Thump thump thump

I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my head

Like a rhythm that never disappears

Thump thump thump

It's defeaning louder than anything else

Drowning out the sound of my breathing

To the point where I don't think I'm alive

Anymore

Deeper and deeper

I feel myself falling farther and farther away

From the surface of reality

Thump thump thump

Like a drum that's my thoughts

I float forward and back like a wave

Unaware of what's happening around me

And unfazed by the water filling my lungs

Thump thump thump

This is killing me and I'm screaming

Can you hear me now?

I can feel the pain filling me up,

Moving me like a puppet, dragging me

Down further and further

Yet the beat follows me

Thump thump thump

I can't get away from it as it chases me down

To the depths of the sea

Making sure I never see the light of day again

Thump thump thump

I lost the path I was supposed to walk on

It wound this way and that, leading me where I was to go

But then something happened

Suddenly

Without explanation

I was lost, no longer on a clean path

But pushing my way through the jungle,

Searching high and low for the path I lost.

Where did it go?

Was it ever even there?

I can't seem to find it no matter how much I look

No matter how far I walk, I'm just getting lost

Even more than I already am

I can't help but feel as if I'm walking in the wrong direction

Against the flow of the people

Who walk so fast by me, leaving me dizzy and discouraged.

I can't find my way.

I can't tell the difference between day and night anymore

The stars are neither up nor down

And the North Star is hidden behind clouds.

Everything is distancing from me,

Pulling back as if I was a monster.

Am I?

The streets are cold, dark lonely

And I can just take another step

One time for the present

Two times for the past

Am I doing this right?

My reflection keeps me company, walking with me in the windows

Of the abandoned shops and stores that were once

Alive.

Like me.

The weight on my shoulders becomes too much to carry

My footfalls become slower with more time between them

The tears cascading down my face are no longer warm and comforting

But rather cold and empty like ice.

Louder

Than

b

o

m

b

s

I try my best and do my part

But I’m nothing without you telling me what I’m supposed to do

Tell me where do go, order what I’m supposed to say

Without you, I’m lost in my own free will.

The sobs stir in my throat but no one hears

And then when the weight becomes too much

I break.

Louder

Than

b

o

m

b

s

I fall apart like shattered glass and there’s no one to pick me up

They walk by like there’s no problem as if I’m not screaming out in pain

Begging for someone to help me

To tell me where to go

What to say

Who to be

Louder

Than

b

o

m

b

s

Yet no one hears a thing and I lay there, the life slowly draining out of me

No one hears my silent pleas or my inaudible prayers

God doesn’t reach down and help me

Instead, He turns his back on me, unwilling to see my tortured reality

No one hears

No one sees

Yet here I die,

Slowly

And

Painfully,

And

Louder

Than

Bombs

The reflection in the mirror is nothing like

What I remember it being.

It's tired and its eyes are empty

Lifeless and void of any motivation to keep going

Reaching a hand out to make sure it's me,

I pull back in shock as it mocks my movements.

All the dreams I once had seem to fall flat the moment

I step away from the haunting reflection before me.

It moves back too, the distance between us growing

Bigger and bigger

Yet it's not enough to actually separate me from it.

I hate what I see. I look so lifeless and tired

Dead

In a living body.

Each breath I take makes my ribs ache and

Although my heart is still pumping, it's tiring out.

The smile on my face looks so convincing yet it doesn't

Light up the eyes.

"I'm sorry."

The words come from the reflection but I feel them leave my mouth

I don't need to know what it means as a slight comfort

Settles over me.

It's brief but it's enough.

Enough for me to keep moving.

I had once been happy. At one point, I looked forward to each day

In hopes that something new and exciting would happen

But then reality slipped in and I realized

That each day was the same as the past and the ones to come

My dreams became unreachable and unattainable

But it didn't matter anymore

Because the real me

Is missing in action

Maybe hoping that someone would save me

Was too much to ask.

My thoughts were so loud and the

Doubt was so heavy

Yet my voice was so soft and inaudible

That you walked on by without noticing

How dim my light was becoming.

A streetlight that stayed strong for you

And lit your path so you wouldn't stumble

But I still loose my voice when the sun comes up.

-V.

Youth moves like a feather

Through the darkened world

Lighting it up with happiness

Like a million rose petals

Against your skin.

She moves as the wind, graceful yet wistful

And you never see her leave.

Her eyes twinkle as if they were

A million galaxies in a starlit sky.

She speaks as if she were singing a lullaby,

Soft and slow before eventually fading away.

But her touch never quite leaves

And you think of her when you see a shooting star.

And you feel her presence as if it were

The touch of a feather.

My life is like sand, spilling from the palms of my hands

Sifting through my fingers and I can’t stop it.

The castles I once built looked so grand and beautiful

And then the wave of reality crashed over it, knocking it down

Like it was nothing.

My life is like a drawing made out of sidewalk chalk

It was beautiful and vibrant reminding me of late

Summer nights and the smell of a bright bonfire

But then the rain came and washed it away

Like it was nothing.

My life is like a gentle cherry blossom that sways so easily

It goes this way and that and clings on for dear life

As the wind beats against it without mercy. The petals

Slowly fall away when all that remains is one until it too

Is gone leaving the branches naked and bare

Like it was nothing.

My life is like a star in the sky, shining as bright as could be

It glimmers like a beacon of light lost amid the thickened

Darkness of the sadness of space. Until it slowly grows cold

Becoming nothing more than a dead star, floating through

Eternity in silence, waiting for its long-awaited end

Like it was nothing.

My life is like sand, spilling from the palms of my hand

Is sifts through my fingertips and rains onto the flower

Beneath me. The flower I once did sow in

Hopes of reaping a dream. It slowly shriveled up and died.

Like it was nothing.

I'd like to say that I'm strong enough

To withstand your hurtful words

But the truth is I'm not the mask I wear.

These cracks that spread across my skin

Deepen with each word you say

And you call my pain a 'joke' as if

My feelings are nothing to you.

Maybe I'm dust, blowing whichever way

The wind finds fitting but I'd like to think

I'm better than that.

I'd like to hope that I'm better than that...

(But my hope's run out)