Trapped, crippled by demons to complete the sentence. I lay away to rot as they beat me with every negative thought I have ever had. Their cruel words slither out from their mouths, choking me with every ounce of hate they can muster. Echoing all around me relentlessly, “You are NEVER going to be enough. They NEVER loved you. You DON’T even love yourself. You are NEVER going to be loved. They ALL lied. You ONLY bother people. You DID it to yourself. It is YOUR fault they left. No one REALLY cares about you. You are TOXIC. You ARE weak. You ARE ugly. You ARE fat. You ARE stupid. You ARE worthless. Did you HEAR ME?! YOU. ARE. FUCKEN. WORTHLESS!” I want to sob. Sob until my chest aches, until I gasp breath, until the world around me is blurry. My cheeks remain dry. I don’t have much left anymore. Everyday I am carved out, left with only the evil and the corrupt to run rampant from within. Numbed inside and out.

There is a lot going on inside my head, most of which is not positive. It

almost feels like I was swimming in the ocean. I lost my balance. Now, I am being slammed wave, after wave, after wave. Everything is clouded around me. All I can focus on is the next one approaching. I don’t know when or how hard, but I can feel it's not too far along. Even if there is time to escape this overwhelming torture I can’t. I am paralyzed. Held down by the darkness that lurks from within my own head. I can’t breathe. It feels as though someone is constantly sitting on my chest for I only gasp for air. I can’t feel. The numbness spreads through me as if it was a wildfire damning a forest to its knees. Slowly, then all at once. It gives me the sensation of being exiled to an eternal winter as the ice freezes me to the earth below. The demons rather pleased, frolic through the heavy snows and wiping winds as if it didn’t even exist. Their faces painted with thick grins of satisfaction as if they were Wonderland’s Cheshire cat. Shackled, bound hand and foot to further endure this, this agony. As if the seventeen years wasn’t enough already. My mind is bombarded with the instinct to scream. Scream to be let out of this unbearable hell. Scream to be unshackled and brought back to the surface. Scream because the faint view of the sky brands my heart with desire. Yet no one can hear me from beneath the waves. Beneath the pit demons have been digging for years. The breaking waves swallow my pleas, drowning me further. Though, some people hear the faint cries every once in a while, but merely write it off as a seagull calling out for its next meal. Their turned backs no longer come as a surprise.

I have parts of my life I do not like to think about. Regularly I suppress the dark memories that lurk within my brain. Time after time my past sweeps my legs out from under me. My body goes limp as I hit the ground. Within seconds my body is overwhelmed with thick dark roots covered in flesh piercing thorns. Every moment, without hesitation the roots rip tighter into my body. A thick, heaviness inflates my lungs. “Scream,” I think. “Someone will hear us crying out. Someone will see the pain swarming in my eyes. Just one person…” No one comes. No one listens. No one looks me in the eyes. Afraid that if they looked deep enough they would see every once of pain my body endures every day. So, everyone just walks around me. Carrying on with their lives. Acting as though they cannot see or recognize the pain within me. As though I never existed.

The self destructive clouds rumble. When lightning strikes all hell breaks loose. It is coming and I cannot stop it. It rips through my core, breaking down all of my defenses, killing everything without mercy. Empty. All of the darkest parts of me start to spread like wildfire. There is no cure, no aid, no assistance. Just pain, suffering and sorrow. Self hatred carves out my body, leaving an empty shell. Long ago I lost the innocent child I was. She is gone, buried in all of the selfishness in people’s words and burdened by suffocation. Suffocation I only carry for myself. Crushed by the cruelty of the world around her and the hate within. Constantly taking a shovel, I search. I search for her. Relentlessly, the demons wreak havoc in my brain, pulling me back to reality. She cannot be brought back. I lost her the day I shook hands with my tormentors.

Each day is a battle and most days I lose...

No longer am I a child. No longer innocent, and ignorant. By definition I am a teenager. Submerged in a life that I do not want. The bitterness of my demons is spreading like poison. It has been killing me everyday for as long as I have been alive. Sixteen years. People’s hatred, bitterness, and selfishness broke me. Broken into millions, and each day I lose hundreds of them at a time. People cannot see that I am constantly chipped, crumbling to dust, yet I do not want them to. Many, many people would say to me, “Stop being an attention seeker,” “Stop it! You always act like the victim,” “You, just shut up! No one cares,” “Stop being so emotional!” “I wish you weren’t so sad all the time…” “Yeah...me too…” That has only ever been my response.

Lost. Broken. Trapped. I am just me. Just trying to get through the day. Just trying to survive the week. Just trying to live the month. Most days my body is so weak from exhaustion that I do not feel like getting out of bed. “How are you feeling?” “Tired…” The amount of times I have said that word is a lot more than I would like. Overrun with sadness, focusing has become a challenge. There is no escape. From the torment at my own home to the overwhelming workload at school. It controls my life, like a dog bound at the neck with a collar. To bend at the will of its master, for it not having a choice but to fall to its knees. No longer is there a space for fresh air and a calm state of mind. It simply does not exist.

Currently there is a lot going on in my life. I have problems, but I know I am not the only one. It just adds to my load. Most days, it feels as though I am standing on a rope with weights and a sandbag hung over my shoulders. Tilt a little too far one way or the other and I fall into the depths. I cannot control when it happens or the period of time it takes to get through it. It just seems endless.

How many weeks has it been? Five, seven, eighteen? Everything is blended together. The forest looms over me, stalking me through the twilight. This game.. Though it’s only a game to them. The grass sways between my legs as I walk, the wind calling out as though a lover returning home. The wind brings along a familiar scent. No, no no. How? It hasn't been too long has it? My feet patting against the soft earth couldn’t drown him out from thundering not too far behind me. I reach the edge with a staggered halt. There’s two options. Only one ending with it being my own choice. “DON’T YOU DARE BITCH!” He calls after me. I turn to see he’s a couple feet away now. Plummeting I wait for the sweet release, yet nothing comes. Rising to the surface I look up to find those eyes looking down on me. Sloshing through the ridged water, I refrain from looking back. “YOU’RE DEAD! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU’RE GOING TO WISH YOU DROWNED!” He shouts from the cliffs above. Never ceasing in pace, I reached the shore line after what felt like an eternity. I should keep moving, but my legs must be full of cement, for they refused to budge. Laying on the sand I watch the clouds dance within the sky. Never bound by masters, pain or punishment. Forever they remain free. Envy takes control of my eyes and fists. Not being able to bear it longer, I regain some strength to flee. The question remains, where do I go now?

Flash Back

Speed never fails to call my name, beckoning me to reach higher depths. Though my other companions have some concerns. “Is that why you like riding your motorcycle so much?” “Yes,” I respond, “To me, that's what freedom feels like. Fast, thrilling and makes you blind to the world around me. More or less just bliss.” I answer. “You’re crazy,” they retort, “Yeah, you’re going to get yourself killed one of these days.” The other chimes in. “Well, I'd rather die living my life to the fullest, doing what makes me happy. Plus we can’t all live forever.” I snap back. Laughing erupts among our group. “Nope. Not me, I’m going to live forever!” “Oh yeah?” I ask, teasing a smile. “Mhmm for sure. I will be immortal and rub it in all of your faces.” They say with shining eyes. “Well I hope you’re not bothered by bones because that is the only thing that will be left of us.” More laughing ensues. They’re ridiculous.

Why did that memory have to come to light now? Following the water my feet continue to leave small imprints on the sand. Occasionally the faint shouting rings out through the trees, startling me, with no other options I continue. The sun sets low, bringing out their lover, the moon. Only tonight she is in her full glory for the world to see, being envied by the stars dancing alongside her. Reaching the edge of the water bank my descent begins into what lurks below the hillside. With nothing but my shorts and t-shift the realization begins to set in. Shit. Stealth is my only way through this alive. Ever so slightly I take a look at my surroundings, only ensuring I cannot see the light from those disgusting ravenous men.

The sun peaks out from beneath the skyline to wish adieu to their lover once again in their never ending cycle. Welcoming the light from above the world around be stirs. "WE HAVE TO BE CLOSE!" "YEAH WE DIDN'T STOP ALL NIGHT, SHE COULDN'T HAVE GONE THAT FAR." They call between their hunting party as they make their way through the trees. Pinned at the base of some brush under a fallen tree, I brace for their shrieks and cries finding their sacred prize. Though after being with them for so long, I doubt that is a description that defines me anymore. Still nothing comes, without a breath I scurry deeper within the brush. Shouts fade into the distance which seems to be east of here, hopefully. The wind picks up almost as if it wanted to carry me away, far up into the clouds. Pushing the ifs deep within the recesses of my brain I forces myself from the embrace of the foliage and due west.

Flash Back

The greasy balding meatball of a man ushers me forward. "Now up you go, and if you try to run or fight us again, you are going to be punished far worse than the last time, you hear." He hotly huffs into my ear. With a slight nod, he takes me to the stage on the left where the smell of cigars and whiskey slither through the curtains. "Up you go now. Remember my warnin' child." He coos as he opens the curtains. Following the sickly faded markers I end up at the end of the stairs. "Wait there for fifteen seconds, then head on up. Make sure you pause, ya hear? They don't want to have show overlapping." His words echo through my skull, leaving my ears ringing. One foot right after the other I stand tall and walk onto the blindingly bright stage. "And here we have gentlemen, one of our newest pieces of our collection. Almost right out of her mothers womb, untouched and as pure as they come." The announcer directs me to a spot on stage for all to see. Looking out most of them wore suits and wore painted faces of excitement. Only one who wore a mask. His emotion was unrecognizable, which lead my fear to worsen. "SPIN FOR US SWEET HEART!" One shouted, laughing erupted. "STRIP, WE WANT A TASTE OF THE MERCHANDISE!" Another beckoned. The announcer with no remorse held out his hand to take the little clothing I had left. Begrudgingly I slid off everything but my heels. With a plastered smile and a full hand he backed away. I spun softly on the ball of my foot, holding every last tear back. Hoots and hollers never stopped as the announcer began the auction. I have never seen so many grown men move so fast other than to eat their weight in food. With one final swish, the bidding ended. Thirteen point seven million rang out on the projector. "With that gentlemen out closing piece has been sold, which means its the ending of the evening. Those who have auctioned pieces, please enter the lounge to the right and those who have not, please head to the exit on your left. Thank you and good night." The announcer's closing speech echoed in the background as I entered the next part of the building. Guards ushered me into a small room to put on what little clothes I was allowed and I was instructed to wait on the chair in the corner. After what seemed as though a lifetime had passed the door opened, wafting in a stench I will never forget due to it's odor being scorched into my nose. He stood before me, my new owner.

Grass lapping at my heels made me yearn for summers at my grandparents house. Running through the fields, picking flowers, being scolded for staying out past dusk. With a sad heaviness, reality was not my friend. Rushing water chirped through the sway of the trees. Edging forward, though my feet bare no desire to, I meet the water as an old friend. Daring me to enter, forever leaving this pain behind. No, I can't. Everyone must be waiting for me to come back home, I can't leave this world so voluntarily. Looking out past the water, a flat strip of land breaks through the tall grass growing in front of it. What could it be? An old fort? A trap? Leaving the heaviness I felt moments before I journeyed to the far part of the water bank. Clanking rustles beside me as I run my fingers along its face. The scent of old pennies rings through my nose. How can I get over? I need to see if anyone can help me...if they'd help me. Weariness glosses over my eyes. I can't survive going back, I will never go back to that man.

Quickly moving towards the building I hear faint laughs and chatter among those who linger within its walls. Inching to the closest window I squint inside. Two planes seek refuge inside, while those who seem to be their pilots stand below. A handful of men and women. Glancing over my shoulder I see a familiar face among the grass not too far from where I am positioned. No, no no no. How? My hands clutching at my sides, he raises his hand with his hand open, calling for me. Please, no. Forgive me. The wind whips me through the grass long the far side of the building. Echoing in the distance behind me, his actions no longer soft, but rather aggressive and demanding. Fear reaching through the depths of my throat I squeeze through the propped open door way. No words escape my mouth. "WHOA WHOA! STOP RIGHT THERE!" One started to shout at me. Tears streaming down my hot cheeks I collide with one of them. Clinging to them the others begin to hear the him outside. "Please. Please help me." I sob into their uniform. A soft pair of hands rest on my head and shoulder. "GET THE GUNS AND RESTRAINTS." One shouts to the rest. The others scramble about in the distance as the one I clung to guides me away from the chaos.

"Hey, finally you're awake." A soldier sits next to me perched on a chair. Standing, they offer me some water and what seems to be a piece of bread with jam. "I apologize for the food, but its hard to get the higher ups to send actual food down here." They sheepishly sit back down before taking a deep sip of their own drink. Without looking down at the contents I begin to chew on the bread and sip the warm water. "You slept for quite some time you know, " they start, "When you rushed into the building it was a quarter to two, now its almost nine thirty." I finish both of my refreshments and set the cup down on the side table, making them look at me. "Those men, do you want to know what happened to them?" Finally meeting their gaze, I became unable to wield an answer. "Well, they tried to break into our facility which ended up with our troops arresting a bunch of them. The others that managed to escape were tracked back to a small camp. We are planing to overtake that soon enough and then from there we are requesting to search the rest of the surrounding areas for any other camps or even just people we managed to miss during our initial sweeps." Their words flow from their mouth into the dense air around us. Swallowing the lump in my throat, "D-did you.. did you catch a big man?" I squeak out. The person sitting before me looks at me with questions plaguing their eyes. "A big man?" Nodding, I answer, "Y-yes. He...he has a scar on his belly..it almost looks like a fish." A saltiness fills my mouth, shocked dry heaving takes control. Several minutes and several cups of water later the dense silences engulfs us again. "Do you have a name?" No one has asked me that in quite a long time. It has always been piece, prize, slave, bitch, pet, just names of ownership. "Beth." I look them in the eyes again, but this time I am met with a deep wave of sadness. "Beth.. Its nice to meet you," they reach out their hand, "I'm Miranda." Unsure of the action, I never take their hand in mine, understanding Miranda retreats to the safety of their chair. "I am going to go discuss things with my captain, so I will be back a bit later. Try to get some more sleep Beth, I promise to not let anything happen to you while you're here." Miranda states walking towards the door and closing it behind them.

Light dancing along the floor, reaching ever so slightly onto Beth's face. Miranda edges closer to the bed before Beth jolts awake. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Beth. I truly didn't mean to startle you." Beth pushed her self into the corner of the room as tightly as she could. With her breath slowing, Beth inches back over to the center of the bed. "After speaking with my captain, we are going to fly you home on our next charter going out. The authorities are going to be waiting for you stateside. Beth, you're going home." Miranda shines her teeth with excitement. Beth dazed nods and proceeds to stand, readying herself for her journey away from this hell. "Whoa, hold on. Before we leave, I got you some things." Miranda makes her way to the door, leaving it open, she enters again with a pack. Both sit while Miranda begins to take out the contents. Laid before Beth is a new shirt, shorts, a pair of socks, undergarments and running shoes. "Why?" Beth starts, "Why are you doing this? I'm not worth anything to you, so why are you helping me?" Shocked Miranda stares at her for a moment. "Beth you're not an object that has some kind of value to it. You're a person and you deserve a lot more than what you have been given so far in life." Tears stain Beth's cheeks, uncertainty infiltrates her thoughts. "So now, we are going to go to the showers, get you cleaned up and then by the time we're finished, the plane will be ready for departure." Miranda stands again, reaching her hand out to Beth. Looking at her, Beth is too tired to fight. Taking her hand they leave.

Upon entering the washroom, Beth cowers behind Miranda. "Hey," she whispers, "Beth, its okay. This is where we shower and go to the bathroom when needed. The guys have a different section of the building to do so." Miranda walks over to the far side of the room and turns the handle half way to the right. Warm water flows through the end of the spigot just above Miranda's head. "Come here." Beth from only understanding commands follows in toe. "So you are going to strip, hand me your old clothes and then use this soap to shower," Miranda points to new soap on the counter, "Oh shit, here are some shower shoes." She places a small pair of flip flops on the ground. Beth looks at her curiously, "w-." "Its so you don't get any foot fungus. Do you have any other questions?" Miranda asks turning around and stepping six feet ahead of her. "no." Beth whispers. Taking off the old torn cloths Beth steps under the running water. When was the last time I showered? Beth thought. Has it been long? Using the new soap she cleans off all the grime and shame, even though its been branded on her bones. Turning off the faucet and turning to Miranda she is greeted with a fluffy towel. Miranda while stiff facing the other wall, "Use this to dry off, then use the lotion in the bag, then get dressed." Miranda instructs.

Following Miranda down a dimly lit corridor Beth holds her breath. That old, chalky smell brings her back to the auction rooms. Shuddering Beth walks into Miranda. "Okay Beth, we are going to be taking that plane back to stateside." She instructs Beth to follow her through the hanger and up into the belly of the plane. Beth takes her place while Miranda locks her harness into place. "I will be right back." Miranda whispers while pulling another bag tight to her hip. Disappearing within the bundles of cargo and other soldiers Beth is on her own for the first time since she arrived. "NO WAY!" A voice boomed, "YOU'RE REALLY HER!" A man half skipped, half waked over. "You're Beth Walters right?" Alarmed Beth attempts to free herself from the tight harness. "Hey, Beth!" Miranda calls running over. "Hey its okay," Turning her attention to the thin loud man, "Ronny what the fuck? Didn't I tell you not to interact with her?" Miranda's tone could cut glass. "Chill out, she doesn't mind, do you Beth?" He asks putting up his sunglasses. Beth looked at Miranda pleadingly, "Yeah no, fuck of Ronny before I cuff you to the cargo we're dropping later." Miranda picks him up by the sleeve of his shirt, shoving him away. "Ah alright jeez, I just wanted to show her the article and ask some questions." Ronny whimpers. Beth shoots a look at Ronny, "What? What are you talking about?" She asks quickly. Ronny almost instantly makes his way back in front of Beth. "Oh haven't you heard? You've made headlines for five years since you disappeared!" He exclaims pulling out his phone. "Five? Five years?" Beth gasps. Miranda shoves Ronny back again. Beth rips at the straps of her harness. "Beth, hey Beth," Miranda grabs her hands and Beth's eyes snap to her, "FIVE YEARS?" She yells. Miranda's head slowly dips. "Yes, you have been missing for five years Hun. You're parents never stopped looking for you." Miranda sighs standing up. "We are about to begin our flight, please hold on to your questions until we get back. I am not position to fill you in on the situation, nor is Ronny." The thin man briskly walks away after acknowledging his mistake.

Beth's head never ceased to stop pounding. Five years? I thought it was only a couple of months. She thought. Coming to a rough stop the plane finally stops moving. As the hanger opens Beth is greet with familiar faces. Mom and Dad.