I sat on the tire swing in my front yard, watching the movers carry cardboard boxes into Chloe's old house. I had been watching for a while and even though I'd wanted to leave, the Georgia heat had melted my legs to the tire and frazzled my hair. I leaned my head against the chain that held the old tire onto the tree and tried to swing. My toes, which could barely touch the ground, propelled me a pathetic three inches. So, I returned my attention to the movers. Their muscular bodies rippled through their soaking wet shirts. I watched in awe. If Violet were here, she'd ruin this awesome moment by prancing around in one of her way too short dresses and tossing around her blonde weave just to distract them. If there was one thing the neighbors needed know, it was to stay away from Violet Mallory.

"Samantha!" My mom called from inside. "My cobbler's ready! Let's go!"

Oh right, I'd forgotten. My mom was dead set on killing our new neighbors with one of her disgusting watermelon cobblers. If our neighbors are into a watermelon soup with brown stuff that my mom is trying to pass off as dough floating around in it, they will be over here 24/7 because that's all my mother wants to make. At least if this goes like all of the other meet-and-greets with the neighbors, I won't have to see them much.

My mother appeared at the door, holding a pie dish full of death. My mother was embarrassing as it was. She wore her awful cherry patterned overalls and a white shirt. Her work boots had been replaced with sandals that showed off her twisted toenails that had been painted a sickly shade of green and enough corns to feed a family of twelve. Everything about her screamed help. Ugh. Better get this over with. I separated my thighs from the tire swing with a painful ripping sound and walked over to my mother. She smiled at me and handed me the pie dish. It was worse than I'd imagined. The watermelons smelled burnt and the set up made me want to hurl. I silently hoped that the people next door didn't eat it as we trekked the four feet next door.

"Shouldn't we wait until they get situated?" I asked my mother. "I mean... they might not even have a place to put this."

"Nonsense, Samantha. Now stand up straight. You want to make a good impression on these people. They will be here all summer. Then, Chloe will be back and it will be all over." Thank God. I straightened my back as much as I could as my mother rang the doorbell.

"The door's open, Mom. We could just go right in."

"Now, Samantha, you wouldn't like someone just walking into your house, would you?"

"No, but that doesn't stop them!"

In Monroe, no one really knocked. If you were at home, they just opened the door and came on in. It was one of the downsides of living in a small town. They always know where you are, what you are doing, and who you are doing it with, even when you don't. So, we waited at the open door like a bunch of idiots for someone to answer. Movers walked around carrying heavy boxes marked Fragile, occasionally looking at us weird. Finally, a young woman came over to us.

"What are you doing?" she asked. Or at least that's what I thought she said. She was wearing a sheet with a rectangle cut out for her eyes.

"We're your new neighbors," my mother said. She extended her arm. "I'm Janelle and this my daughter, Samantha."

"Sam," I corrected. "We made you a watermelon cobbler. If you were wise, you wouldn't eat it."

"I'm Tehra," the girl said. She had pretty hazel eyes and a soft voice with a thick accent. When she extended her arm, I could see that she had red paint on her hands. It formed an elaborate sun on her hand. "I'll take that. Madame Genevieve will enjoy it. She likes watermelons."

"Not this one," I murmured as we followed Tehra inside.

I was in awe. The walls, which once had ISA in big blue Crayola letters, were repainted baby blue. The carpet which had many stains from barf, poop, pee, and blood had been deep cleaned until it was white. I had no idea it was white and I had been in Chloe's house every day since I was born. The stairs where Chloe's brother, Michael, had broken his skull had been recarpeted so that the sharp parts were covered by white carpet cleaned vigorously. I was impressed even though I still hated them.

"Madame Genevieve, we have company. This is Miss Janelle and her daughter Sam."

"Sam," I corrected nonchalantly.

Tehra looked at me funny. "Isn't that what I said? Sam?"

"She'll answer to either," my mom lied while I stared at her dumbfounded. I only answered to Sam... Maybe even Samurai. Not Samantha. It was such a stupid, simple name. "I love what you've done with the place."

"Merci," Miss Genevieve said. Her voice was thick with a French accent. She almost sounded like Mademoiselle Bordeaux, the crazy French teacher who hated my guts. "It took some work.The carpet was filthy. I dropped fifty euros to get my brother Christophe to clean it. He wasn't happy about it either."

"I'll bet. The Risadeaxs were very messy people." Why my mother was ratting out my BFF to the foreigner was beyond me. "They had six children."

"My parents have ten children and we aren't messy," Tehra said innocently. "We are very neat."

My mother smiled like she always did when she was embarrassed. "Where are you from? You have a very thick accent."

Tehra covered where her mouth should've been. Miss Genevieve answered for her. "She's a foreign exchange student from Iran. She was the top in all of her classes and her father pushed for her to be sent to school here even though her mother was against it. She's in her third year of college."

"How old are you?"

"I'm twenty-one," Tehra said through her short fingers and her sheet. "I do online schooling though. Officer Nelson is always getting called away and we have to move again. After the summer we are going to Tokyo. I've never been and I'm so excited!"

"You travel a lot with them?" my mother asked Tehra. She smiled and nodded.

"She's been with us since she was nine. She's practically my second daughter."

"Don't you miss your family?" I asked. I mean a few weeks in paradise but twelve years!! That's just insane! And I hate my family.

"We Skype every day. My younger sister, Ganya, had just had a baby. She named him Samar. He's a cutie."

"Don't you go to see them?" I said. I think I'd be a little pissed if Violet didn't at least try to hold her son in for another eighteen hours so I could be present. "I mean, you didn't even get to see your nephew be born!"

"Well, I did see him be born. It was nasty beyond belief!! And I'll see him in March. I go to see them every spring break. I get to go back to Tehran, the city for which I was named, and see my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews and my poor old dad and his wife and her family."

"Isn't it dangerous?"

Tehra laughed. "You've been watching too much FOX News. It isn't that bad over there. I mean, I'm a woman so it will kinda always be bad over there for me but it isn't as bad as other countries. I think it's better than Israel and Gaza and places like that."

My mother smiled at me. "Why don't you two girls go play in the backyard while us adults talk?"

I looked around for another teenager around but Tehra shrugged off being called a child. "Come on, Sam. Let's go talk upstairs. I think they've set up my room already."

I followed Tehra up the stairs to Isa's old room. There were still spots where you can see that Isa was trying to write her name through the light yellow paint. Tehra had a laptop case sitting on the window seat that was the sight of many broken noses and jaws. Her window had a new curtain that wasn't broken and torn up. The closet door had been repaired and repainted white along with the bedroom door. There were dressers and a bed assembled around the room. In the corner, there was a guitar case. "Wow..."

"Yeah. This room was a wreck. It reminded me of when I was little and I had to share a room with my younger sister, Aja. She'd write my name all over the walls and blame me just so she could watch me get spanked."

I went over to her guitar case. "Is this real?"

"Yeah. Who just has an empty case?"

"Where'd you get it?"

"Taylor got it for me."

"Is that one of your sisters?"

"He's more like a brother than a sister. There he is now. Hey, Taylor."

I looked out of the door and felt like I had been punched in the heart. There was a muscular guy at the door. He had tanned skin and long shaggy hair. His eyes were stunning and wore a faded Holister shirt that was soaking wet. I almost fainted. "Hey Tehra. Made a new friend?"

"Something like that... This is Sam."

"Hey Sam. I'm Taylor."

Oh my gosh, he said my name!!! "Uh... Hi..." I murmured stupidly.

Taylor walked away and I sat on the floor. "He's... Where's you get him?"

Tehra laughed. "He and his older brothers are like my brothers. He was four when I met him. He just grabbed my leg and held on like he never wanted to let go. It was awkward. I was like nine and he scared me so much. They all did. Aubrey pulled him off of me and was really nice about the awkwardness of that. She made me feel right at home. She and Off. Nelson. You know I really..."

Tehra's voice faded from my mind. All I could see was his eyes and his smile. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor, Taylor Taylor. Maybe this summer wouldn't be so bad after all...

"What!!!" It was hard to hear Chloe over the yelling of Isa and Michael, Michelle singing Justin Bieber with Holly's niece Jane, and MCR songs blasting through the room. "We rented our house out to a hottie and I'm not even allowed to see him!!! Son of a bitch!!!"

"Yeah. I thought Evan called you and told you." Miss Genevieve had only kicked us out of her house ten minutes ago but I had to tell Chloe. She loved cute guys. "His mom forced him to come over too."

"Shut up! He said there was a terrorist next door and that it was a she. Evan didn't mention that there was a cute guy next door!!!"

"He's your boyfriend. He wouldn't have told you even if he knew you wanted to know."

Chloe paused to bite into something crunchy. "You know Holly has me on a damn diet!!! First she drags me to Ball Sacramento, the lamest place in Cali, and then she forces me to eat carrot sticks. You know she doesn't have any cute guys in her family either. I spent twelve boring minutes talking to her nephew, Dudley."

"How'd that go?"

Chloe bit hard into the carrot. "It was fucking awful! For one, she failed to mention that her nephew was a stoner. Which would've overruled how lame he looked. He looks like Shaggy off of Scooby-Doo. Not the cute one either. Like one of the lame cartoonists. Plus the dude had a gastrointestinal problem so he was farting for hours!!" I could already see Chloe doing her annoyed face where she crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out halfway. I began to giggle. "Plus, to make matters worse, he weighed less than me and was a fucking matchstick! A MATCHstick!!! I bet he was small anyway!"

I giggle again. Chloe grunted from the other line. "I'm going to kill Evan when I get home. So are they moving bombs into the house?"

"No. I didn't see any. But they cleaned up."

"What!!! There is no way those people cleaned all that up. That's fifteen years worth of children and divorce and fighting and hell and back! How did they clean it?!? We couldn't even clean it!"

"You didn't exactly try..." I reminded her.

"So? Even if we did try, we wouldn't have even made a dent. So why try?"

"Did you know the carpet is white?"

"It's beige. It was when we moved in. I've seen old pictures."

"Nope. It was white. I saw it with my own eye holes."

"You are lying."

"Nuh-uh."

"Prove it! Go take pictures."

"I can't. They kicked us out already. But I saw it. I'll ask Tehra for pictures tomorrow. Then, I'll scan them at the library and e-mail them." Monroe was like twenty years behind in technology. Our librarian, Gail Morris, swore that she wanted to go back to Atlanta like she did when she was little and leave Monroe for once and for all but she hasn't left yet. "You'll get them and you'll see I'm not lying."

"There is no way that is possible. we fucked that house up so bad that Holly swore that we were the messiest people she's ever seen and she's a maid for Christ sakes!"

I heard my mother call my name for dinner. Oh please, dear God, be pizza. Saratina's gotta give us a break. She's had Mom's food. "I've got to go eat. Wish me luck. Pray I don't die tonight. She's probably still pissed at me."

"Dear Holy God, don't take my friend away from me. Take her mother's casseroles and burn them in Hell."

"Amen."

"See ya, girl. I'll talk to you later." There was a crash, a bang, and sobs in the background. "Damn it, Michelle!! I said watch Isa!!"

The line died off. I ran down the stairs and was greeted by my little brother Matt. He was covered form head to toe in flour. Oh dear God... What's dinner? I rubbed what was once Matt's blonde hair, sprinkling flour allover the main hall, and we went into the kitchen. It was smoky in there and Violet and my mom were arguing. "But Mom! Everyone has one!!!"

"I don't care! You are way too young to be trying to get a tattoo."

"It's fake!!! It'll wash off in a few days."

"I don't care. You aren't getting a tattoo and that's final!" Mom one, Violet zero. Mom stooped down and pulled out a horrendous casserole out of the oven. "Dinner's ready."

"I'm not eating that," Violet said matter-of-fact.

It didn't matter whether she ate it or not. It was just going to come back out soon. Mom could've made a perfect chocolate cake... okay bought a perfect chocolate cake and Violet still would've chosen not to eat it. Whatever she chose to eat, she would just throw up or shit out anyway. She was anorexic, thanks to Junie and Amber's thinness, and she wasn't allowing herself to gain a pound. I didn't blame her for saying she wasn't eating the casserole. It was liquidy and smelled like burnt broccoli and garlic. I was beginning to really miss Chloe living next door. Before, I'd just feed the casseroles to our dog, Sparks, who didn't care what it smelled like, and crawl on my tree over to Chloe's house and just have dinner there. Now, it would just be weird.

"You will eat whatever I say you will. Now sit down and eat this casserole I slaved over for three hours preparing."

"Is that why it smells like poopies?" Matt asked. His little brown eyes were filled with innocence.

He always got to eat a hot-dog or cheeseless pizza Saratina made while I was forced to eat the concoctions my mother considered food. He was lucky he was lactose intolerant. I tried to fake that but I ended up shitting my pants. Not the best party trick when you mother has her new boyfriend and his there kids over. Things didn't really work out after that. I wonder why... "Yeah, baby brother. That's why it smells like poopies. Mom made it."

My mother glared at us. "Table. Now."

Violet groaned and stomped to the table. I took Matt's hand and we followed her over to the table. I helped Matt into his booster seat, which mom insisted on making him sit in even though he was seven. Mom came in about five minutes later. She carried a plain hamburger for Matt in one hand and her casserole dish in the other. There were five bowls balanced perfectly on top of the casserole dish. Mom may not have been able to cook but she could balance stuff on top of other stuff like nobody's business. She set the dishes on the table and began to ladle casserole into the three bowls. When the bowls were full to the point where the acidic stuff was splashing off of the sides, she set one bowl in front of me and one in front of Violet. She took her bowl and sat at the head of the table.

"Bow your heads," my mother said. "Vi, your turn to say grace."

"Damn it. Okay," Violet grabbed my hand and Matt's hand and we bowed our heads while my awful sister crafted up a prayer. "Dear Lord, I pray that you give my mother the sight of cooking and teach her that if its taking more than an hour and a half, it's burnt. I pray that my family lives through this and that Junie and Amber will forgive me for all the calories that I'm putting in my body. Oh! I also pray that Mom changes her mind about the tattoo or she'll rot in hell. Amen."

"Real mature," my mother said. she used a spoon and stirred the weird goopy mess. "This is Peach and broccoli soup. You will enjoy it."

"But peaches and broccoli don't go together," I said. "They are in entirely different sections on that cute little pyramid for a reason. That line is like a barbed wire. Once you cross it, you are officially hurting everyone."

Violet nodded. She stirred the gooey mess with her spoon like it was tea, sploshing it all over the table. I wasn't even going to put my spoon through the awfulness of the contents of the bowl. I wouldn't put anything into or near that bowl without them wearing a Has-mat suit. "So, Junie and Amber get tattoos and I don't. How will I ever be able to go to school again?"

"Well, you shouldn't be worried about that. School isn't for two months. Plus, your face is fine. I'm just not letting you get a tramp stamp that says Juicy. I will let you get butterflies or maybe even an anchor but you will not be getting a tramp stamp or any other tattoo that says Juicy on your body. You may write in Sharpie. You may do it in stickers but yo are not getting anything permanent on your body with that kind of message. Do something else."

"What's a tramp stamp?" Matt asked.

"It's a tattoo on your lower back," I explained. "In the olden days, prostitutes used to get them with their stage name."

"Isn't Daddy's new wife a prostitute, Mommy?"

"Oh dear lord," My mother shoveled casserole into her mouth so that she didn't have to answer.

"Yes, Jenny is a whore," Violet answered. "She got knocked up so Daddy would be stuck with her."

"What's knocked up?"

"Pregnant." Violet looked at Mom to see if she was breaking. Mom toughly chewed and glared back at Violet with a straight face. She was better than me. Violet would've lost a few teeth if she were my daughter. "Isn't Sarah a crack baby, Mom?"

"That's no way to talk about your sister."

"I'm not talking about my sister. I'm asking about Sarah."

"Sarah is just as much your sister as Samantha is."

"Sam," I said.

"Oh just give up. We aren't calling you Sam, kid. You are Samantha to us. Get over it."

"Tramp."

"Samantha."

"That's enough! Eat you goddamn dinner and do not say another word about tramps, tattoos or your father."

"You're just mad because he left you for a tramp," Violet murmured as she put her spoon into her mouth with a tiny bit of peach on it.

"THAT'S IT!" Mom got up and walked towards Violet. Violet ran out of the house with Mom close behind. I poured my casserole back into the dish and went to the front room to watch. I'd walk to Saratina's Pizzeria later. This was too good to miss. I went to the front window and watched as my mom tackled Violet and began to smack her in the mouth. Ass beatings were like the Emmys in Monroe. Totally worth not walking to Saratina's when I had the chance.

As soon as Mom was asleep, I was right back out again. Violet had gone out with Junie and Amber so I didn't have to fork over any extra money for this to stay a secret. It was humid and the smell of rain hung in the air like a plane right before dropping a bomb. The streetlights were on but that hadn't stopped me from going out late since I was eight. Plus, it wasn't like Sheriff Tom would stop me and ask questions. He was more concerned about who was in his bed with his wife when he wasn't home than any crime. I swear, they should just go get on Maury and be done with it. (Yes, Maury airs in small towns too.)

I walked down Harbow Drive. It wasn't quiet either. The Johnsons fought while their son, Greg, was sleeping. That kid could sleep through anything. Once, there was a five alarm fire (whatever that means) and he slept right through it. Mrs. Walker and her two badass monkeys were outside catching fireflies. I felt bad for those poor bugs. They would either die by being smooched by Yasmine's little hands or from Brian Jr. putting them into a jar with no holes. I saw Charlotte, the local drug addict, shooting up by the corner. She smiled sleepily and waved. I waved back and walked over to Saratina's Cantina and Pizzeria.

Saratina's seventeen year old niece, Rayven, was manning the register. I smiled at God. I had left my wallet at home. Ray was so much nicer than her aunt because she understood when my mother was cooking. She too had to experience the awful watermelon cobbler. "What did she do this time?"

"Peach and Broccoli Casserole."

"Wow, that sounds bad. You just wait right here and I'll get you a delicious pepperoni pizza."

We both giggled at the irony of that. Saratina made the absolute worse pizzas in town. In fact, her revenue has gone down 98% since they build a Papa Johns across the street. But, Miss Saratina was a family friend and she never charged us a dime. (Good too since I didn't exactly have a dime at the moment.) I waited patiently as Ray prepared a pepperoni pizza. In the meantime, I read one of the old newspapers that was printed into the counter tops. It was from 1965 and talked about the Civil Rights Movement. Sit-ins were happening everywhere in Georgia. Luckily, since a lot of the KKK either died or was carted into the nursing home, Monroe had gotten better.

Ray returned six and a half minutes later with the pizza. The crust looked like cardboard and the pizza had bathed in grease. Just how I liked it. I took a bite and both grease and spit ran onto my plate.

"Yuck," I murmured as I took another bite. "Can I get a milkshake too?"

"You sure can," Ray said. The milkshakes were better than the pizza by a long shot. They were what was keeping the restaurant afloat until Saratina decided to market them for less than they were sold in the restaurant. Then everything went downhill.

"Here you go, baby. One strawberry milkshake with whipped stuff and a Maraschino cherry. Just the way you like it."

"Thanks."

I heard the door open but opted not to turn around. I knew who it was by the way the door had opened. Mr. Hannigan plopped down next to me, nearly breaking the chair, and ordered a vanilla milkshake. Then, he turned to me and smiled.

"Hey there, Samantha. How's it going?"

"Sam. I'm doing fine."

"How's Chloe? Is she liking Sacramento?"

"She said the Ball Sac sucks and she wants to come home."

"That's the spirit. Tell her keep her head up and she'll get through it," Mr. Hannigan said. He had a nasty habit of asking a question and not giving a damn about what came out of your mouth.

"What's the trouble, Mr. Hannigan?" Ray asked as she set down the milkshake. She too had that nasty habit.

"My damn mistress is pregnant." Gee, what else is new? Mr. Hannigan knocked his mistress up every nine months and was always complaining since there was always some reason she couldn't get rid of it. If you ask me, he should just buy more condoms and shut the hell up about it. "And now Rebecca's got the job at the hospital so we can't abort."

"So don't," I suggested.

"I can't do that... You two are too young to understand." THEN, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU TELL US YOU FAT BASTARD!!!

Mr. Hannigan left the shop hurriedly, leaving the money on the table. Ray smiled. "Doesn't he know by now that Becky knows? He has five kids with his mistress and they all look alike. SHE KNOWS, YOU FAT CUNT!!!" I laughed. Ray was the only one who cursed around me. "You'd better head home now." I'd finished my pizza. Time for some TV.

"Okay. Thanks Ray!"

"Any time! See you tomorrow." Most definitely.

I rounded the corner and headed for the salon, the one place where there was cable TV in this town. Like I said, Monroe was like the 1980s for technology. It was there, it just wasn't exactly popular. Most of us still had those stupid box TVs with fuzzy reception and ten channels. I'd begged Mom to let us upgrade and get a flat screen but Mom's practically Amish. She says, "Jesus and oxygen are the two most important things in your life." The salon normally didn't change the channel from E!, Lifetime, or Oxygen anyway which Mom was totally against. But, those crazy people remind me why I enjoy living in a small town: you are less likely to eat the thing your baby grew in or put mayo in your sister's junk. Life lessons, man, life lessons.

There were ten women sitting in the salon and it was only eight. More people would flock in as time went on. Keeping up with the Kardashians came on at eight thirty and I don't know a woman besides my mother and the preacher's wife that has missed an episode without being terminally ill. Casey and Mandy, two bitches from my school sat on the waiting bench. Sally Mae tended to Germaine, Rayven's little sister, while drying Mrs. Hannigan's hair. Teresa and Flo were reading magazines by the TV. Veronica was just there for the TV, evident by her lounging on the leather sofa. Tess's chair was empty as always. That's my cue.

When I came in, I headed straight for Tess's chair. Tess is one of my favorite hairdressers and she always has a seat open for me since to one wants to go to her. Oh yeah, Tess is a lesbian (one of two in our town) and very few women are comfortable around her. Before she "came out," tons of girls wanted her to do their hair since she had studied at the hair school on Magnolia Rd. But now, everyone's mean and weird to her. No one will let her touch them, talk to them, or even look at them without it being reported to the Gossiping Club. Me and Chloe are the only ones brave enough to talk to her and we're judged for that too.

"Hey Sam. What will it be?"

"What's new?" I was always letting Tess try new styles on me. My mom's face had turned paler than a cloud the time Tess had given me an Elf Princess Braid, where she took my then-long hair, braided it waterfall style, and wrapped it around my head. Then, she poured blue dye onto my hair, staining it blue for a few months. "Do you have anything special for me?"

"Always, my good customer," Tess said with a wink. There was no sarcasm in her voice but plenty of emphasis. "I have the Hayley Williams. I will straighten your hair and dye half of it pink and half orange. It will look so good."

I could hear Casey and Mandy stifle their laughter like they did with the Elf Princess Braid and the Grass Skirt, a fun hairdo where Tess plaited my hair and dyed it neon green. "Do you two have a problem with that?" I asked them.

"You trying to impress him?"

"Who? Kevin? Hell no."

"No. That cutie next door to you. The one with the dimples and the cute accent."

Dimples? Accent? They were staring harder than I was, that's for sure. "No. I'm trying to kill my mother before she kills me. She made broccoli and peach casserole."

"I saw that on Rachel Ray," Flo said. She hadn't even looked up from her magazine. It looked good."

"C'mon now... Miss Janelle made it. How as it?" Sally Mae asked as she curled Germaine's ends with the flat iron. Germaine winced in pain as Sally Mae allowed the gold part to touch her skin. "Sorry baby. You know I can't see. You are short."

Germaine groaned and put her head down. I felt sorry for Germaine. Sally Mae had been doing my hair since I was like six months and trust me when I say she has no morals when it comes to someone else's body. She had burnt, pulled, and cut just about every hair on my body at least twice and has only said sorry once to me. The only reason she's nice to Germaine and Rayven is because they are kin to Saratina, who takes nothing from no one.

"I didn't eat that shit," My cursing made pretty much everyone gasp. I cursed like a sailor since I was like eight and still shocked people. "It was lumpy and smelled like everything inside was burnt but was somehow still yellowish."

"Yuck!" Tess as she trimmed my ends. "That just sounds awful. So, who are these new neighbors?"

Damn small towns... "It's this guy named Taylor and his family. There's a girl living with them too. Her name's Tehra. She's not a terrorist."

"That's what they all say," Casey said. "I'll get her to talk."

She was hammering her fist into her hand. Casey and her brother Elliot were world renowned for their ability to beat the living hell out of anyone. I mean anyone. They are most famous for the time they both teamed up on their older sister, Chrystiana. When Sheriff Tom got there, his oldest daughter was being kicked in the sternum by the other two and laughing morbidly as blood drizzled from her mouth. According to the GC, all the sheriff did was step over her and run upstairs and walk into his bedroom to see who was in there.

I rolled my eyes. "She's really nice. She acts like a female version of Peter. She's childish and laughs a lot. She watches a lot of SpongeBob."

"They have cable?" Veronica exclaimed. The whole salon was looking at me. More cable equaled more Kardashian time.

"No. They just have internet. Tehra has a laptop too."

"That's not what Evan said. He said she had wild eyes and he couldn't see her mouth but he knew she was growling at him. Just because he told a joke about Chloe," Mandy said. "Is this true Samantha?"

"She was laughing. And it's Sam."

"How do you mix up laughter and anger?" Terri asked. She was onto her second Elle magazine.

"You are Evan, apparently," I said.

Mandy smiled at me. "You know what I think?"

"I don't particularly care."

"You want a rebound guy so bad. Just can't get over the fact that Kevin dumped you that you will defend a terrorist to get a guy."

"You know what I think? You are so pissed that can't get a guy, you blame everyone else for the obvious fact that no one likes you. Have you ever though that it was you?"

Mandy looked hurt. Good, she should be. I'm not desperate, I'm just honest. "You're done, darling!" Tess announced happily. "Go under the dryers."

I sat under the dryers as more and more women began to fill the room. It was eight twenty-eight. This was some season finale. I wasn't really interested. I spent twenty-eight minutes trying to see if I had acquired heat vision. Since I hadn't, I walked straight out of the salon and home once my hair was dry. I spent the whole night dreaming of awful ways Mandy could die.

I awoke to the sweet strumming of a guitar, a bad smell, and Violet barfing. Dear Life, hate me less. Sincerely, Sam. I peered out of my window to see Taylor sitting on my tree playing a guitar with his name stained on the wood. He was playing "Classic" by MKTO, a song I knew well since Kevin had sang that to me before he had broken up with me. Oh memories, I want to shoot you in the face. I was tempted to say something but I got tongue-tied. Before I could try again, Taylor smiled at me and climbed back into his window. What the hell was that?

I shrugged it off, shut my curtains, and went to take a shower. I was halfway there when I saw Junie and Amber at our bathroom door, waiting on Vi to finish her after breakfast dieting plan. Not the best time either since I was wrapped up in my Mickey Mouse robe and wearing my giraffe slippers. Nothing better than looking lame in front of your sister's friends. Junie looked at me and giggled. Great. "Hi Samantha." HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO CORRECT THESE PEOPLE!!! "Nice uh... outfit." Amber giggled.

I pushed past them and banged on the bathroom door. "Violet!!! Get the hell out of the bathroom!! Mom said you had to watch Matt!"

Violet opened the door instantly. A bit of her breakfast was running down her chin and she was still holding her toothbrush. "She said what?"

I pulled her out of the bathroom and handed her the toothbrush. "There are three bathrooms. Go find a different one to throw up in."

Before Violet had even realized she'd been duped, I slammed the door in her face and locked it. I took a quick thirty minute shower and went back into my room to get dressed. Violet was gone. She and her friends were going to Junie's house to get drunk and smoke pot. (I mean, it's a small town. What do you think we do all day? Read?) Matt had left early with Mom when she left for work. Once I was dressed in my favorite Nirvana shirt (okay, it was Kevin's but it isn't like he's gonna stop me in the streets and ask for it back) and cut off shorts, I grabbed my Polaroid camera, climbed out of the window, and tight roped to the room across from me.

Chloe's room had been painted black (she would thank them) and redecorated completely. There were AC/DC posters on the walls. There was a new bed with blood red sheets and a black, beaten up pillow. There was a bookshelf with two books (naturally) and a keyboard carefully tipped onto its side and slid between the bookshelf and the wall. There were two dressers and a mirror. I jumped into the room with ultra stealth and crawled under the bed. Someone was coming. Two bare feet turned as if looking for something, pulled a plug out of the wall, and left. I only had one chance to do this. I rolled out and took one picture of a stunned girl. Fuck! I clamored out of the window and over to my room and... the window was closed. Shit, shit, shit!

The girl was coming after me. SHIT!!! I looked around for distractions. Acorns, pine cones, squirrel, bird's nest... I grabbed the squirrel and threw him at the girl. The squirrel chittered curses at me as I looked for a better way down. If the tree wasn't twenty feet in the air, I would've jumped but that wasn't even close to an option. Chloe had taken her trampoline to Sacramento with her and that was the only way I was ever jumping out of a tree. Crap, the girl was focused again. She had placed the pissed squirrel safely into the tree and started after me again. I moved backwards and stumbled on the chain of my swing. My swing!

The girl lunged at me and I rolled off of the tree bough. As soon as I was far away from her, I grabbed my swing chain and slid down to safety with only minor burns to my hands. I knew she'd follow me but I wasn't expecting her to jump out of the tree and land perfectly on her feet. She was the Terminator. I began to sprint but it was useless. I tasted dirt as soon as I had thought about running. The girl turned me over and shook me like a crazy person. "What's wrong with you!" she yelled.She also had the crazy accent like Taylor. "Why you in my room taking pictures? Who are you?"

I wanted to correct her by saying it was technically still Chloe's room, but she'd probably hit me or worse. I could tell she was tough and probably played soccer since she had jumped out of the tree and landed with such ease and precision. "I didn't know you were still in there. I'm really sorry. Please don't kill me," I begged.

The girl glared at me. "What the hell's the picture for? What are you, some type of Peeping Tessa?"

Peeping Tessa? Those Brits were weird. "No," I said hastily. "I was just trying to prove something to my friend. You see she rented her house to you guys and I had told her that it was cleaned. She couldn't believe it because her family had tried to clean it before and it hadn't worked. She wanted me to prove it so I had taken a picture when I thought you weren't there and I was going to e-mail it to her at the library."

The girl looked at me funny then released her Death Grip on my arm and stood up. I fell onto the sod where a new hole was made using my head. "You could've asked. We have tons of before and after photographs. My uncles and aunts were so surprised that they hadn't cleaned up before leaving. That's just common courtesy. We know that and we're French." The girl offered me a hand. "C'mon then. I'll get those photos and you will never enter my house that way ever again. Got it?" I nodded. "Good. C'mon."

The Nelsons had some really diligent workers because I could remember them leaving around seven o'clock. The house was furnished to the brim. The kitchen had a brand new Kenwood fridge (the kind that holds more food that the other ones) and a new stove that cooks stuff through the skillets used. The living room had a flat screen (but no cable box) and three remotes that worked it. The hall had fancy accent tables and rug on the new linoleum floor Holly had bought before they'd moved. I followed her into an office that was once a den that smelled of cigars and old liquor. The girl handed me two pictures of each room. "Your friend should be pleased with that."

"Thanks um..."

"Aubrey Lynn. It was interesting meeting you and hopefully next time it will be using the door and not my window." This is going to end up like the Furious Farter incident. At least this one is slightly less embarrassing.

"Please leave now. I'd rather not see you. You know your way to the door."

"Gee thanks." I had the pictures in my hand. Score.

Just as I was leaving, Taylor trotted downstairs. I couldn't hide before he saw me. Be cool, be cool. He saw the pictures and grinned. "Beastly, eh?"

"What?"

"That floor. It's beastly, isn't it?"

 I guess I gave him that Stupid American look because he just smiled and explained it to me. "You guys say like... nasty or disgusting. In Britain, they said beastly. You know... beasts are disgusting and filthy and so the floor."

"Oh." Recover. Recover! "That's swanky."

"Swanky... I haven't heard that one anywhere."

"It means like... swanky?"

Taylor laughed. I really wanted to hide but he held out his hand and I had no choice but to take it and go outside with him. I ended up walking to the library with Taylor because he was pretty damn distracting. He had a super cute accent and smiled a lot. Plus, said fun English phrases like "taking a piss" (which has nothing to do with pee) and "pavement pizza" (which is vomit so don't eat it.) He even opted to go in with me. Always fun since I was sure Mandy was in there chatting with Chad MacDonald although he was like twenty had a fiancée.

As soon as I walked in, I could feel the glares from everyone inside. Taylor was holding my hand and I hadn't even noticed until he started to walking and I was suddenly in line with him. I saw Mandy, flipping her blonde hair at Chad one minute and glowering at me the next. Veronica and her sister, Melanie, were both giving me those awful looks like I'd imagine those ladies in the Scarlet Letter looking. I even saw Gail looking at me funny and she's forty and raising her four grandkids! So, that was really awkward. Plus, I didn't even use those beastly pictures Aubrey had given me. I just mailed the one I'd had and left before anyone else came in to look at me funny. I had to call Chloe as soon as I got home. We had a lot to talk about.

"So, now you sent the picture to your mate, where do you want to go?" Taylor asked. I had recently let go of his hand and had completely forgotten he was still with me.

Right now? Home so I can go call Chloe and squeal like those KPOP fangirls. (It was a phase! They're cute!!) "Uh... There's a park close by." Why'd I say that? Kevin and his bitch-ass friends (and Harry) hang out around there. "There's a movie theater up the road too. We could go to the cafe. Dolly's in there and she makes the absolute best turnovers." I knew I sounded so fat as soon as that had escaped my lips. "If you like fluffy dough and apple filling I mean."

Taylor laughed and smiled. Where'd he get such pink gums? I have been scrubbing and scraping at my browning gums and haven't made a dent except for the excessive bleeding. "Please just be yourself around me. Don't be like all of those other girls I've met."

"Gee thanks. Compare me other sluts you've been around," I murmured. Wait, did I just say that out loud?

"See?" Taylor said. Oh fuck, I messed up. "That's what I like in a girl. One who speaks her mind, doesn't bite her tongue like all these other girls do." Doesn't he know that if I'd been speaking my mind this whole time, I would've been jumped by now? "Keep talking."

"About what?"

"Anything. What did you think of that girl in the library? I think her name's Amanda. What do you think of her? Should I waste my time with her?"

Oh great. One sly remark and I'm his love guru. Well, at least I can ruin everyone else's chances. "Mandy's a bitch. She's arrogant and just disgusting. She shakes her head and I swear the dust mites get snow. Which is just gross. Plus, she insists on calling me Samantha even though everyone in this whole shit-hole knows I hate that damn name and then she gets pissed at me for calling her Amanda. That girl's just un-fucking-believable."

Taylor laughed so hard that his whole head turned red. "Oh my gosh! I'm not the only one that noticed her head?"

"Everyone does. She calls it psoriasis. I call it the need of shampoo. Bleah!"

Taylor was holding his chest, struggling to breathe through his spurts of laughter. "What about the girl, Veronica? She was chatting Aubrey. She seems like a bit of a twat."

"A what?"

"I think you guys call them fools..."

"Veronica's a nice girl if you count spitting, biting, and cussing at people nice. She's the preacher's daughter and a demon child. Veronica thinks she's such a sweet girl and really tries to play that off in front of guys but she isn't. Veronica's a mean, self-absorbed bitch."

"So she's a git."

"Please speak English."

"I am..." Taylor smiled at me and put his arm around my neck. Okay, fine. I'll go with it. "You're a nice girl."

I bit my tongue hard to not laugh at the irony of that. Taylor was asking me to badmouth people then said I was a nice girl. "Is nice British for something awful?" I asked him.

"No. It means nice just like it does here."

"HEY!" a loud voice called. We were near the park. Shit. I looked over at Harry Thomas, Kevin's best friend. He was holding a basketball under his muscular arm and looking right at us. "Hey kid! I need to ask you something."

We needed to run, now. I wanted to turn and sprint as quickly as my short, stubby legs would allow me but Taylor's arm was around my neck so I was stuck. Taylor stood bravely as Harry came over to us. "Hey dude. I'm Harry. Me and the guys were wondering it you wanted to play some ball with us?"

"Sure. I haven't played in a while so I might be slow at first."

We followed Harry to the court. His little brother, Damon, and Sage Kingsley were playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. Jerry Tomlin was on the ground looking at the clouds nonchalantly. Kevin was stretching over by the water fountains. The awkwardness began to set in. Taylor didn't seem to realize. "Do you want to play?" he asked.

"I only watch the NBA because there are tall men in there and i's cool to see them dunk it," I admitted. "I'll just watch."

"I can't dunk but I will break my leg again trying just to impress you," Taylor said, making me blush. Did he like me? Really? "Alright the game's starting.."

"Alright," I said. Kevin was looking at me. Shit! "I'll be on the swings."

As soon as Taylor had his back turned, I sprinted with a whole-hearted effort over to the swings. It was still a little soggy from last night but I would manage. I sat on the swing and attempted to propel myself. The toes of my Converse sunk into the deep mud. I looked over at the court. They were playing Shirts vs. Skins. Just to spite me, I bet. Taylor, Damon, and Sage were shirtless. I tried not to seem like a creepy pedophile as I watched the game. Most people would argue that just because Sage and Damon were a year younger than me didn't make me a pedophile but I have morals and watching slightly nude dudes that were younger than me felt like it was hitting my morals with a bloody axe.

I watched as they ran up and back. The game had just started but there was already sweat droplets making their way down their pecs to their pants. Harry's back already looked as if he'd backed into the Niagara Falls by accident. It looked like Jerry had pissed his pants even though he was twelve and insisted that twelve year olds don't to that anymore. I glanced at Kevin, saw him gazing at me, and saw a pebble that seemed much more interesting. Would he quit it? I could've sworn he was done with me so why does he keep staring? I made another sad attempt to swing, got stuck again, and looked back over at the court.

Sage was dribbling. He was doing tons of fancy unnecessary crap like dribbling between his legs and faking shots. He passed it to Damon, who was practically being hugged by Jerry. I could tell there were high tensions since Damon kept shoving Jerry backward so that they didn't appear to be hugging. Meanwhile, Taylor came up and set a pick, which means that he stood super still like a wall so that the defender ran into them (thanks Dad), and Damon rolled around them and went for a lay-up. The net did an awesome jellyfish effect and the ball fell out. Taylor hit the ground and suddenly the whole game was cancelled.

It always amuses me how quickly guys get mad. They're like a Coke bottle. You shake it, try to release the tension, get a huge explosion, and then sweet relief. At first, Taylor just stood up and brushed it off like it was nothing. Then, Damon got mad and started yelling at Jerry. Jerry, who wasn't willing to back down, pushed Damon. The other guys tried to talk them down but Damon just pushed Jerry so hard that he fell onto the pavement. Then, like his Spidey senses were tingling, Elliot came as if to fuel the fight. Then, next thing I knew, Damon and Jerry went from preparing to punch each other in the face to laughing and shaking hands.

Maybe their testosterone just evens out quicker than girls because we get mad at each other and don't speak to that bitch ever again. Not even on their death beds will we make amends. When my paternal grandma died, my Aunt Glenda came to the funeral and said, "Told ya you were going first," and then left. Just like that. They's been in a feud for years and didn't even know why. Nana had told me that all she knew was that she hated that bitch and that was the end of the damn story. It wouldn't even surprise me if Aunt Glenda still went back to Nana's grave every year, spit on it, and danced on the plot like she was young and had her original hips even though she had no idea why they were fighting.

Eventually, the game was over. Taylor walked over to me and the other guys began to shoot around and chase after the one with the ball and smack it and all types of weird shit. "Alright, we're done," he announced.

"How's your arm?" I asked. It was beginnning to bruise. "Do I have to kick Jerry's ass?"

Taylor laughed, shook his head no, and put his arm around my waist. At least he was courteous. Kevin would play all day, see me, and put his arm around my neck like he was trying to kill me. "Did you ever get the swing to work?"

I blushed. Was he watching me? "What?"

"I asked if you ever got the swing to work. You seemed to be having a hard time there."

"I was distracted."

"By?"

"The fact that some asshole had pushed you," I said. THAT wasn't what had distracted me. What had distracted me was giving Taylor a death stare like I have never seen. "Can we go now?"

"Why? We just got here." Before I could think of a good reason why besides the truth, the clouds gave a terrifying roar that shook the ground. Taylor looked up at the darkening clouds and over at the court. The guys were slowly beginning to walk home. "Come on, we can walk with them."

Before I could object, Taylor and I (unfortunately) began walking towards Kevin and his friends. Kevin saw me and Taylor and smiled. "Sweet moves bro," he said and he and Taylor had this weird guy moments where they did spirit fingers and made ape noises. "Where you learn that?"

"Had one of my friends teach me while we were living in Madrid. I was getting tired of all the guys at school beating me."

"Madrid? Is that in Florida?" Kevin asked.

"No stupid," I said. "It's in Spain."

"Well, well, well. Look who's speaking?" Kevin said. He grinned slyly although I could see the happiness in his blue eyes. "You enjoying our new friend?"

"More than you will ever know," I said to him.

"You're pretty much dating, huh?" Kevin's sarcasm made me ball my fists in fury.

Jerry and Damon noticed that I was about to beat the crap out of their friend and stepped in easily. "So, you lived in Madrid? That had to be cool!"

"Maybe if I were good in Spanish. My mum didn't tell me that English wasn't the first language for Spain. Like in France, you could get away with not knowing French because a lot of people spoke English but in Spain, there were a lot less English speakers in my classes and stuff so I always ended up looking like a moron for not knowing anything."

"Dude, I could teach you," Jerry said. "My mom's from Spain. You could come over my house sometime and ask her. My mom don't mind. I have people over all the time and all she does is come in, tell me to clean this shit up and go do whatever, unplug the game, and say hi to my friends."

Damon and Sage nodded. "Every time. Dude, did you ever take out the trash?"

"Nope. She's going to come home and say the whole house smells like shit, I'm a disgusting pig, and she's telling Dad when he gets home. Then he gets home, looks at me, looks at the trash and takes it out. Easy."

"You are awful to your mum," Taylor said.

"Don't do that annoying speech about how I need to take responsibility and try harder because she's all I got, we're family, blah blah blah. I have three older brothers, an older sister, and a younger sister. Surely one of them can be of assistance."

"I wasn't going to say that," Taylor said. "I was just going to say my mom will beat my ass if I ever try that."

"I'm saying," Sage said. "I tried that and my mom went outside, brought in a huge branch, and beat the shit out of me."

"Dude, that's nothing," I said. "One time, my mom came in at three o'clock in the morning with a belt on a Monday and beat my ass because I didn't put the food up and she saw a stinkbug and thought it was a roach."

All the guys started laughing. We were nearing my house. The rain had already come and it was beginning to sprinkle. We had approximately ten seconds to get inside before it got heavier. "Alright, we'll see you later," Taylor said.

"Bye," Damon said. "Don't let him get a home run in the first inning, Sammy." (It was better than Samantha but Damon was the only one allowed to call me that.)

"Alright. Bye you guys."

"Shall we run?" Taylor asked. I nodded and we sprinted to my house as the rain began to fall.

"So... We do we do now?" Taylor asked before he bit into a Granny Smith apple, one of the few healthy things in our fridge.

"We could play a game," I suggested as I bit into a Cheeto Puff. Health food's overrated crap. "I have tons that my best friend and I made up."

Taylor shrugged. "None of them have to do with excessive touching or kissing or anything right?"

"No. Never."

"Alright. Where are they? I'll go get one."

Yeah right! My room was girly and pink since I didn't believe in redecorating until that very second. There were clothes, clean and dirty, littering my floor and papers all over my desk with beautiful 58s marked in cute red glitter pen. There were also shoes everywhere and probably a mutant PB&J that my mom had made two days ago. Plus, I'm pretty sure I left my Mickey Mouse robe on the ground along with some questionable underwear right in front of the door. Despite this, I said, "Upstairs, third door down. The one where the tree branch is practically at the window sill. It's on my desk."

Taylor smiled and walked up the stairs. Each of his heavy footsteps pounded like my heart. What would he think when he went in and smelled the unbearable stench of my years of dirty laundry? Saw all of the fifties and lower I'd received on tests? All the cartoon based clothes I had lying around? That awful maid's costume I'd worn for Halloween last year with the annoying chain necklace that Kevin used to keep up with me? Our neighborhood was a superstitious nightmare but they still let us enjoy candy in odd costumes.

It was a little while before Taylor came down. I had practically died of boredom when Taylor returned with my favorite game, "Whatcha Hiding?" which was basically like Truth or Dare without the dare part. Taylor sat the tailor made box of cardboard and scribbles on the table and opened the box. There were still the sixty-seven cards Chloe and I had drafted in pink pen with our "cool" cursive writing and her dad had laminated so we would stop ripping them. It brought back sweet memories and a mildewy smell that almost brought tears to my eyes. Taylor pulled out the cards and the whiteboard and then set the box on the table along with the paper clip.

"How do we play?" Taylor asked as he wrote our names on the scoreboard.

"You put the cards upside down. So the side with Whatcha Hiding? on it. Then, the first one picks a card, shows it to the other person, and the person has to answer. Every time you pass, the other person gets a point. The one that answers the most questions wins."

"What types of questions are there?" Taylor asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You'll see," I said seductively. Taylor smiled creepily and I giggled. "Dude we are ten when we made this game! Don't be so weird!"

Taylor smiled at me and I felt my heart kick my sternum. This was going to be a long, embarrassing game. I shuffled the cards poorly and set them on the dining room table. Taylor turned on the lights. "Newbies first."

Taylor picked up the first card. "Worst first date."

I blushed. It was kinda bad. "I had to date my best friend's little cousin, Karson, because he was alone during prom."

"What happened?"

"So, we get to the school and the decor is awesome but the theme was France at une Distance and I hadn't been informed. So, I'm standing there in a blue silk dress that I can barely walk in. It's really pretty though. So then, his friends were calling me cougar the whole night since the guy's two years younger than me. And they talked about sex the entire night. Then, to top that all off, when he walked me home, he touched my butt and tried to kiss me. I was sick that whole week and it's all my friend's fault."

Taylor was laughing so hard he was red. "Oh my God, that's bad. You get two points for the two questions."

I picked a card up and smiled slyly at him. "Worst advice you've ever been told and used."

Taylor began to laugh again. "Okay, My great-grandpa told me these awful stories about the war and said the best way to avoid to being killed is to hide in the bathroom. He forgot to mention that he was in the latrines for most of the war. So, I'd gotten in trouble for fighting this kid on the base because he was annoying. My mom had said she was going to kill me when she got home. So, I instinctively locked myself in the bathroom. It took two hours of coaxing for me to come out and they still beat my ass."

I laughed and marked Taylor's point. "Who would replace your sibling with and why?" Taylor read.

"I'd replace Violet with Tess because she is so much nicer and she isn't a total bitch about everything I do. I mean in the beginning, Violet was awesome but..." Our front door opened and Junie, Amber, and Violet walked in. The smell of weed and rum wafted into the kitchen. Amber was laughing like a banshee and Junie was stumbling like the crazy drunk she was. Violet came into the kitchen saw Taylor and glared at me. "What?"

"I'm wet and tripping all over the place and you can't even help me?" Violet shouted, dramatically gripping the refrigerator door handle like she'd fall without it.

"It's not my fault you're a crazy, skinny, drunk bitch!" I yelled loud enough that anyone in Monroe could hear it through the wide open door.

Taylor looked awkwardly at me and Violet. Violet raised her hand to smack me but then lowered it and went into the spoon drawer. She threw out a bunch of spoons until the pulled two little packages. She offered me one. I took it in my thumb and forefinger. I stared at it and, twenty seconds later, dropped it. "EWW!!! WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED A CONDOM FOR???"

"Because I want to be an aunt as much as you do," Violet said. She slid the Trojan Double Ecstasy over to Taylor. "Don't knock up my baby sister or I'll kick your ass."

Violet stumbled back over to her friends and they all held each other as they trudged through soggy grass in their foot-high stilettos and their short dresses. Their high-pitched laughter echoed though the house. I shut the door and pulled out a card for Taylor. "Who's your best friend in this town outside of your family and why?"

Taylor turned red. "Does Tehra count?"

"No."

"Then I pass..." Taylor said. I gave myself two points as he picked a new card for me. "Who in this town do you admire most and why?"

"I admire Rayven most because she has the craziest aunt in the world yet somehow she can smile and be herself. Plus, she's the only one who will cuss someone out and not give a damn and I respect that."

"Cursing is most disgusting when it comes from the lips of a woman," Taylor quoted as he gave me my points. "You are too pretty to curse."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Who would consider the worst friend to have and why?"

"That guy, Kevin, because he seems like a jerk. Especially to you." I marked down his two points and readied myself for the next card. "Who would you kiss under the bleachers and why?"

"Skip!" I said. I drew another card, caught Taylor staring at me, and blushed. "Who was your first love and what happened?"

"Perrie Montague. She was beautiful and smart and cute but I had to move to Madrid. Plus, she kissed my best friend on my last day. When she saw me, she giggled and said 'I thought you were in Spain...'"

I marked the two points and Taylor pulled a card. "Have you had your first kiss and with who? I thought this was your best friend. Wouldn't she know?"

"I wouldn't tell her so she made a new card and she was beating me by a point and it was the last card so I had to tell her."

"So... Who was it?"

"I'm not telling you. Plus, I'm winning so skipping doesn't matter."

Taylor shrugged. "If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine. And it's embarrassing."

Embarrassing equals funny. Always. "That annoying guy, Kevin, was my first kiss. We were at a high school party and he was smoking. I wasn't because I didn't want to and he was like, 'come on, let's do it babe. It will be fun.' But I said no so he said he would 'breath it in my mouth' and I still said no so he kissed me and I didn't like it so I left."

"Mine is worse. So, I'm in Perth..."

"Where's that?"

"Australia. It's really pretty. I'll take you one day. Anyways, I'm in Perth and my parents are checking out a hotel. There's this cute girl sitting on the bench. I was bored so I tried to talk to her. She said she only talked to people that she kissed. So, I shrugged. She said for to close my eyes and prepare to be kissed. Somehow, I went from kissing a girl to kissing a rat. The thing squealed and clawed my face... I had scratches on my face on the first day of school. I still don't think I've ever gotten along with Liza after that."

"So we've both had awful kisses before?"

"I guess so..."

It was a perfect kiss moment until... "Is it supposed to do that?" I asked him.

"Is what... WHAT!?!" Taylor had a boner. It was very hard not to laugh... so I laughed. "I... I... I think my mom's calling me. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!!!" Taylor sprinted out of the front door and I began to cry from laughing so hard.

----------------------------------------------------------An hour later------------------------------------------------------------

I was sitting on my tire swing, waiting for Mom to come home. I had been talking to Chloe when Mom called to ruin it by saying she had some good news. If she had a new casserole dish to experiment on us with, I was running away and never coming back. Violet had come home again shortly after Taylor had ran away. She had somehow sobered up in the last ten minutes I'd seen her, redid her make up, and changed into one of the "appropriate" things Junie had in her closet. She was "watching me" from her window, with her eyes occasionally drifting from the street to me.

It was still very wet, which was where I had chosen to stay outside purpose. No matter what I said or did, Violet wouldn't run over to get me even with her shoes in those ugly yellow rain boots. So, she could only watch me and glare while I lazily propelled myself in pathetic two-foot intervals. The humid air had once again taken control of my hair molecules and turned my perfect ponytail into a droopy mess of brown vines that hung limply from my head. Think Medusa with all of her snakes dead, shriveled, and brown. I had gotten mud on my pants and was starting to wonder if hiding was really necessary to hide from Violet. It wasn't like she was super strong. Strong for an anorexic bitch but that's still not very strong. I sighed, slumped against the ropes of my rope swing, and watched the cars go by.

Mom's station wagon pulled into the driveway in about five minutes, which felt more like a year and a half. She got out wearing more embarrassing attire. She was wearing these awful yellow-splotched overalls with red sandals and a blue shirt underneath. Her hair was pinned back with a purple headband and she carried her puke green purse with pride. My mother was the only woman who could look like she was in the firing range of a sick rainbow and still hold her head held high. I watched her walk towards the house, followed by Matt who was much more interested in making a print in every puddle there was than making it inside.

"Matty! Come on! You too, Samantha! I have big news!" Mom was carrying a brown sack of groceries. This could not be good. I unwillingly followed my brother inside.

Violet had somehow managed to teleport from her room to in front of the big box television we had in the living room. Rachel Ray was on. Fuck. Now Mom would remember that we had to eat dinner. Since she couldn't run now, Violet also came in the kitchen. Mom set the groceries on the table and turned to face the three of us. "Guess who called?"

"Poison Control to tell you you should never cook ever ever again?" Violet guessed hopefully.

Mom glared at her. "No. Your father!"

My heart sank to the basement we didn't have. My dad was as deadbeat as you could get. He was the only man I knew that was pissed to pay child support on children he didn't even like... oh and Matt. He swore we needed to get to know our "siblings" aka Jenny's pets that came from her vaginal region. I hated my dad, my step-mom, my "siblings", and those little twerps that were unfortunate enough to get looks from both my dad and Jenny. I could feel my heart create an earthquake.

"What did he say?" Violet asked. "Did he ask for a DNA test finally so we can get a new dad that wants us?"

"No. He wants to see you. You guys leave tomorrow so get packing."

Mom turned away to put the food in a blender. Violet and I stood dumbfounded while my younger brother danced around like a crazy person. He was lucky. Daddy only wants boys. Meanwhile, Violet and I began to blabber tons of random excuses and "that's so not fair!"s at my mother but she just silenced us with a hand. "You are going. Tomorrow. So get your shit in a suitcase because I don't give a shit what you say. If that man won't pay me the money he owes for denying you two, he will at least have the courtesy to see you one week out of every month for every year until you are eighteen. Be sure to tell him and Jenny that they can go to Hell and I will see you two at dinner. Go. Now."

I guess there was no point in arguing. I held my reddening cheek, threw a bunch of shit in my stupid pink suitcase that I've had since Daddy Dearest bought it when I was seven, and called Chloe and ranted for a few hours. Life sucks.

So, the next day, I was awoken by a hailstorm of shorts, tank tops, make-up bottles, and underwear. Junie and Amber were accompanying us in the less than an hour drive to Atlanta. Mom didn't care who took us. We could've been being driven to Atlanta by Charlotte and her dealer. As long as we got to Atlanta and were out of her hair for a week, Mom was unconcerned with anything else. She would let Violet make Matt and me walk in the pouring rain to get away from us.

"Wake up!" Junie yelled at me. She shook me violently until I fell off of the bed. "Come on! Vi went to get gas and we are leaving in seven minutes."

I hated Junie with a passion. Junie was Violet's best friend that was from New Jersey. Aside from her stupid accent, she also looked pretty much perfect. She had long beach blonde hair that she was born with and pretty hazel eyes. She was 5'10 and walked perfectly in any height stilettos. I hated Junie for none of these though. I hated her because my sister, the oldest, trusted her best friend's advice on how to deal with children. Junie was an only child. At least Amber knew the dos and don'ts of siblings. She had seven of them that her parents had adopted. But no. Out of all of the people she could listen to in this town, my sister chose to listen to her siblingless best friend and I hated both of them for it.

I sat up groggily. I was smart enough to get in the shower the night before and I was already dressed. I was wearing my Mickey Mouse t-shirt, where he was giving Minnie a big kiss on the cheek and Lee's that were super comfortable. I sat up, sunk my socked feet in my blue Nike's, and rubbed my eyes. Junie looked at me and laughed. "Gross. Mickey Mouse t-shirt? Lee's jeans? Nike's? So nineties. Laaame!"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you have somewhere to be? Some little puppy to stuff in your purse or a T-shirt to snip to unreasonably tiny lengths?" I asked as I slathered deodorant on my armpits.

Junie grunted at me and rolled her eyes. "Just be in the car when it starts moving. I'm not missing seeing your hot brothers."

I rolled my eyes, pushed her out of my room, and went to brush my teeth. I hated my "siblings" almost as much as I hated Junie and Violet's habits. I scrubbed my teeth angrily, occasionally spitting out bloody foam. I washed my face and then looked in the mirror. There was pretty much no point in doing anything with my stupid limp brown hair since it would just be frazzled and damp by the time we made it to Atlanta. Still, I ran my brush through my hair until it was smooth so I could pull it into a ponytail. When I was finished, I looked at myself in the mirror. It was good enough, I guess.

I heard Vi honk from outside. I had to get this over with. I grabbed my suitcase from my room and followed Matt, Amber, and Junie downstairs. It was already muggy and unbearably hot. Great. Junie piled us in the car, forcing poor, spineless Amber to sit in between Matt and me. Junie decided she was driving and Vi was navigator. So, with Rihanna blaring in our ears and Junie's foot on the gas, we were out on another adventure.

It was a whole five minutes before I was annoyed. That had to be a new record. Junie started to blab about her "boyfriend," Ray Grimsby, who lives in Atlanta and has been arrested twice for weed possession. Of course, Violet had to top her by talking about Brian Harlston, this disgusting prick who'd been hounding my sister for three years. Violet did something to make him go away but she never wants to talk about it so it couldn't have been good. Amber, the only one with a real boyfriend who wasn't a total pig, opted to stay quiet. Even though I liked Amber, I could never respect her. She never spoke out when Junie was around and fear never got anyone anywhere.

When we pulled into Dad's driveway, I was so tired of men and my sister's friend that I ran to the door. I pressed the doorbell anxiously trying to get away from my siblings. My older stepbrother, Lloyd, opened the door. He smiled at me deviously and blocked the door with his fatness. "Well, well, well. Look who it is. If it isn't little Samantha. How have you been?"

"Move, Lloyd," I said through gritted teeth.

Lloyd just smiled, showing his yellow teeth. I was about to punch him in the nose when I felt Matt hold my hand and Junie's hot breathe getting closer and closer to my neck. Soon, she was right next to me with her long arm rested on my head and her teeth gleaming at Lloyd. "Hi there, baby doll. I see the twerp's brought a cutie along."

I groaned and led Matt past my fat ass brother, pushing him as we went through. Jenny was waiting inside for us. She looked sort of like how Gwen Stefani would look if she'd ever let herself get fat, wrinkly, and forgot her ability to do lipstick. Jenny was sitting on the couch nursing my twin brothers, Max and Dax (because normal names were too hard to come up with). She saw us and smiled. "Hi, Matthew. Hey... um... Serena?"

I rolled my eyes. That bitch knew my name. She named my little brother, Sammy, after me. I held my brother still so he wouldn't try to hug Jenny and catch one of her many STDs. "Where are we sleeping?" I asked.

"Didn't your father tell you?"

"Uh no or I would just go there and go to sleep. Where's my bed?"

"Well, my Lauren is sleeping in there right now. She already has to share it Lesley and Leila. So, you will be in a hotel."

"What? All my stuff is there. They can stay in a fucking hotel. I want my bed."

"Don't use that language to your mother," I heard my dad say.

"She isn't my mom!" I yelled at him.

My dad, the biggest deadbeat in the world, came over to me. "In this house, she is whoever I say she is and she is your mother."

"Fuck you!" I yelled at him impulsively. "Why didn't you fucking tell me we had to stay a damn hotel! I would've packed more carefully!"

"Do you really want to stay here with all of these people? There are twelve people here and you three are last. It's first come, first served in this house and you came last!" My father and I were nose to nose now. The stale cigarettes on his breathe was nauseating. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Matt's tiny hand fishing for Dad's wallet. He knew the routine well. He'd swiped Jenny's from her purse as soon as we came in. "Now here's twenty bucks. Go find yourself a hotel."

I snatched the bill from my dad and sweetly told Matt to go back to the car and tell Violet we had to get a hotel room. He smiled and nodded. The cards were already in his pockets. Then, I went into my room. The baby blue walls had been repainted hot pink and my bed was occupied by a sleeping five year old. I felt so bad for my bed. It should be laid on by me and me only. I was going to get back at that snot-nosed brat since I had to be with her for a whole week. Lauren looked up and me and smiled.

"Want your bed back? Because I'm not moving!" she laughed. "Do anything to me and Mommy will make you pay."

"So? Is that supposed to scare me?"

Lauren stuck her tongue out at me. As soon as her eyes were close, I swiftly kicked her off of the bed in one swift motion. She went tumbling to the ground along with all of my sheets and the pillow. I laughed and jumped onto my bed. Lauren hit the floor hard and began to cry. Fuck her. I laid on my bed happily until Jenny came in hollering, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY!?!?!" 

"Just make her shut up and gone somewhere. You're being annoying."

"HER NOSE IS BLEEDING!!!" Jenny screamed.

"So? That's not my problem, now is it?" I asked. "You're the parent. You do something."

Jenny screamed annoyingly for my father. He came in yelling and tried to hit me with his large, muscular hands. He was big yet slow. As he came in to hit me, I rolled off of the bed like I was in some awesome Bruce Lee movie. I hit the ground and dove out of me window like a boss, landing in the sharp rosebushes below. Junie pulled around and I hopped into her mom's minivan. We sped off with Jenny and Dumb Father yelling distinctively in the background. I sat on one of the seat and pulled my seat belt on.

"Did you get his credit card?" Violet asked when we were down the road.

"Of course." Matt said proudly. He handed her the cards out of instinct.

Now before you go on about that stealing's wrong and that he's my dad and I have no reason to steal from him bullshit, let me take you into the journey of a lifetime. Imagine there's this man who is basically a sperm donor to you. He never calls. He never writes. And he sees you one week out of every month because he doesn't want to pay your mother child support. And then, on top of that, he badmouths your mother and gives your room to his wife's children because they are "conveniently" staying there too. Now, do you want to steal his credit card? Exactly. That's why we did it.

Le Meridien Atlanta Perimeter was beautiful. There was a huge office-like room that served as a lobby. There were comfy chairs and people everywhere. I plopped down in a soft brown chair and rested my feet on an end table. The view from the window was stunning There was a beautiful pool outside with tennis courts adjacent to them. The place smelled like pomegranates, my favorite fruit. Violet beckoned for me with a long pointer finger. "Behave until there's no one around," she reminded me. This was one of the few times I loved Vi.

The lady at the check-in counter smiled at us. "Do you have a reservation?"

"Yes. We are with the Revis party. They have booked two extra rooms," Amber said confidently. She was an expert at lying. She had gotten free meals, rooms, and other awesome stuff with her lying ability "I think this will cover it. Daddy wants us to take as much as we need."

The woman looked at Amber with a smile. I guess it wasn't weird to see kids drift into the lobby of the hotel because she handed over the keys with no effort. "I hope you five have an excellent stay. Enjoy the suites. I hope they are suitable for you."

We nodded. I picked up Matt and we all headed for the elevators, which were even more amazing. We went to the top floor and I took Matt to our room. Violet, Junie, and Amber had the room across the hall. Violet kissed my head. "Be awful. Very very awful. I want period blood all over the sheets, broken TVs, and beds so dirty you wouldn't know they were white, and a huge hole in Daddy's wallet. He's going to pay."

I nodded dutifully and I unlocked the door. I couldn't even walk in at first because I was so mesmerized by the beauty. The room was gorgeous. The beds were huge and elegantly made with huge, poofy, white sheets. There was a flat screen and even a fruit basket. I set Matt down on the floor so he could run around all the little crazy munchkin he was and jumped on one of the bed, not bothering to take off my shoes. I landed on a cloud of fluffiness. This was what I was talking about. Just fucking amazing.

Matt ran over to me, frantically trying to tell me about his survey of the room. His eyes were wide and his mouth was moving faster than I could think. "They have pretty soap! It's white! And TVs, Sammy! They gots big big TVs! Clouds for beds, Sammy!!! I gots a cloud for my bed! Sammy! Sammy! It's awesome!" Matt plopped on the bed with a huge grin on his face. "Can I watch TV?"

"We're on vacation, Matty. Do whatever you want. You can jump on the bed, order room service, watch anything you want. There's no one here to tell you no."

Matt grabbed the remote in his grubby hands and plopped on his bed. He didn't even bother to take off his shoes. I heard the TV click on then the automated laughter of a stupid sitcom. Matt wasn't hesitant to turn on SpongeBob, Mom's worst fear. Since most of the characters are greedy or idolize the Krabby Patty and King Neptune, I've only seen SpongeBob once and Mom took me straight to church as soon as the episode was over. I have never been so vigorously bathed in holy water in my entire life.

I tilted my head up slowly to see the picture. Spongebob and the cute pink thing were frolicking around Jellyfish Fields. They were't really doing much so I laid back on the bed, kicking my shoes off and not even bothering to see if they'd made it to the floor. My thoughts were racing. What was Taylor doing right now? Was he still mad because of me laughing at his boner? Would be be angry for me not telling him that I was leaving? I hoped he stayed inside for the next week. There were a lot of awful things Kevin and Mandy could say about me that could make him not like me as much.

I sighed and fought desperately to block these thoughts but they only became stronger. I couldn't get Kevin out of my mind either. He and his stupid sisters had been slandering my name all over town, calling me a slut and a bunch of other hurtful, awful things. Taylor said he didn't like them but I knew he'd fascinated everyone so much that they would end up together anyway. What if I came back and they were best friends and they'd told each other everything? That's how best friends are. Speaking of, Chloe and I hadn't spoke for a while. I was going to call last night but all of the packing had stopped me.

I looked around for the telephone and punched in Chloe's phone number. It rang only once until the loud voice of Holly overpowered the soft ringing "Hello? Who is this?"

"Hey Holly. Is Chloe there?"

"She's bonding with her family."

Just put her on the goddamn phone. We both know she doesn't want to be there. "Can't she come chat for a second?"

"Alright fine."

I heard the phone transition and Chloe patching in on the phone in her rented room. "WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED? I'VE BEEN IN HELL!"

"Touche. Guess where I am?"

"In Monroe with the cutie next door's lips on your neck."

"I wish. But no. I'm in Le Meridien Atlanta Perimeter." I drew the words out elegantly but my French was never good.

"WHAT! I'm in The Wicked Witch of the West's old bedroom and you are in some fancy hotel! How did you manage that?"

"I'm staying with Daddy Dearest. He's buying."

"How did you really get there?"

"My daddy's credit card. How else? You know he wouldn't authorize this at all."

"I thought you had a room there."

"Jenny's dozen are staying there and somehow those brats supersede his own children. So, we are treating ourselves. Amber and Junie are here too but that's fine. Just means Vi's going to be so busy puking and acting cute to get some that she won't even notice Matt and me."

"Is Lachlan there?" Chloe asked happily. Lachlan was my favorite of Jenny's crack babies because he was pretty much never around and he was gorgeous. My BFF swore she would hit that if he weren't a whole five years older than us. "Because if he is, you are the luckiest little thing in the world!"

"I dunno. I just saw Lauren and Lloyd. Supposedly, Lesley and Leila are there too."

"I love Lesley! Tell her I said hi!" Chloe squealed. I loved Lesley too because she was the least melodramatic in that house. Plus, she also was forced to be there and she always seemed to have cooler things to do. But, even though I was older and she thought older people were lame, she let me tag along with her and her friends all the time.

"I will. I have to go tomorrow for a family day with Jenny and those brats." I rolled my eyes. "Pray for their survival."

"I have to go to a photo shoot with a whiny three month old baby that hates everyone. Pray for my survival."

"Oh... Did I tell you what happened yesterday?"

"Uh... no. What happened?"

"So, I went to take those pictures that I sent you. But your room is owned by a girl named Aubrey and she's Taylor's sister. She chased me and I ended up seeing Taylor. He like held my hand and we walked to the library and the park. He played with Harry, Damon, Sage, Kevin, Jerry, and Elliott. So, he was walking with me and we want back to my house and we played a game and he got a boner."

I could hear Chloe's screeching banshee laughter loudly in my ear. "Oh my God, that's funny! You gave him a boner! You turn him on!"

"Shut up," I said. My cheeks were getting hot. I hoped I didn't turn him on. When Kevin got turned on, we had long, weird conversations about sex and starting a family. "He doesn't like me."

"Who doesn't like you?" Matt asked. I had forgotten he was there.

"Never mind. Just watch TV."

"But I'm bored!"

"So buy a movie."

"But I'm broke!"

"Just pick a movie, watch it, and let me worry about the cost."

"Okay."

I tuned back in on Chloe having this long, intricate conversation with my left ear. "If he didn't like you, why would Captain Winky be trying to get to know you better?"

"I don't know! Maybe he's just friendly."

"Taylor or Captain Winky?"

"CAPTAIN WINKY!"

"Who are you talking to?" Matt asked. He sounded worried.

"Chloe. What's wrong? Are you hungry?" Matt nodded and I put he receiver back up to my mouth. "I have to order room service for Matty and me. I'll call you later."

"CALL MR. WINKY!" Chloe shouted between sobs of laughter. "YOU GUYS ARE FRIENDS!!!"

"Shut up." I said as I pressed the button to hang up. Then, I punched the number to order room service.

"Hello. What would you like to order?" the voice on the other line asked cheerfully. It reminded me of the Spanish teacher at school.

"I would like eggs Benedict with a side of maple sausage cooked and hard and a..."

"I want pancakes!"

"Order pancakes made without milk with extra syrup, a side of scrambled eggs with no cheese, and bacon. I'm in room 452B and yes, I would like you add it to the bill."

"Alright, I will have that sent to you shortly."

"Thank you." I put the phone back on the home thingie and reclined on the bed. Matt sat next to me and we watched the beaver boy and the pink-haired fairy have a conversation about responsibility.

"I like this show," Matt proclaimed.

"You've seen it before?"

"Yeah. Angie plays it all the time. She lets me change the channel when everyone else takes naps because I'm too big for naps."

I knew that was lie. Matt was the worst nap taker in the world because he refused to lay down peacefully and close his eyes and drift into sleepy land. Matt had never needed naps anyway. He was mellow the whole day and was only cranky after nine o'clock at night. "What's the show about?" I asked.

"Timmy is the godchild of Cosmo and Wanda. They give him whatever he wants but they have rules and regalations. Timmy normally does bad stuffs and has to fix it."

"And that's the moral?"

"Sure."

We watched the whole episode and half of the next one when I heard the knock on the door. I opened the door for a delicious smelling cart to be rolled in. My eggs Benedict were cooked to perfection and had a bunch of frilly garnish on it. Matt's food had also been dapped up with little stalks of parsley and ketchup encircling the plate. The man rolling the cart set the food on the table in the front of our suite and I handed him a five dollar bill. He left and we took our plates to our beds.

The eggs Benedict was so good, it practically melted in my mouth. Once I had taken a bite, I couldn't stop. I ate the whole thing in approximately eighteen seconds, sausage included. My brother at his food half as fast. As soon as we were done, I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to see Violet, Junie, and Amber standing at the door. "Come on. Dad wants us to explore the city and come over at five when he gets off."

"So?"

"So let's go trash Atlanta!" Amber exclaimed.

We burst out of the hotel into the steamy heat of the city. It was almost noon and we had six hours to scare the shit out of every man, woman, and child in Atlanta and still get to Dad's house in one piece. I held Matt's hand as we started towards Junie's mom's car. Or at least where she had parked it. There was a tow truck right next to the parking space and Junie's mom's car was being pulled onto it. Junie and Violet ran over to the tow truck operator, half tripping over their stilettos and yelling the whole way.

"Hey!" Junie yelled. "That's my car!"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the man said. "I was given orders to tow it."

"Well, can't you just... give me a warning and let us off the hook?" Junie asked using her best I wanna sleep with you voice.

"No, I've got two jobs, a wife, and three kids. I can't do that for you. I'm sorry."

Junie looked as if she was about to have a heart attack. Mrs. Hartley clearly didn't believe in beating a child, but Junie had a lot of stuff that she could get taken away. I mean cool stuff too. She was the only one with her own car, a laptop, and her own TV. I guess the man had a heart because he gave us directions to a place where we could rent a car for a week and also handed her the address for where her mom's minivan was being impounded. Then, the man got into the tow truck and drove Junie's mom's car down the road.

Junie stood dumbfounded, staring at the parking space where her mom's minivan once sat. then, just as fast as her mom's car was driven away, her sly smile reappeared. "You guys ever ridden in a Ferrari?" Violet and I shook our heads no. "Do you want to?"

If Dad wasn't such an asshole, I might've stopped Violet and Junie from making any rash decisions. But, next thing I knew, Matt was riding on my back as we walked to a car dealership down the street and  around the corner from the hotel. No one even seemed surprised that five kids were walking down the street. I guess it was normal in Atlanta to have wanderers because in Monroe, especially in Walston County, a wandering kid was the product of an irresponsible parents.

We walked into a car dealership, called Evolution Auto Sales. It was cool in there and they had chairs. Two great things. I let my brother down and we leaped onto the chairs. Amber sat on one of the chairs as well, stretching her legs. She looked at me and smiled, "This is going to be fun, huh?" I nodded. "I wish we were getting a motorcycle, honestly. Carmen's boyfriend lets me ride his all the time. It's a Harley."

"You know how to ride a motorcycle?" I said. I could feel my eyebrow arching.

"Of course I do. My Uncle Irving has his own Harley Davidson dealership. I've been riding since I was four years old. I broke my skull, my ankle, my wrist, and three of my ribs on the first ride. It was so cool!"

My mouth dropped. Safe little Amber knew how to ride? "Come on. They got the car."

I grabbed Matt, who was jumping from chair to chair, and we went into the dealership. The man with the blue vest handed Violet Dad's credit card and happily showcased the Ferrari. It was silver with suicide doors. The license plates said BADGURL on them and the seats were real leather. Matt and I jumped in the backseat. Junie shook the guys hand and she and Violet got in the front. Amber let Matt sit on her lap and we were off.

As soon as we were off the lot, the top went down and music came blaring through the speaker system. Miley Cyrus's Wrecking Ball was still on the radio after like four months. Typical. We went from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds. My sister had found some cool shades in the glove compartment and there was some AXE under the seat. Whoever had this car before us must've thought he was the shit.

"So, what do you wanna do?" Junie asked us. She had to yell to even be heard.

"I want a splushy!" my brother shouted happily. "Can we get some?"

Junie and Violet nodded. "Yeah. I could go for a chocolate fudge splushy right now," I heard Junie say. They may have been anorexic but they'd still buy all the flavors of Splushies a store had.

Splushies are basically like a blend of frozen ice and sweet syrup. Not to be confused with snow cones, which aren't in a cup. They were best in the summertime because they melted faster and there was less of a chance you would choke on of those little evil ice chips. I loved the orange because they were very sweet and they tasted like pure awesomeness. When we were little and Violet wasn't in the habit of puking up everything, she would get green grape and I would get orange and we would sit outside at the park and drink them so fast that we would get brain freezes.

My sister's friend, who we still trusted to drive somehow, turned the small parking lot of a small Splushy Shop. She parked in the handicapped space and stopped the car. "Really?" I asked. "Have we learned nothing today?"

"What?" Junie asked.

"You got your mom's car towed because of this. You are parked in the handicapped space. We can walk. Move over."

Junie sighed and drove all the way to the back of the parking lot. "There. Was that really necessary?" Junie asked sarcastically.

"Oh shut the hell up and get out already," I told her.

The shop was full despite the empty parking lot. There were couples sharing, kids sword fighting with the straws, and friends using spoons to eat their Splushies. The woman at the counter, named Aimee, smiled politely at us. "Hi there. What can I get you all?"

"What do you have?" I asked eagerly. Splushies brought back great memories for me.

"Well, we've got strawberry swirl, green grape galore, original orange, cherry blast, bursting blue raspberry, peachy peach, mango surprise, and sweet and sour lemon."

"Will you still spike the drinks if I ask you to?"

Aimee winked. "What will it be?"

"Original orange, spiked with a dash of tequila."

Aimee nodded and wrote it down on her notepad. Junie shrugged. "I would like a half and half Splushy with Mango surprise and rum."

Aimee nodded and wrote it down. Violet ordered what Junie was having and Amber and Matty just got regular cherry Splushies. Aimee nodded and went to the back to go fix our order. Violet and Junie laughed at Amber as soon as she was gone. "Come on, Amber! Even the kid is getting alcohol. Why are you being so lame?" Junie asked.

"Say what you want. Someone sober's gotta drive and you three are going to be bouncing off the walls. But at least Vi and Sam come from a family of drinkers and can hold theirs. You'll be pissing all over the backseat in three minutes tops."

"Will not!" Junie said so loudly that all the "responsible parents" looked up from their iPhones to glare at us.

"Could you kindly shut up?" Amber asked Junie. There wasn't even a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"Whatever. At least we are cool enough to drink. You can't even look at a drink."

"I'm a leader not a follower," Amber said proudly. She took her Splushy from Aimee and handed her a five dollar bill. Aimee took it, looked at it in the light, and smiled. She handed Matt and me ours and we went outside to sit on a bench outside.

"You know these aren't spiked, right?" I said.

"Yeah, I know. Junie thinks she's so cool but she does't even know these things," Amber rolled her eyes.

"Why do you hang out with them if you don't even like them?" I asked after a while. I had finally began drinking my Splushy because too many bugs were trying to come and see what was in my cup.

"I didn't say I didn't like them. Violet's like another one of my sisters. I've known her since Pre-K and we are like sisters. You know this. And although Junie is annoying, she's my best friend and I love her as much as I love Violet. They are like my sisters and family fight. But they do some of the dumbest stuff. Like when Junie slept with Theo and thought she had herpes. That was a real treat. Dragged me out of bed and down to her house to stare at a pimple on her thigh for an hour."

"But, why do you hang out with each other?" I asked. It was hard to understand the logic behind this if it wasn't motivated by items or cool parents that let you do whatever you want.

"I just told you. They are my best friends. I mean, I've had other friends. I was devastated when Bridgette died because behind the drugs and sex, she was an awesome person and a great mother no matter what Gail says. And Tess is like my best friend even though we are sisters. Christy was always by my side too. I mean, we played together. She was the best on the soccer team but those two morons in there are my best friends somehow..." she smiled and changed the subject. "So, you and that cute little kid next door. What's up with that?"

I rolled my eyes. "Nothing happened."

"I'm a big girl. I went through that awful Human Reproduction Unit in school too. No need to sugarcoat things for little ole me."

"Nothing happened. Okay, he got a boner and I laughed and he ran out on me."

"Awww," Amber cooed. "That's so adorable."

"Doesn't your boyfriend do that?"

"Run out on me? Only if he's coming back with ice-creme or something else sweet."

"What's having a boyfriend like? I mean Kevin was a douche."

"It's fun. I mean, we aren't those annoying people that are always in each other's arms 24/7 and we aren't crazy about our parents' theory that if they stick us together at a young age, we will be together forever but... It's alright for us to still be virgins even when our friends are all like, 'You will be much happier if you do it. It enhances the love'. Like they know anything about love..." Amber smiled. "Well, we've blown all of twenty minutes and I'm bored again. I'm probably going to drive because they both still believe that they're downing rum right now. Where do you want to go?"

"The mall. There's got to be one close," I said. "I wanna use Dad's money to buy a new dress for the Fourth of July dance in the park. Looking better than everyone else is the best way to get a guy."

"That cutie next door likes you fine. The part that counts is already very intrigued by you."

I giggled. "Ugh! Where are they?"

"Puking. They ordered this huge stack of pancakes and ate the whole thing greedily. I mean. I eat a lot too but they ate like savage animals that have been starved for three years."

"That isn't possible... I wish they weren't anorexic."

"If it helps, they are technically bulimic not anorexic, but I'm with you. I mean, they are taking the easy way to get skinny and it's hurting them," Amber sounded really worried. Now that was a dedicated friend. "Plus, they keep trying to convince me that it's good. I tried it and it made me cry and feel awful. So I didn't do it anymore."

"It makes you cry?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's bad and everyone's always like, 'You are hurting yourself. You could die. You are pretty already.' All that stuff runs though your head when you are gagging yourself. Odd but true."

Violet and Junie came out minutes later. They tossed Amber the keys and slumped in the backseat. Matt climbed eagerly on Violet's lap and I sat in the front seat. Amber turned on the car and turned the radio station from annoying Miley Cyrus (again) to Punk Rock. She waited until everyone had their seat belts and then she drove to the nearest mall, The Perimeter Mall. Upon seeing a mall, my sister and Junie has somehow recovered from their moments of emptiness, sat up, and were being typical Valley Girls.

Amber turned off the car and took Matt's hand. We walked into the most stylish mall I've ever seen. My mouth instantly dropped. There were fountains, plants, and people everywhere. There was a Barnes and Noble, Nordstrom, and Macy's. I had seen all of the stores in smaller scales at the mall everyone went to a county over but in person, the stores looked amazing. I gasped and grabbed Vi's arm for support, which she instantly shook off. This was going to be awesome and Mom wasn't here to threaten to beat me with a Bible every time I picked something up.

"I'll go with them if you want," Amber offered. "I mean, I'm lame anyway."

"Sure, sure. You're on brat duty!" Junie said. "Come on, Violet. There's a tattoo place with your name on it!"

I watched as my sister and her slutty friend strutted away to go do some awful deed. I was too dumbfounded to speak and even if I wasn't, I still wouldn't be on the ground begging my older sister to stay and play Mommy. "So, what do you guys want to do first?"

"Can we go look at the pretty clothes?" Matt asked.

"Yes. Samantha, is that what you want to do?"

"Absolutely!" I said and I ran into the first store I saw, which was Nordstrom.

The store was huge. I turned into a row of rack of dresses and fell on my ass. Ouch! That smarts. The dress I was looking at when I opened my eyes was made of light blue mesh. It was short enough to give my mother a heart attack and was long enough for me not to be a Satan-worshipping slut. Perfect. I grabbed it, not bothering to look at the size and then ran my fingers though the others, picking up the most colorful ones that I could find. I ran into the dressing room and squealed like a little girl.

Okay... so not being picky cost me a lot of the cute ones. Unfortunately, I'm not a size 2 or size 36 (thank god). So, I ended up with two of the most beautiful dresses in the rack out of fourteen. Not the wisest but oh well. Fortunately, the sky blue dress that came just above my knees was a size 4, which was a perfect fit. It was a tight squeeze and I couldn't zip it but when I walked out, my little brother clapped like a mad man and Amber gave me a thumbs up. That one was a go. I was getting that.

The other dress was a green and white summer dress that looked more like a summer dress my mother would be more hesitant about than the blue strapless one. This one was also strapless but if I had put on my white lace cardigan, I would be less dead. It wasn't lined but I didn't quite know how how to put it on. After struggling to get my big head into the dress and the rest of my body to follow, I showcased it to my brother and Amber. They smiled and nodded as well. Well, that one was challenging but it was really pretty. Plus, it actually had a zipper on the side. Which I didn't notice until I had taken it off and was looking for the other elastic strap that would keep my dress up on my breasts. Yay fabricators in China. You got one stupid American.

We went though other stores similarly. For six hours, Amber, Matt, and I ran in and out of various stores, grabbing anything, trying it on, and if it fit, deciding that it was worth wearing. By five o'clock, we had bought everything in seventeen stores, Junie and Vi were drunk out of their minds, and Violet had a new tattoo above her ass that said Juicy in swirly letters. Boy, wouldn't Mom be proud?

We were late. It was 5:48 when we arrived and Dad was waiting on the porch for us with Uncle Roger and Uncle Buck. We had been trying various ways to sober up my sister and her friend until Amber actually spoke up and said all we had to do was make them drink water. Easy enough right? Wrong! They acted like we were in 1543, when water was considered painful, bacteria-infested poison. Eventually, we hid the water in a flask and they started feeling better. Morons.

Amber had pulled into the driveway in the Ferrari, which would've been suspicious if Dad wasn't a complete moron. He just walked over to the Ferrari and rubbed it with his grubby hand. "So this is what my child support is paying for? Well, your mother has good taste."

"Yeah," I grumbled. If only he knew... "She does."

My uncles, who seemed unfazed by the fact that their niece was just in an awesome Ferrari, grabbed me and Amber in their arms. Matt followed and then Violet and Junie, who winced when our burly uncles hugged their backs, came over to us. Inside, Jenny was "cooking" with Lauren and Julianne, my younger cousin. Leila was talking with my Aunt Bam, who grabbed me up in a suffocating bear hug as soon as she saw me. Leila also hugged me.

"How's my favorite niece?" Aunt Bam asked me.

"I'm tired and I need to change."

"Into what?" Leila asked. Leila, an inspiring fashion designer, was always trying to get me to let her style me, which was always greeted with a big no. "Can I help?"

I changed the subject. If she had seen all of the clothes we had just spent $3,530 of her mom's money on, she would've wanted to move in with us. "How's Amsterdam?"

Aunt Bam looked at Leila in shock, making her laugh. "You are from the Netherlands! You are Dutch?"

Leila laughed harder. "No. Daddy says we are Puerto Rican. I live in New York. Amsterdam, NY is like three hours from NYC. We go all the time to take Ollie to the special doctor."

"How's Ollie?"

"He's okay. He had an appointment this week, but I get to be here instead. Yay..."

"Well, here isn't so bad. We've got beer and good food and... beer." Aunt Bam cracked another beer open and took a heavy swig. "Aah..."

"Aunt Bam... I can't drink beer."

"Sure you can!" Aunt Bam said. Leila squirmed away and ran down the hall, gigging the whole way. Aunt Bam smiled. "So, how's your mother?"

"She's great. She tried to kill us last night with her Bean Casserole. Every type of bean was blended and baked until solidity."

"That's what she's into these days, huh?" I nodded. "She used to be so busy with that job of hers that she would come in to you three with Pizza Hut, hand me a twenty even when I'd just arrived, and go up to bed."

I shrugged. "She's not like that. After all of her other relationships when down the toilet and she just gave up on everything else, she gave up. She quit her lawyer job, took over Pappy's business, and is trying to be our mom now."

"That makes two of us," my favorite stepsister, Lesley, said. She came over to me and wrapped her arms around me. "Do you mind if I steal her from you, Aunt Bam?"

Aunt Bam shook her head no. "I'm about to go learn the anatomy of a beer can."

Lesley pulled me into my bedroom, pushed Lola out and slammed the door. She clicked the lock and threw me on my bed. "How've ya been?"

"I've been awesome. What about you? Hear about you making honor roll and getting that awesome award and pizza. What's up with that?"

"I'm not a perfect person," Lesley said, quoting her favorite artist, "but I'm pretty damn close. Yeah, I've got a boyfriend, a platinum award, and on occasion pizza."

"Lesley Washington has a boyfriend? How interesting... Is she going to tell me everything?"

"But of course, darling." Lesley reached in her pocket and produced a photo. It was embroidered with blue smiley face stickers. It was of her standing with this tall Asian guy, a girl with frizzy hair that could've been in Brave, another guy that reminded me of Harry if he had let his mom give him dreads like she did his siblings, and another guy putting ice-creme in her hair. "Don't mind the stickers. Toni did that all over all of the pictures of us. I finally got the stickers off of all of us."

"Which one is it?"

Lesley pointed to the tall Asian guy. "His name's Brian. He's a sweetheart. He even said I was cute with the strawberry ice-creme dripping from my head and onto my shirt."

I smiled at her and put an arm around her. "How's that going?"

"His parents were shocked. There are two other Leslies in our school. Leslie Nguyen is my best friend and is awesome and his parents thought he was dating her but he isn't. The other Leslie, Leslee Kidd, is a total bitch to me. But we are always paired up."

"I meant, is he nice? Is he muscular? Is the picture lying to me?"

"I'm puny compared to him and I'm 5'9. He's a total sweetheart. He has longer hair than that picture because that was the first week and it's been a few months now. Daddy loves him. He said he wishes he were black but that he approves. But you know how he is. Daddy's practically a Mason. All he lacks is the last name. Toni even likes Brian and she's hated everyone I've brought home. I remember the first time I brought Leslie home and she spat in her soup. In front of her."

"EW!" I squealed. "That's gross."

"Yep. Leslie said she gets worse at home. She has three brothers and they are always messing with her. Once, she accidentally ate something her brother's frog had sat on."

"He has frogs?" I was squirming in my seat. That was just sick.

"Yep. He has a frog, two turtles, a snake, and three lizards. They are always everywhere. Her brother's snake looks like a coral snake and the first time I was over, he was holding the snake and I fainted. No one told me D.C. doesn't have coral snakes. I thought Leslie had lured me to her house to kill me. But now we're best friends and Striker loves me."

"Who's Striker?"

"Striker's their snake. He's a scarlet kingsnake and he bites but it won't kill you."

"How many times has he bit you?" Lesley hopped up and began counting all of the places where she'd been bitten. The girl was nuts.

"Ten times I think. I always scare him. Once Brian was there. He freaked out and thought I was dead. I laid really still and if I hadn't started laughing when he was slithering up my body, Brian would've killed him."

"Girl you are weird."

"Always." Lesley jumped onto the bed next to me using that track star inside of her and laid on my bed. "So, how is embezzlement going?"

"What?"

"You are grinning like the Cheshire cat. I know you what you're doing. I do it all the time. How much did you blow?"

I looked to make sure the door was shut and locked still. Then I uttered the estimate. "Over $4,000. We blew so much of it at that mall. Did you know how much that stuff is? It's expensive. But your mom and my dad have a lot of money. Like enough to move out of this dump..."

"You'd better have thought of me and gotten at least two hundred dollars worth of crap for me." Lesley ignored anything that wasn't about what I'd gotten her until I had spilled it. Again, the agreement...

"Don't I always?" We had an agreement.

"Of course you do. We had an agreement. What did you get me?"

"It's in the trunk. I'll bring it in when they are all too drunk to realize what's happening. It'll be easy."

"Sweet."

Shortly after we had drummed up a plan to smuggle the new clothes into Lesley without getting caught, Aunt Bam stumbled in and announced the arrival of dinner. Twenty of the finest pizzas Papa John's had to offer. I hated Papa John's and they made me sick but I was also hungry again. My sister and Junie had complained about being hungry halfway through our shopping trip so we went to the most expensive place, got lobster thermidor, ate three bites, got dessert, ate two bites out of that, and dropped two hundred dollars of Dad's money right down the toilet and flushed.

Hawaiian pizza was the first thing I smelled. My family was weird. We are all pretty much rednecks but we still have a soft spot for football and Hawaiian pizza. So, of course, twenty of the pizzas were Hawaiian. We love that stuff. I grabbed two slices, breathed them in, and them went for a third. My younger sister, Sarah, waddled in when we had gone though five boxes of pizza and dad and Aunt Bam were cracking open the thirty-fourth six pack of the night. (I've never been good at math but I know that's too many.)

Sarah was a half-sister. Which means I like her half as much as I like my whole sister. I dislike my whole sister so I hate my half-sister. (Hey, I'm great at that kind of math.) I don't hate Sarah because she's my half sister. I basically hate her because she was born. Before her, Dad and Skanky could still afford to give all of us (including the skank's kids) our own rooms and everything was great. I could eat, sleep, and shower without seeing half of the people I hated. But then, everything came crashing down when Sarah came four years ago.

Most people do math with numbers. I do it with personalities. That's probably why I passed algebra with a D-, the closest to failing I could get without seeing Mrs. Kent ever again. I know that putting me and Lesley in a room would be good since we are practically attached at the hip the whole week anyway. I also know that putting me in a room with Lionel wouldn't be good because I could get anally raped while I'm sleeping and he could get his throat slit as soon as I come to. But, no one seems to see it my way.

My father's house has seven bedrooms, five and a half bathrooms and twelve people. My sisters, Lauren and Emily, get along great. So, of course we will shove Sam in the room with her bitchy thirteen year old sister who is on her period already. And then, when Emily is crying her eyes out, we will promise her a room with her psychotic older sister Lola who hates pretty much everyone except for Sam, Lesley, and Matt (like anyone could hate such cuteness). And Violet, don't ever shut your eyes because we are shoving you in a room with Lloyd, the fourteen year old creeper. Because we want you to stay a virgin.

Yeah. And little Matt, we hope you will learn something so we will put you in a room with Lionel who spends half of his fucking time in the mirror anyway. I think the only one who didn't get screwed over in this deal is Lesley. She practically has her own room because London, the older brother she shares it with, is either in Houston with his family who loves him and values his opinion or out with his friends who have houses that he can stay in at any time. I swear, my family's just booming with mini Einsteins.

As soon as we were done with twenty boxes of large Hawaiian pizzas, I followed Lesley back into her room where we could talk in peace. London was in there but he is always blasting Linkin Park and other sad and depressing shit in his ears so he could barely hear us anyway. Lesley and I sat in front of the door so no one would barge in. Our family, like the rest of Monroe, is good at kicking in like S.W.A.T. London joined us on the floor. Not because he was interested or anything but because his Android had died after so many years and he needed to charge it.

"So, what's up with you?" Lesley asked. "Are you going to be a sophomore or what?"

"Yes. Duh."

"I'm a freshman!" Lesley squealed. "I can't wait."

"Oh, you can," London said.

"Well look who's talking? Mr. Viva la Revolucion himself," Lesley teased. "Can you hear me. Are you aware that you are speaking to us?"

London rolled his eyes. "Don't call me that. Everyone calls me Iz. Call me Iz."

"Why?" I asked.

"His middle name is Israel. Iz sounds more Mexicano."

"Yeah... with less racism."

"London Israel Reyes. Well aren't you something?"

"My girlfriend calls me Atlas."

"Is she Siri? I mean you guys get so much face time, you'd think you were dating your phone!" Lesley joked.

"Haha. Go fuck yourself."

"Well that's not ladylike at all, London. The feminine name should make you act more like a lady but you are still cursing like a Sam."

"Shut up."

"Speaking of relationships... What's up with that guy next door?"

FUCK! DOES EVERYONE FUCKING KNOW? "He's cute... Who have you been talking to?"

"Kevin."

Figures. He would rat me out to my brother. (Hey, I don't hate this one!) "Yeah. I like him and I think he likes me... or great girls just give him boners... but I don't know how to say it..."

"The boner thing?"

"No, no. I've said that several times already. The important thing, moron. Keep up!"

"Don't make me hit you. Just say it, Sam. It's the best thing you can do. Just come out with it and hope he feels the came. Or he lets you down easy. If he doesn't, I will drive the twelve hours by myself to kick his ass."

"I'll be sure to call you when it happens."

"You mean if."

"I mean when."