You may see scars on my forehead, or on my knees and elbows, but those eventually disappear. They stung for a while and then sank away into jagged lines, which healed to mere reminders of adventure.

When I scrape my knee on rough concrete, you can put a band-aid and kiss on the torn skin and send me on my way. Can you kiss a broken heart? Fix the thoughts that everyone has put in my head since I was little? Ugly, weird, awkward. Her chest is too small, her nose is too big, her red hair frizzes all over the place and it sheds! You can't put a band-aid on the hours I have spent in front of the mirror, scrutinizing every aspect of my existance with a glare and squinted eyes until I fade into the bathroom tile. You can't heal a life of being called names - Jew, witch, ugly bitch- and you sure as hell can never forget how red your face gets when someone asks questions. (Are you anorexic? Why are you so skinny? Why is your nose so big? Why are you so ugly?) They love to ask questions, but when I turn to them, spitting venom in retaliation, they cower and I feel like the monster.

These wounds don't heal. They don't go away. Your apologies mean nothing to the girl who has saved pennies in her piggy bank so she can afford breast implants and a smaller nose. She has wished for nights in which she falls asleep and wakes up someone else, because you can't accept that she can't change the way she is. She used to feel beautiful. But these wounds don't heal; they don't fade away. They stay in my mind until nightfall, where they make their return and I scurry to the bathroom, armed and ready with a new battalion of insults that I have collected from the school hallways. I used to feel beautiful.

These are the scars you cannot see. These are the scars I cannot heal.

She was covered in scars

and my skin was bare,

She was a weight

that I agreed to bear.

She swallowed pills,

Cut up her thighs,

Desperate to feel better,

Seeking out highs.

I was the stupid one,

I "needed the fix"

She built a wall between us,

But I was holding the bricks,

Everytime she cried

I broke

The wall down to offer my shoulder,

But still the wall could not be battled

She wouldn't let me hold her.

Eventually we fell apart,

Her happiness meant more

Than anything we ever had,

I let her close the door.

But as it closed it cut my skin

And the blood made it all real,

Cause I was numb before you came,

And now I can't help but feel.