"You sound like Plankton."

We had spent the whole day frolicking through Jellyfish Fields, and this was the first time SpongeBob looked skeptically at me. Granted, my consciousness was implanted into a cartoon fish, and I had just magically appeared in Bikini Bottom, wife eyed and eager to meet SpongeBob SquarePants and hang out under the sea. Yet, despite the fun I was having with SpongeBob and Patrick being a test subject for a skeptical Sandy Cheeks who didn't understand why I was there, I had to ask.

"I just want to try one. Please, SpongeBob. I have to go back soon."

"Go where?"

"Um... You know where Bubble Buddy lives?"

"Of course I do. I still babysit Junior occasionally."

"I'm his neighbor."

"Oh, okay. That's understandable. Sandy has one more test, then we can head down to the Krusty Krab and I can whip us up some delicsious patties."

My mouth was watering. I nodded, and was about to say something else, but Seandy had returned. She wasn't holding any equipment or charts. I was a bit confused.

"Alright, Tad. Let's do one more test."

"Alright."

Sandy came towards me and pulled the fishbowl from my head. Water pooled around me and became a puddle at my feet. Her tree dome smelled like fall leaves and fresh cut grass. It felt warm in the dome, though she water had given me goosebumps. Both SpongeBob and Sandy looked at me curiously. andy pulled a magnifying glass out of nowhere and looked at my fin.

"Hologram, eh?"

"Wait, what?"

"I know how to fix this," Sandy said.

I realized that I wasn't supposed to breathe in the Tree Dome but it was too late. Sandy flicked my forehead, and I woke up. I was surrounded by my lab partners. They were all looking at the monitors and trying to see why I was awake.

"What happened?" the leader of our group asked. "Why'd you wake up?"

"That is one smart squirrel," I murmured, rubbing my forehead.

“Hey, Lucy! Let’s ditch Linus and Charlie Brown for the day. What do you say?”

Lucy, my favorite, irreverent girl bully and I teamed up. Why? I’m just like her! We went to Lucy’s yard to set up a kissing booth and kissed our lips off, socked a couple of customers in the mouth who were reneging on coughing up our payments, and heckled each potential customer who slunk right on by without stopping.

Lucy and I counted up our earnings and went down the block to Sally’s lemonade stand. We bought all she had and then went to the hotdog vendor up the block to sample his wares. I swore off eating meat then and there, I ate so many weiners. I was turning quite green when Lucy suggested we wade in the creek.

The icy cold spring water took my breath away, and that was a welcome relief to take my mind off my tummyache.

Before turning in for the night, we stopped by Snoopy’s doghouse. Though he looked to be sound asleep atop his roof, he rolled down and planted a juicy slurp on my face and then one on Lucy’s, to her horror. “You germ-ridden, flea-ridden hound dog! You better beat it, or, or, ... I’ll give you five reasons to never try that again!” In typical Lucy fashion, she counted off her fingers one at a time as she balled them up into her fist. Snoopy, no stupic pooch, was long gone by then!

Since I could sense Lucy needed to be “brightened up” a bit, I suggested she hold the football for me while I ran up to kick it. She didn’t fool me a bit, because I know Lucy so well. She’s never let anyone actually kick the football, always jerking it away at the penultimate second. So I played along and let myself be ‘fooled’. I know she gained a great deal of satisfaction watching me tumble screaming away on the grass. Like I said, “I’m JUST like Lucy.” (After all, where would we be without loud, pushy, intelligent girls who grow up to be vocal, assertive, flexible, [and in my case, vegetarian] leaders? ;-) Thanks for the inspiration, Lucy!)