It is said that every person comes into our lives for a specific reason, that each person who stumbles across our path is introduced to our routine with an exceptional purpose to serve, or a lesson to exemplify. I have yet to pinpoint your exact purpose to my existence.

While loving you, I lost myself. I sought out rebellion in hopes of impressing you; even when we weren't speaking, I desperately wanted your approval and went about it through clouded, bloodshot eyes and stained breath. I became an addict for destructive behavior because of you. I craved the exhaustion I attained from being attached to my phone until 3 a.m. when I was to be awake three hours later the same day. I now know I wasn't the only one illuminating your phone screen at 4 a.m. Why wasn't I the only one?

I have a difficult time accepting that I really was nothing to you. My ego refuses to believe this because of everything you told me, and how many times you assured me that I was "one of the few people that knew." I wanted to believe that I could save you from your self-ruining, and that if I did that, maybe you'd save me, too.

The only time we talk now is when you're drunk, or high, or want a different girl to talk to at 2 in the morning when the person lying next to you isn't enough. I'm okay that we don't speak, really. Actually, its preferred in my mind if we don't speak - I'm content leaving you behind as a silly part of my teenage years. Will I miss you? Absolutely. Do I still love you? I'm sure part of me will always love you, but I can no longer allow you to control me like this.

I miss who I was before I loved you. I miss who I was before I made excuses for the way you treated me, and I miss who I was before I relinquished control to you.

Enough is enough. Maybe this is the reason we crossed paths. After all, learning sooner rather than later is generally preferred, so thank you for providing me this experience. Never again will I allow an "almost" become my everything, when he's screaming that I am his nothing."