If my followers remember I posted little sneak peeks of my story I was working on. Well I am almost done. I said I was super close awhile ago but life got crazy busy. Be sure to keep checking the prose. Also if you want to comment on this video something you would like to see in my paper, I will add you in the story. SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER SHOULD. I will post it tonight If I get more than 10 likes, and more that 10 comments. :)

Forgiving others is eaiser than forgiving yourself. I can't seem to let go of the person I once was. I can't seem to move on the person I wanna become. My feet are moving, but I am not going anywhere. All I see is everything I can't let go. I trust in God, and I pour into others, but I never can pour into myself. The pain I caused my family, my friends, God and myself, is so hard to foget.

What I am coming to realize, is that every storm has a rainbow at the end of it. Just takes time.

God isn't out to make our lives painful, he is out to make them healed. You just gotta trust him. If you are reading this don't ignore it. Think about it. Being a follower of Jesus or not. You are loved. You are forgiven. You are strong. You are his. Rather you believe it or not, you are his. He is so fond of you, even when we hurt him. Ler me ask you this. If you have kids, which one would you send to hell? Or would you take it? Thats what Jesus said to God. Jesus is standing infront of God saying "Look at me not them." Jesus took our pain. It takes time and I am realizing it, but are you willing to let him heal you?

What do you do when you don't know what to do? Pleasing everyone is hard. I wanna make them happy, but I also want to make them happy. If they find out I am dead, and If I leave then he will be hurt. Not saying I am doing anything at the moment. But I am trying to play both sides and I don't know what to do. I have this voice in my head saying to do this and the other voice is saying do that.

Romans 7: 15-20

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

With that being my answer, I have to decide..

 You can't take back the words you said, or unsee what you saw. You can't ever undo something. You can never take it back once you did it. But we can change how we are. And that is something. You are forgive in Gods eyes. But do you forgive yourself in your eyes?

Ephesians 2:8

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

The scent that you left on my pillow, 

The sound of your heartbeat with mine,

The look in your eyes like a window,

The taste of your kiss soaked in wine,

Every little thing,

I remember every little thing,

The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting,

Of every little thing,

I have changed so much. Not in the good way. I mean I wish I could say my sophomore year and junior year of high school was a blast, but I was a wild child. I didn't care about anyone or anything but myself. I went down a road of pain. Maybe because I was broken. I just stayed broken and broken myself even more. I just wish I could get a rewrite on life, but it doesn't work that way.