A guide for those who Hate Running
Running is cheap and a fantastic way to maintain some base level of fitness. What's more, knee injuries tend to occur equally among those who run, and those who don't.
If you're only running a couple of times a week, the risk of you suffering from any kind of running injury is very low, and the likelihood of your overall quality of life being high will increase.
Still, you might know all this, and you might even run from time to time, but that doesn't mean you're enjoying it. Every session is a struggle, and you're not sure the endorphins are worth it.
If you're here for a little extra motivation, you've come to the right place.
For runners who find running boring, please go to 1.
For runners who find running embarrassing, please go to 2.
For runners who find running painful, please go to 3.
For runners who find running exhausting, please go to 4.
For runners who find running unnecessary, please go to 5.
For runners who need a sense of achievement, go to 6.
I here ya buddy.
Now, you're probably going to need some headphones for this part. Of course running with a friend might be ideal, but we can't always conjure up the perfect running buddy at exactly the right time.
The trick is not to make the 'run' the whole point. Kid yourself you're just utilising time efficiently. You can listen to the news (Global News Podcast, anyone?), a podcast (99% invisible?).
You can listen to sad songs, the kind you'd sing along to. You can listen to empowering songs, old rock songs that remind you of being sixteen. I highly recommend getting into an album by someone you like.
Songs about sex are also fantastic for when your running. There's nothing like gently fantasising about a steamy session to reach a new PB.
You might also enjoy the silence, or instrumental music, which will leave you more mental space to plan and think out your next steps—for your novel, your work, your life, your wife. When you're feeling down, there's nothing like a run to give yourself a little fake therapy sessions—and the hot bath afterwards will be the epitome of tender loving care.
Honestly, this is probably the main reason I wouldn't run if I hadn't started young. It was the reason at fourteen, when I was being dragged out on runs by my dad, I turned to him and said:
'Our neighbours talk about us running. I heard them mocking us.'
And my dad rolled his eyes, laughed and said: 'Who cares?'
I shrugged. I did.
'If you stop doing things because you're worried what others will think, you'll never do anything,' he said.
And this is the only thing which has proven to be true.
I usually meet no one at all on my runs. For the most part, running is 90% not embarrassing—and definitely worth it. The embarrassment is mostly inside your own head.
However, embarrassing encounters while running can and do happen. Usually the other person is not embarrassed at all and really doesn't care that you're out puffing. They might congratulate you or say:
'Oh, you run!' but chances are they'll soon forget.
In the very unlikely event anyone did think about it more than once, or cared at all, they would swiftly be shut down by anyone around them. What psychopath cares about someone else running to the extent of gossiping about it?
You cannot make sure you will always be wearing your best running outfit, that your skin will be glowing and your armpits deodorised. Sometimes, the sunscreen will melt into your eyes and sting them red, and you'll stink. But trust me. No one except you cares. There is nothing about running which should make you embarrassed. You can and should be really proud of what you are achieving.
3. Running is painful.
You should not be running if it is painful. You should not be doing anything which could cause you harm. This article is not for you, there is no point running if it is not safe for you.
There have been rare instances where I did not want to run and was slightly hypochondriac that I imagined pain in my knees and shins when there actually was none. I know this because a minute of running would be painful, but thirty, forty minutes in, I'd be feeling free and flying high.
But I am going to assume you need to take care of yourself and should not be running—or reading this article.
4. Running is exhausting.
Listen to your body. If it wants more sleep, if it wants to eat more, let it. Give it what it asks you. For some people, a little coffee before a run does wonders.
There are also times of day which are better for different people's bodies. Late morning, early afternoon, all of these might *your* time. I find running early in the day can zap some of my energy for the rest of it—especially if the run is long. Others find that it energises them.
Nutrition really will change the game. If I am not eating enough protein—which happens regularly since I am terrible at feeding myself, then I will be tired and my muscle will tighten and ache for longer. Similar thing with sleep.
I shouldn't need to say this, but do space out your runs. Don't overrun—either by running every day when your body doesn't want it, or for too long. Give yourself some structure, in terms of breaks and time out running. A short run from time to time is much better for muscle building.
My sibling's muscles weren't growing, and they were pushing themselves harder and harder. They thought they weren't pushing themselves hard enough. But they had a special muscle/athletic lactate test and the results actually showed that they needed more easy work outs and more rest in order to grow more.
If you're someone who thrives from the gains and that sense of achievement, either join a running club, where you will be trained to maximise your potential, or even just follow a running training plan. You will be astonished by the progress you see.
Running—especially running fast—is a fantastic lower body impact sport for building muscle.
Running faster and having better overall aerobic fitness is also a very exciting process. Setting milestones and goals makes running more fun and will improve your self esteem.
You're right. Running is not necessary to your life. It can mildly improve your life—a short run from time to time will boost your mood and make you feel stronger. But don't do it because it's necessary. It isn't and shouldn't be considered as such. Do it because you enjoy it—an eight minutes of walk-run-dance to start your day.
Sonya Renee Taylor once said: “Health is not a state that we owe the world. We are not less valuable, worthy, or loveable because we are not healthy. Lastly there is no standard of health that is achievable for all bodies. Our belief that there should be anchors the systemic oppression of ableism and reinforces the notion that people with illnesses and disabilities have defective bodies rather than different bodies.”
Running is a way to love your body, and an easy way to feel better and take care of yourself. It is not worth it if it does not bring you joy—joy being the best way to take care of yourself.
Go do something you enjoy.
Guide to Rejection
How do the editors of magazines, online journals, what have you - come up with the wording for rejection letters?
This morning I “didn’t make the shortlist”.
This could mean either:
1. I advanced beyond a long list?
2. Didn’t even make it past a first round
“We feel so fortunate to have received so many incredible submissions”
1. Everyone got this?
2. Mine was one of many “incredible” ones
3. It was actually incredible?
“We always have to decline some excellent submissions”
1. See “incredible” submissions above
“We are grateful for opportunity to read such high-quality work”
1. My submission was in fact high-quality
2. Stock response
3. I was middle of the pack
What does it all mean?
Wikipedia has a sub-site (it appears) where stock rejection letters are posted for individual journals. My rejection template was not listed.
This could mean:
1. Mine was so generic it wasn’t even listed
2. I’m a special snowflake?
I suppose this post isn’t so much a guide as an ask:
1. What does it all mean?????
Or, just keep submitting. Fin.
Will Always Wins
think the most important thing is
I don't know
There's not a Word for it anymore
Once We Knew It
But sometime we forgot
How to say It
The Magic Word
Has so many names because
We can't possibly describe
Which gives us solace
Surety of Knowing
We are alright
And we are going to be
White cells attack the red ones
When something is off
So we must not see ourselves like that
Tainted and sour
Hungry for power
Show me one who went bad
Who was Wholly Loved Well
Cast a Spell
Let Us All Have Everything Good
Make Us Solid Inside
So We Shine Through Our Eyes
And Sow With Our Minds
Things Boldly Kind
Is it any wonder how when the leaves change color
Our moods brighten
Our soles lift
And carry us over the earth
It's our Purpose
Data says that we will turn on each other
When the going gets tough
When there is no longer enough
To go Around
But what's that Sound?
One that reaches to the Center
Voices of our Ancestors
Who Knew The Word
And Who were clever enough to tell us
Scratch that 'instinct' that says it is not possible
To Believe Without Seeing
Get The Meaning
In Us Is Vision
Plain As Daylight
We Can See The Future
It is we who make it
We Shape It
Because Goodness Prevails
It cannot be assailed
By our transgressions
Till We Turn Around
Remember Who We Are
And Make It All Right
I Know We Will One Day
* * * * *
A Guide to Social Interaction
STEP ONE: Make an excuse to get out of it.
If step one fails, proceed to alternate guide
STEP ONE: Briefly acknowledge the host of this forced gathering. Exchange pleasantries. Compliment their undoubtedly unflattering attire.
STEP TWO: Allocate the source of food. This is important. Constantly eating will allow you to have a task that does not involve other people. It is also a great escape route.
STEP THREE: Make yourself familiar with the person serving drinks. They are your only true friend in this setting.
STEP FOUR: From your position near the food, casually eavesdrop on conversations to see if any are worth interjecting yourself into.
STEP FIVE: Hide your frustrations in a locked room. Bathroom is ideal, but dangerous as others may need to use it. Pantry is better, if present. Laundry room is also good choice.
STEP SIX: Have at least one conversation. It will probably be about someone else's kids, or how good the food is.
STEP SEVEN: Step outside. This prevents the obnoxious tragedy passing as a playlist from invading your brain from the inside out.
STEP EIGHT: Leave. Tell no one. Say no goodbyes. Give zero hugs or well wishes.
STEP NINE: When at home, once you are noticed to be gone, respond to text message from friends, blame chronic headache problem that you just invented.
STEP TEN: Go to bed and swear to never go to a social engagement again.
A Guide to Saying Goodbye to Your Mom
My mom passed away last year after a 10 plus year battle with Alzheimers. A side affect of this shitty disease is the victims often never know they have it. Weird as that sounds, my mom was one of those who couldn't remember she had the disease so we never talked about it. Whenever I'd ask her about how she was doing she would say, "fine, I'm fine, there is nothing wrong with me, but you know your uncle..."
We never openly discussed the progression of her illness, the obvious things like memory, continence, walking, taking, and eating. She eventually made her way to a memory care facility after home care got complicated. After she moved in she never acknowledged that her entire surroundings had changed, the bed she slept in, the people who cared for her, the Elvis impersonator who amused her. It was mind boggling to image, but true.
In the end though, the biggest tragedy of all this is that we never said goodbye to each other. Sure, the day she passed I told her I loved her, but we never shared a goodbye, a hug, a thank you for all she'd sacrificed for me. We never sat and talked about all the wonderful family memories that we created.
So, if I could have one chance, a do over, it would have been to find the time early on in her disease to talk about the fact that one day we won't be able to communicate and that day will be too late. So let's sit down and do it now, when we can share a hug and a cry together.
This is your guide to saying goodbye to your mom.
This is the Guide to Writing Guides
First off, to write a guide, one must have a subject. Case in point: guides.
After choosing your subject, you must re-evaluate how well you know this subject. Can you explain it? Do you understand it? Can you simplify it?
If not, then choose something else. Try an action, like picking out paint colors or deciding which pencil to use. If so, then continue.
You now have your subject: what you're writing a guide to. I advise you to use bullet points to explain how you do this thing. Now you need to generalize it (if your guide is for the public), or specify it to cater to who this guide is for. A guide to fungi for children will need pictures and simple words, whereas an anatomy guide for medical students will need to be applicable to their studies. It will need a level of complexity. Evaluate your audience, adjust your steps accordingly.
Sometimes, it would be beneficial to add an introduction. A precursor to what your guide is about, or an elongated summary of what comes below. Case in point: the above.
In short, to write a guide, one must
1) find something to write a guide about
2) ensure understanding of this topic
3) briefly list how it should be done
4) change wording, visuals, or format according to your intended audience
5) add an introduction, summary, or conclusion if deemed necessary for comprehension.
Should you find yourself struggling, I suggest having many strangers (if your guide is geared towards the public) or members of your intended audience, read over your guide. Take their critique, and re-evaluate step number four for further improvement.
At the end of all this, all you must do is ensure that your audience receives your guide. You might consider printing and posting on a public board, publishing to a website, homepage, or social media site.
I hope this guide finds you well, whoever is reading, and that it should help you in your further guide-writing endeavors!
Welcome aboard Antara Six
Please take a moment to read this guide to your new home, Antara Six. We understand that you may feel anxious about the destruction of Earth and the great evacuation to the Antara fleet of spacecraft, but rest assured you are not alone. The space federation has spent many months perfecting the Antara Six and her sister ships, and in order to make your new life here both safe and enjoyable, we made this guide and present the four cardinal rules that we all must follow.
Rule number one, all passengers on Antara need to respect and follow the principles that have been designed to preserve harmony. The principles are simple and include common-sense ideas such as wearing only your assigned uniform, reporting to your work station on time and obeying the directives given by the security droids at all time.
Rule number two, in order to preserve harmony, the Antara will provide everything each passenger needs. So each passenger will be issued food which must be consumed in the dining areas, entertainment at the proscribed times, and each cabin will be supplied with soma-gas at the proscribed rest times so insomnia is never an issue.
Rule three, the communication device you have been issued is the latest touch screen with neuro feedback and dolby stereo sound. The content of the communication device will be tailored to your personal wants and needs, and the Antara medical and harmony preservation unit will keep close tabs to make sure you are happy; the concept of preventive health and proactive behavior modification is very much something that we practice on the Antara.
And finally, rule number four. We are all in this together and so let us always work together. The ship propulsion system is provided via a combination of nuclear power and kinetic energy, and this is where you will find that fitness meets function though the use of the specially developed Antara fitness generators. The expectation is that each passenger will need to provide only one-third of their daily activity time on fitness generator duty. The seats are comfortable, the pedal action is smooth and the generator lounges are equipped with cooling fans. Your daily fitness generator duty-time provides valuable power for the ship while you get a great workout, it's a win-win.
So once again, welcome aboard Antara Six, may the rest of your life here be both enjoyable and productive.
How to survive a sudden school apocalypse...
The Zombie apocalypse, something that’s been joked about numerus times in timeless
movies, games and television shows. While slow, that still doesn’t stop the mindless beasts from ripping you apart and eating your insides. So, time to learn a little street smarts when dealing with Zombies while you’re stuck in school.
Step 1: Know your school. Whether you’re a freshman, senior or teacher you’ve been in
this school long enough to know your way around. Don’t take a wrong turn and get stuck at the bottom of the stair well because that’s one of the quickest ways to die scared, cornered and alone.
Step 2: Team up. Now this may seem like a great idea at first to have friends to help you, but really their just sacrifices for when you’re in tough situations and need to get out, the more vulnerable they look the better.
Step 3: Always check your surroundings. Especially if you’re in a bathroom or classroom be sure to check every stall and closet before you let out a breath of relief, because that very well could be your last.
Step 4: Be quiet. This may be common sense but you don’t want the zombies to know where you are so don’t draw unnecessary attention to yourself.
Step 5: Find a weapon, don’t try and be a peace maker with the zombie students because you’re just lunch to them. Step 6: Do. Not. Hesitate. Listen I know Mrs. and Mr. so and so are your favorite teachers and that’s been your best friend since middle school but right now they are not the people you grew to admire. Aim for the head or run, simple enough right?
Step 7: Always have a contingency plan. These are important in case one of the people you “teamed up” with had the same idea as you.
Lastly step 8: If you get bitten don’t be that person who hides it and infects the rest of the group. Do yourself a favor before you turn and leave. Unless it’s a group of narcissistic jerks who go around pillaging other groups you should just go ahead and end them all. Well, that’s all I can tell you good luck and try not to die.
A guide to procrastination
Table of contents
Chapter One - Learning to accept yourself as a procrastinator.... 1
An Introvert’s Guide to First Days.
I have no idea why it specifies 'Introverts' in this guide.
First days are alarming for anyone.
Whether it's school, work, relationships, parenthood, lockup (or lockdown), loss, death...(you get it), there is something unsettling about Day 1s. It is the dread mixed with anticipation and expectation and the unspoken belief that how you handle anything on Day 1 sets the course for eternity. No, really. I mean eternity.
So how do you go about First Days?
14 days before Day 1
The 'two weeks before' is a notable first stage. It is a time of ignorant bliss for most of the things that happen and therefore becomes a time you cycle back to when your new normal becomes unbearable. So you probably want to remember what happened two weeks before. No one will come out and ask 'What were you doing 2 weeks before (your new circumstance)' but you'll know. And for some of them, there will be that disbelief, 'Can't believe just two weeks ago I was laughing at that insane meme?' What I'm saying is that every moment is precious because you never know when it will turn into 14 days before Day 1. You probably want to start your journal or video logs. Something that gives a somewhat proper account for this time.
3 days before Day 1
Because time is its own thief and in a blink of an eye you have three days to Day 1.
For those you see coming - Tell your squad, plan a 'last day of' party. Go through your list. Yes Introvert, I'm sure you have your list of what you will do till end of day. Pretend not to be thinking about it. Don't worry, you are fooling no one.
For those you don't see coming - ...
2 days before Day 1
Because a count down only makes sense when it's 3, 2, 1...can't be skipping this one.
For those you see coming - Tell your squad again, have your 'last day of' party. Go through your list. Let everyone know you are thinking about it. Torture yourself with hypothetical scenarios of what could possibly go wrong.
For those you don't see coming - ....
1 day before Day 1
Because there is that thin line of Before and After and it's usually separated by a few hours.
For those you see coming - Your squad is already in on it and they are probably calling or texting or whatever to kill your nerves. Be reachable - or not.
Go through your phone gallery and whisper after every photo 'Oh my goodness tomorrow I will be (in your new circumstance).
Lay out your gorgeous first-day outfit and hope it is as good as you imagined it to be. Try it on. Get second and seventh opinions on it.
Go through the conversations you will have in your head, how you will introduce yourself. You won't have a second chance to make a first impression - get it right. Pack your novel - just in case.
Fail to get enough sleep because you are overthinking everything.
For those you don't see coming - ...
You've made it.
For those you see coming - Ready or not, here you go!
For those you don't see coming - You're not ready but life doesn't care.
DISCLAIMER; All opinions here (yes opinions, I'm not a certified Guide) are subject to amendment. Also, these occurrences are known to vary from person to person. Beware what you take to heart.