puppy forever that'll never get too big! And thank you for ice cream. Amen.

God, Dad told me that there are people who weren't good enough for heaven and are waiting in purgatory for someone to pray for them. I pray that everyone in purgatory turns into a good person, and gets to go to heaven. Thank you! Amen.

Hello God. My friend told me that you don't exist. I told him he was dumb, and that you do. Please forgive him, and let him into heaven anyway. He is a nice person, and he's really good at Pokemon. Amen.

Umm, hi God. I want to say sorry for kissing another girl today. I was dared to do it, but I really didn't want to. Is it wrong to have liked it? I know you said it's wrong, and that only bad people are gay, but I don't feel like a bad person. Please forgive me. Amen.

God, I have a boyfriend now, and I really do like him. We might get married someday. I still kind of like girls too though. Am I going to hell if I like boys and girls? Amen.

Hey again God. We were talking about World War II in school today. Why did you let so many people die? Is it because they were Jews? I know lots of jewish kids, and they're all really nice. I even went to Steven's Bar Mitzvah, and it sounds like they worship you too. I don't understand. Please answer me. Amen.

My boyfriend broke up with me, and I'm feeling really alone, and hurt. I don't know who to talk to. I thought things were going well, but he just turned around and broke my heart. Please comfort me. Amen.

Someone came to school today to talk about sex. It looks really scary, and they told me I could get diseases from it. Why did you have to make sex so scary? Please let me understand. Amen.

I told my mom and dad that I sometimes like girls too, and they freaked out. I'm really, really sorry. They told me it was wrong, and that I should talk to you about it. I promise I'll never kiss another girl ever again. Please fix me. Amen.

Hey, God, it's been awhile. I know I've stopped going to church, and I'm sorry about that. Nana is really sick, and I'm really afraid for her. I really love her, and I want her to see my concert at school. She's always prayed to you, and she's been there for me whenever I needed it. If you save her I promise I won't sin ever again. Please heal her. Amen.

I know I'm not supposed be angry with you, but fuck you God. They said at Nana's funeral that you will love and watch over her. If that were true though then why did you let her get sick? She wasn't that old, and she should have lived longer. I don't know if you're even listening anymore, but if you are, then for the love of- for the love of you, please let her into heaven. She deserves at least that much. Amen.

God, if you're out there somewhere I hope you're listening. If not, then I guess I'm just talking to myself again. It's been a rough freshman year of college, but I guess it's a little better with Jess. I guess I broke my promise, because we've been kissing, and then some. I hope all is well with you up there because things are just peachy in this shit-show of a world you created. Please let mom and dad be cool with Jess. Amen.

I just want to let you know that Jess and I are eloping. We're getting married in Massachusetts in the spring. Mom and dad won't be there. I know you're normally not to keen on these types of weddings, but please let us love each other through sickness and through health, and all of that. Amen.

Well it took a donor and nine months, but Jess just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I know it's impossible, but somehow, I think he has my eyes. We're naming him Joseph, after Jess' dad, and another father I know. It's been a long time since I've prayed to you, let alone thanked you, so I might be a little rusty at it, but here goes. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for this day, my son, my amazing wife, and for the miracles of modern science. Please watch over him and keep him strong. Amen.

I still don't know if you're out there, but if you are, I want to say thank you for letting the rain hold out on us for Josephs fifth birthday, and thanks for letting me talk Jess out of hiring a clown. I just spoke to mom for the first time since college. She still hate's Jess, but at least we're talking. Please let that continue. Amen.

Oh God. Oh God. I know I've asked for a lot in my life. Probably more than anyone should, but please, just give me this one. I just want one miracle. Joseph is sick. We thought it was just the flu, but he woke us up tonight with his coughing, and he couldn't breathe. We're taking him to the ER now. He's so cold. Please let him live. Please. Amen.

Why God? Why would you let him die? He meant the world to me. Jess won't say a word. You won't either. All I want is a sign. Just a word. Something to tell me that you aren't dead too. Something to let me know things will all work out somehow. That you have a plan, and that taking Joesph from me was some how part of that. Just a sign. Please God. Please.

Corse, cold feet sent her twirling round the pyre,

In the past she called herself dirty, deceiver, liar,

But now a new voice sang around that sacred fire,

She let go of old doubts,

She could finally unfetter.

Others had been cast out, beaten, broken,

Painful jabs coming from outside and in,

Thousands of voices telling her who she had been,

But she knows who she is,

So why are they bitter?

In rapturous ceremony she did anoint,

To cast off old skin from hip, head, to joint,

She gained new form, though that wasn't the point.

It’s all in the heart,

Not the shape of someones letter.

Like a phoenix reborn she prepared to take flight,

But just before the leap she awakes in the night,

To sing a requiem to Leelah until morning’s light,

Because someone out there,

Hopes it gets better.

T.S Eliot was right. The world didn't go out with a bang. It was a slow and painful process that took years of calculated ignorance. The fight to destroy the earth was hard won, but in the end the greed of mankind prevailed. By the time most of us realized what we had done, it was too late. We had dug our own grave, and somehow succeeded in nailing the coffin shut too. Some cities flooded while others burned. Life disappeared in record numbers. America's amber fields of grain turned to vast swathes of dust, purple mountain majesties became rocky grey out croppings, our fruited plains now blasted heath. Humanity had successfully killed Mother Earth. It was a murder suicide.

No one can point to an exact date. Some people say it really started when the Californian watersheds dried up, or when Cape Cod was covered entirely with water. I happen to believe it started from the very second we choose profit over providence. It was the developing nations that felt it first. Drought and hunger struck hard in communities across central Africa, and southern Asia. Several small wars broke out. To us in what was the United States, it seemed so far away, and so useless to worry about. We called it a tragedy, and donated a few dollars to relief funds here and there, but did nothing to stop it. Then it started happening here.

Our crops stopped growing, so we tried to modify our foods. Genetically engineering them to grow in the new climate of the world. It worked for a time, but eventually we realized that patching a boat that has split in two will not keep it afloat. Health problems started appearing here and there. Apparently jamming soy and catfish DNA together isn't very good for you. It was just as well though, even the hardiest of artificial plants can't survive winters like ice ages, and summers as sweltering as the surface of the sun. Our population fell with our food supplies. Communities turned on each other, and our society broke down. After a few short years, transnational contact was lost. After a few more years, our cities became ghost towns. Life is strong though. Pockets of humanity still exist here and there, trying to get by on whatever crumbs that the old world left behind. It is a pointless endeavor though. Our pride has already torn us down, and all we can do now is whimper out of existence.

There was a challenge floating around to make yourself cry in one word. My word is this;

"5ever"

Now this stupid corruption of 'forever' probably brings a few other people to tears for it's sheer ridiculousness. For me this word stings for a different reason, and requires some explanation.

I went to a tiny school for students who didn't exactly fit into the public school mold. We were smart, but everyone had some sort of learning difference. From anything from ADHD, to Aspergers, we had it all. These differences were manageable though. We were first and foremost a school that dealt with learning problems, and not behavioral problems. There was a lot of awkwardness, and strangeness abound, but we were a tight community. The school had fifty something students, grades six through twelve. Instead of by age, students were divided into groups based on emotional, and educational maturity. That meant that it was very likely that there could be as much as a three year age difference between some students in the group.

I started attending this school in sixth grade, and in the seven years I attended that school, I met more bright, and incredibly creative people than most people get to meet in a lifetime. Among those people is someone who I will, for the sake of anonymity, call Mary. Mary was always a deeply creative, and clever person. She was prone to contemplation, and had a soft spot for heavy metal. She volunteered at the aquarium, and had stories of how the octopus would try and escape, or how the penguins were jerks. She was the kind of person who literally tricked her parents into taking her on a trip to Brazil on an expedition into the amazon. She had told me she wanted to be a marine biologist someday.

Mary was the person who I would distract in math class, with plans of modifying t-shirts into beautiful dresses. She was the person I used to argue with about her Dungeons and Dragons racism. She was the kind of person who I didn't talk to much, but when I did, it was always about something interesting. Like life, death, and the nature of marijuana. In my junior year we were part of the same group. I had stumbled upon this now infamous copypasta that had been floating around the internet for awhile now:

"A gurl was walkin2 skewl wit her bf n they were crossin da rode.

she sed "bbz will u luv me 4evr"

he said "NO..""

da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine.

boy was cryin and went to pic up her body.

she was ded.

he whispered 2 her corpse "I ment 2 sey i will luv u FIVE-ever..." (dat mean he luv her moar den 4evr)

xxx~*...LIKE DIS IF U CRY EVRY TIME...~*xxx"

She found this absolutely hilarious. Whenever I would see her she would grin at me and just say "5ever" and I would know exactly what she was talking about. This stupid, jumbled mess of a story had, in my mind, become intrinsically linked with her giggle. Whenever I think of this meme, I think of Mary.

Last winter, Mary took her own life. She was seventeen.

I don't know the details. I didn't want to know. It was hard. We were part of such a small community Losing someone we all cared about so deeply was crushing. It didn't feel real. It still doesn't. In my mind we are both still in high school, talking about about drugs, t-shirts, and the universe. But we're not. I've moved on, and she didn't. Through sheer cosmic irony I do "cry evry time". I think of her laughing, and then I start laughing, and then I remember that she's not here.

And I cry.

Sometimes I still dream of Mary. I'll dream that she's alive, and her funeral was just an accident, and things will go back to how they were. Then I wake up. In one of our longer conversations I told her that I liked to think that people who are friends in one life, tend to be friends in their next. I don't know if I actually believe that, but I like to think that it's true. I hope that one day, somehow, I will see her again. It might not be in this lifetime, or the next, but one day I hope we get the chance to make that t-shirt dress together. Whatever happens, Mary will occupy a very special corner of my heart, and I will miss her 5ever.