is this love?
is this love?
i ask myself,
as your coarse and calloused hands
spread open my bronze thighs
fingertips dancing
the waltz
up along my skin
is this love?
i ask myself,
rough kisses pelted
along my throat
love bites
decorating my body
moans and the repetition of
"oh fuck"
and
"you're so tight"
rumbling in my ears
is this love?
i ask myself,
the only sound
resonating within the room:
skin slapping against skin
and heavy grunts
a rhythm of
in and out
in and out
in and out
is this love?
i ask myself,
tears that leaked
from your fucking beautiful
crystalline blue eyes
traced along irritated
fresh cuts that appear
as if they have been painted
on my thighs and torso
is this love?
i ask myself,
maybe.
drowning
insecurity
festering beneath
blemished skin
comparable to
salt water
overflowing
my nostrils
and eyelids
attempting
to swim
in this bottomless
chasm
labeled
"disappointment"
a word
I've never grown
accustomed to
even though
she tore
my eardrums
apart
with her
repetitive usage
a word
I've never grown
accustomed to
even though
he spat it down
my throat
as his fingertips
scorched my cheeks
a word
I've never grown
accustomed to
even though
I've carved it
into my bones
carrying it
everywhere
I go
a simple
reminder
I've ceased my
futile attempts
at breathing
the ocean
begins gushing into
my scars
failure weighing
my body down
to the sea floor
ready to drown
death comes in all shapes and sizes
and I'm sorry mom
I'm really really sorry
the clouds are mourning us
and the rain doesn't feel the same anymore.
the house is destructive;
anxiety slicing into the room
like a razor blade kissing skin.
life really isn't fair,
and my prayers always start with,
"Why?"
and the tears have become a necessity,
without them,
something is wrong,
and I'm sorry mom
I'm really really sorry.
The Gift
Cocking his head to one side, he observed her sluggish and weary movements. Bruises piled up on her arms and thighs, a purple and blue blanket over her ivory skin. Groans tumbled from her dry lips, echoing and ricocheting along the walls. The noises vacating her mouth were unpleasant, like nails against a chalkboard, but each time she writhed in pain, a euphoric sensation surged through his blood.
Amusement vibrated within his bones as he gleefully watched her struggle against the chains.
Taking steady, calculated steps towards her, he delicately ran his fingernails along the rusted chains. A sob ripped through the back of her throat as he repeated this motion over and over.
"P-please..." Broken stuttering poured out from her bloodied lips. "W-why.. are you..." Her words were suddenly cut short, as she began to vomit blood.
His hazel eyes darted down to the tiled floor, a vibrant red covering up any nearby white slates. Upper lip curling, he turned away, deliberately yanking on the chains as he moved. In between spurts of blood dripping from her mouth, her high-pitched weeping flooded away any other noise in the room.
"Christ!" The man finally spoke, animosity and irritation thundering in his tone. "Not even for one second– one fucking second, you can't shut your whore mouth?"
A small whimper resonated from her side of the room, but all crying had ceased.
Her mouth was shut, but blood began to gurgle from the corner of her lips, dribbling down her pallid cheeks.
"Much better." He gravelly muttered, gazing at her through shrewd and critical eyes.
Crouching down onto the heals of his shoes while still grasping onto the chains, he yanked her towards him with all of his force.
Anguished screeching tore through the rooms silence as her body was flung towards him.
"What the fuck did I say, you fucking slut?" The man roared, taking a fistful of her matted hair. "If you don't keep your pretty little mouth shut, I'll slit your throat and leave you to bleed." Digging into his coat pocket, he pulled out a dirty dagger, waving it before her widened eyes. "Don't fucking doubt me, bitch."
Continuing to keep a grip on her greasy hair, he tugged her even closer, until her eyes were directly aligned with his. Tears glistened over her amber irises, and a mixture of sweat and blood trickled down her forehead. As he absorbed all of her physical traits, a faint smile began to cross over his lips.
"I would be doing the world a justice, killing someone as ugly as you."
Silence bled through the walls as they stared at each other.
He continued, "'Cause, you know, life and death just repeat, over and over and over. You're ugly in this life and a hot piece of ass in the next. You should be thanking me for this opportunity I'm giving you."
The man paused, taking in all of her details again. Blood had stopped oozing from her lips, but the burgundy color had stained most of her face and clothes. Her eyes were dry now, irises full of anticipation.
"Why?" The one word eased smoothly from her lips, no hesitation underneath her inquiring tone. Anger flowed throughout his being at the sound of her voice, but answered her anyways.
Still grasping onto the dagger, he slid it straight across her neck. "Death is a gift to those plagued by life."
I grew up with a boy named Alyx
I grew up with a boy named Alyx
whose eyes were tinged
with copper and hazel hues
and lips painted upwards
in constant limbo between
a smirk and a smile
overbearingly smug
acting as if he always
knew more than me
I grew up with a boy named Alyx
whose words
severed any hospitality
between us
continuous quarrels and
disagreements
over trivial concerns
arrogant and pompous
when it came to his opinion
I grew up with a boy named Alyx
whose tears etched
across my bones
engraving all of his secrets
into the veins that
coursed through my limbs
a silent agreement
between us
formed that night
I grew up with a boy named Alyx
whose fingertips
plucked a perfect tune
every time we came in
contact with each other
his smirk trailed along my ribcage
like a butterfly's touch
lust and hatred
the only concepts we knew
I grew up with a boy named Alyx
whose laughter
left a bruise on my hips
an ache vibrating
in my chest
every time
his name was uttered
he left a cum stain
on my heart
she was my dream girl
her lips tasted like coconut
sickly sweet
yet
I couldn't bring myself
to pull away
and
my hands rippled down her hips
fingertips gliding across her skin
like ocean waves
drifting along lazily
I wanted to memorize
every sensation
every thought
every detail
the way she looked with the light coating her golden eyes
as she lifted her hand to
stroke my cheek
how she arched her back
just the way I liked it
as she moved away from me
a coy smirk
painted across her mouth
I dug my nails into her curves
not able to handle
the possibility of stopping
biting down on her lower lip
causing it to bleed
but I knew she didn't mind
she leaned in cautiously
like a lioness hunting her prey
the same smirk on her lips
inching closer to me
so fucking close
I felt as if we melted together
and suddenly
I woke up