No more Mondays
I can imagine a world without Mondays
we still wouldn't be happy
Tuesday will become the new Monday and
instead of listening to Maniac Monday by the Bangles
Traumatic Tuesday would play through the the speakers
No pain for 1 week?
Does that include this heartache I feel in my chest?
Will my heart not feel likes it's breaking for a whole week.
I would love for this depression to go away even if its just for a little while.
I would be able to focus on what needs to be done.
With no pain I wouldn't get into fights with my older brother on a daily routine.
I wouldn't need to.
When it comes to the physical aspect of pain
I would get the tattoos I have been too afraid to get and the few piercing I want too
I would run as much as I can as the ache in my knees will be gone
and my chest won't ache, my muscles won't cramp up forcing me to stop.
I would run everyday of the week because thats is truly the only time I feel free
but my body holds me back from achieving that.
There is a crack, a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in
The Anthem by Leonard Cohen.
This probably isn't my favorite song lyric
but its the one that always pops into my mind
when this question is asked
and the one that speaks to me the most.
Who am I?
I do not know who I am.
I am always changing and I can not keep up anymore.
I am lost in a sea of people that I can not see.
I am always lost in my own mind.
I try not to panic but anxiety always takes over my body.
I am nobody.
With every step I take I feel the stairs shift
I begin to slip and slid back down them
It begins harder and harder to attempt to walk up them
My legs begin to feel heavy and they its like my feet are nailed to floor
I reach for the rail for some support but its not there anymore
And the stairs are now just a slope, kinda like a giant slide
I lift my foot up again and at this point every time
I wake up in a cold sweat
Five at a time
I tap my right foot to the rhythm of my heartbeat. Five at a time
When it comes to love you have to be patient
But you should expect it to find you in the strangest of places
The dead walk out of the sea in the middle of December. Skin hanging from their muscles like drapes. Muscles slowly deterating. They barely walk at all as if they are frozen by the winters air. A young couple watches from the balcany of an abandoned beachhouse. She turns to him and says "this isn't working they show be moving faster than this" he replies with a sick smirk on his face "I know I thought I would give you a head start" "Danny what the fuck?" she gasps "every hour you waste they get faster" he says looking ahead "they will find you. They are on every beach in the world" "Why" she asks as she grabs her bag "It doesn't matter. Oh yeah and by the way only you can see them"
One two this I will get through
Three four cutting to the core
Five six I just need this fix
Seven eight I'm in the middle of the interstate
Nine ten lets do this again and again
Dear Danielle Marie
I first met you when I was in the 7th grade and the crush was instantaneous. I never told you that I liked you. You were one of my best friends until the 9th grade I will never forget the day you broke my heart it was something so stupid and I won't get into that right now. The end of freshmen year you broke my heart again when I watched you cry because your girlfriend had just broken up with you, you wore sunglasses most of that day. You couldn't understand why she did what she did. That was the last time I ever saw you. The next time I heard someone speak your name I was 18 and sitting in Ms. Moore's senior english class. It was May 5th 2010. They were gossiping about the girl who killed herself but it turned out you overdosed on cough medicine on fucking cough medicine. They said you were trying to get high but I remembered something you said about not liking the high you got from that stuff. Honestly you dying didn't change me as a person much but it changed the way I think and I am certainly more careful when it comes to medication. I thought about you for the first time in a long time 7 months ago. The day I met my girlfriend and future wife because she has a 12 year old daughter named Danielle Marie. It would have been freaky if she had your last name too -Amber Rhianon