The Start of the Story

His Disgustingly Beautiful Face

I saw on someone’s Snapchat story, a photo of people who had medals and a trophy in cross country. You were there. You, and your stupid—stupid—stupidly beautiful face were there. Out of people I could have had interest in, it had to be of you. There is no defense for scum like me, for I only was enamored with your face. Everything else I hadn’t considered because of your beautiful face. I semi wonder what would have happened a week ago if I had not decided to take more interest in you. Instead of calling your shoulder cool, I intended to say it was a scandalous photo. Looking back, I knew what I was getting into. I already knew you weren’t one for me and I wasn’t the one for you. Still, a part of me did fall a bit for you. Crazy, right? I barely knew anything about you. I can’t wait for second semester. I’ll never see you again. I’ll be set free. Until then, I can’t hate but still love your disgustingly beautiful face.

My Muse

His captivating eyes the color of a pristine blue were a watercolor masterpiece. The highs and lows of his warm waterfall voice. The enchanting ways he said my name rushed butterflies off my stomach. His beauty exceeds the moon. Everything about my muse felt like an hour of bewitching. My muse wasn’t only my, yet I have accepted that as I know my muse cannot only be mine.

A Pretty Face

With a beautiful face and pristine eyes like yours, it isn’t hard to say

I think I was only physically attracted to you.

Except, a pretty face can only

Take you so far.

Pretty Boy

I could go on and on about how pretty he is.

Thing is that’s all I think I like about him; his beauty. I don't care how shallow it is because it was never anything serious to begin with, so why make it something serious now?

I put him as “pretty Boy”. I was going to do “My pretty Boy” thing is the usage of “my” in this case means I own the pretty Boy or he belongs to me. He doesn't. I doubt he's remotely even interested in me.

I just boost his ego. I call him pretty, beautiful, stunning. All those flattery words as they are the truth. He isn't my. And I'm not his. I could careless if I did date him because I would probably only date him because of his stupidly beautiful face.

Shallow, right? I don't care. I care as much as he cares if I were to disappear off the face of the earth.

Confusing Feelings

I can't think of the last time I felt this stupid; for falling for a guy who will never reciprocate my feelings. For now, I have to learn to swim against the furious waves of these feelings.

All my brain can say in response to admitting I have a crush is shit.

It's all so stupid. Why am I waiting for him to respond? I don't like him. I like his face. I like the idea of him, but at the same time I can't help and be curious about the person behind that beautiful face.

This all so stupid, these words are stupid, my feelings are stupid, I can't form a coherent sentence to describe the annoyance and pain I feel for falling a little too hard for a guy who will never like me back. I feel so stupid. Despite what I saw, maybe, this isn't stupid; maybe it's just confusing.

Feelings

I hate this feeling. Most people call it unrequited love but I don't love him. No, I only like his face remotely more than the average human does. So what if it is a crush. It's stupid and pointless. I think these feelings should die. He's not even interested so what is the point of these feelings. I hate myself for these feelings. I refuse to cry and mourn over something so stupid. As much as I know where the ending of these will go, I can't help but want to dream of a different universe where maybe then—he’ll like me back. I can only dream. I want to be buried alive. I want my heart to be locked up. I want the world to burn. It's so—unfair. I know the truth. That's the worst part. I know he likes another girl. I know he doesn't see me. It's unfair. And at the same time, I can't change him. I can't change the person he is. I can't do anything about these feelings. I don't know what to do with this. My heart screams for him and my mind is preparing for the worst. I feel so stupid for feeling these unknown feelings.