“Internalizing”
Impulse control
the fidgeting
the drumming
the humming
Filtered sentences
too many
too loud
too much
Strained focus
trying to listen
trying to look
trying to wait
Emotional waves
held in
passing by
wiping out
*When it takes so much to be someone
that others can stand
It is exhausting to struggle and know
you can't lean
because the real you
would only
push them
away.
The silent friend
Explicit detail
Lips wired shut.
A low humming fills the void.
Slumped against a wall.
A kitchen knife becomes his best friend.
Each tender slice offers relief.
A sense of freedom from the chaos life throws at him.
To his friends he smiles like a clown,
a Wide stretched smile then aches his jaw.
His phone is full of numbers , a row of people he can call.
Yet
as he cuts deep into his skin his phone remains off.
Silence washes over him.
He lets out a deep breath, a moment of peace.
Slowly they trickle back in.
One by one they board the train of misery.
Each obtrusive thought hits him in the stomach.
This whirlwind of thoughts plague his mind,
bury into his skull like a thirsty worm.
He puts his hands over his ears,
as his breath quickens.
He quenches his hands
and looks at the knife.
He reaches for his phone and turns it on.
Scrolls through all the familiar faces.
But
who would understand his
pain
thoughts
dispair.
He throws his phone to one side and reaches for the knife.
A silent friend who never questions or judges.
Autism
My mind is like a beach:
When I hear what you say
your words write themselves in my sand
but wash away with the tide.
My body is like a treehouse:
My foundation is uneven
each length and junction unique
to frame guileless windows through which I may view the world.
My life is like a book:
It relies on the borrowed time
of those who enjoy my company
and those who will tell my story forevermore.