Brownies do exist, but they are full of sugar and not only make you fat but you can feel your teeth rot when you bite into one. Pookie-Bear would never allow all that sugar (as I could have a heart attack). No, I must maintain a maximum weight of one hundred twenty-five pounds at 5’11 in order to live forever. It is the only way. Therefore… no brownies for me, just plenty of Brussels sprouts.

Or, if it is canniballistic tendencies you have and it is the Brownie Organization you are talking about (the grammar in your challenge is insufficient for me to qualify what kind of brownie you mean), then you are a very sick person and should seek immediate help!

When I was a kid, there was a chocolate drink called a “Brownie”. They were similar to a “Yoohoo”. You could only get one from one of those machines where you opened a narrow, vertical glass door on the left hand side of the vending machine. Your options once opened would consist of 3 rows of Cokes (in the old style glass bottles), 2 rows of RC’s, a row of Fresca, and the Brownie’s were always at the very bottom, where little hands could easily reach them. Sugar-free and diet sodas were not even invented yet back in those days.

Yea, I wish I was drinking a Brownie right now… not eating one. Because if I was drinking a Brownie right now it would be 1972. “The Day the Music Died” would be on the radio. My parents would still be married, and Brooks Robinson, Louis L’Amour and Hee-Haw would still be relevant… good things all, in my book.

My Grannies would still be alive if I was drinking that Brownie in 1972, and Damned ’Ole Bear, my first dog (for some unknown reason my dad added the “Damned ‘Ole,” but it stuck). The neighbors always got a kick out of that toe-head, seven year old walking down the street demanding of them, “Y’all seen my Damned ’Ole Bear?”

Yea, I wish I was drinking a Brownie right now. That would be nice. Very nice.

I can almost taste one now.

brownies could exist, if the sensory experience of them is not illusory or false. the smell of the chocolate, the steam rising from the moist pores, and of course the taste exist as long as any other sensation, or a memory of a sensation is real.

but if this is so, how could it be that brownies are not at this very moment sitting upon my desk, briefly awaiting my indulgence. it is certain, that if they existed and if they were sitting upon my desk, they would soon be devoured. certainly i have many fond recollections of eating a brownie. yet it is not present either in my mouth, or upon a saucer in front of me.

i could argue, the the existence of a brownie, specifically upon my desk, is contingent on either the acquisition of the ingredients and the preparation of them OR they are to be bought in a bakery, who's staff is accomplished in the fine art of confection-making at large and brownie preparation in particular. if we follow the argument, the absence of the brownie is a direct result of my inability to aquire or prepare such a confection. this possibility is unlikely. bakeries, staffed with talented, duty-bound artists are plentiful and so is the relative abundance of the ingredients. to learn how to make a brownie, one need only search the internet or follow a path of trial and error, to produce such a cake. it is therefore not scarcity the witholds the sweet delight of brownies from my grasp.

could it be, then a question of self-denial or restraint? am i sufficiently adept at delaying my gratification or prioritising or managing my desires and sordid impulses? would i be able to actually hold my motivation to such a degree that brownies could be safely placed in my proximity, without calamitous results? this if course is not a possibility in the least. it is safe to say, that whatever the size of a serving of brownies, be it insurmountablly huge or unreasonably small, all will be devoured. my bloated thorax shall explode, and yet the head shall still relentlessly gorge itslef. indeed one coukd say that the biological expedincy of brownies is no match to the outright mortal threat they pose. not dietery concerns, social repercussions nor pecuniary limits would conceivably serve as sufficient hindrence to overconsumption.

we could follow Occam's razor, down its sharp point, and come to the simple answer that a man coukd be in one of to existential states: in the process of in eating a brownie OR having finished the brownie and awaiting more , though the anticipation may be a discomfort. if i am not eating a brownie momentarily it is a result of the fact that i have depleted all of it.

either of these latter possibilities depend on the surity that brownies exist. if brownies existed all arguments would be about self control, the absence of it, or the material considerations that may lead to the consumption of brownies or to their absence.

however the possibility that brownies exist is not apriori establishable. their perseption through senses, their measurement through emperical devices, could all be a solipsistic trap. indeed their absence is all but assured, when one considers their being on a cosmological scale or a subatomic one. the possible interaction between objects such as the brownie and the eater, or between the fats, sugars, and proteins it cobtains is distinguished only within a very limited scope, which in itself (being the organisns that try to appreciate brownies) is arguably non-existant. the question in that case would not be "why am i not eating a brownie?" but rather "am i a distinguishable enough object from the background, to exist?" or "what is barrier between me and not-me?" OR "could it be that i am a brownie?" none of these questions are answerable. no solution given is absolute. and the fears of reality which they stirr is irreconcilable in the long run.

here, finally, within this existential limitation and distress, a need arises for confort. for a reduction in pain, for a balm to salve the aching heart. if brownies existed, they surely would have been employed in great quantities and bottomless despair.

and yet, there is no brownie.

"We run into the problem of definitions with this little conundrum." He said, leaning back in his leather easy chair, puffing on his pipe. "For there are several different meanings to the word 'brownie'.

"I'll cover just the three that spring instantly to mind and answer your questions in turn for each of them."

"1: Do brownies exist?

"Of course.

"Are they a tangible phenomenon?

"As a small, rectangular chocolate flavoured fudgey delight, of course they are. It'd be a little difficult to enjoy them if they were imaginary.

"Can you quantify them?

"I wouldn't even care to try to come up with an estimate. Millions must be made each day and I'm not a professor of baking.

"Why aren't you eating one?"

He reached for his plate and plucked up a sweet treat, taking a bite. "That's simple, because I'm eating a profiterole."

"2: Do brownies exist?

"Of course."

"Are they a tangible phenomenon?

"Most certainly. I've met a few people who were members, my sister included. As some of the audience may not be from the United Kingdom, a brownie in this sense, is a small girl, too young to join the girl guides. The female equivalent of a cub scout, though, I have heard the boy scout movement began admitting girls a few years ago..."

"Can you quantify them?"

"Again, as someone who pays little interest in youth organisations, I wouldn't care to try. I'm not even aware if they've gone into a decline in recent years."

"Why aren't you eating one?

"Because I'm not a monster? I'm not a child murderer, or cannibal?"

"3: Do brownies exist?

"This is a problematic question to which the best answer is, unlikely.. It is however, impossible to prove a negative. I would personally say no, but many people still believe in fairies, so, who knows? Maybe they do.

"Are they a tangible phenomenon?

"If they exist, they are reputed to be on the helpful end of the faerie spectrum, and they wouldn't be able to help much if they couldn't move things about, so., if they exist, yes. But as I don't think they do, I'll say no, they're just fairy stories. The result of an overactive imagination. So no."

"Can you quantify them?

"For the side of the argument where they do exist, no. For the side where they don't, yes. There are zero, none, zilch.

"Why aren't you eating one?

For the "They exist" side, have you ever seen a faerie? More, have you ever captured one? If, by some extraordinary chain of events, you managed to, killing and eating it would be an incredibly dangerous thing to do. The faerie folk are, as you've proven them to exist, a notoriously vengeful, petty, vindictive people with access to magic. Kill and eat one of their kind and there'd be hell to pay. Om the they don't exist side of the argument, because they don't exist, of course."

Brownies, THE square baked good of the baking world. They are only second to one thing, which is THE circular baked good of the baking world. I know this as I am an expert, not just self-proclaimed at that.

Brownies are the delicious, typically, chocolaty baked good. They are described as a ‘square of rich chocolate cake’ however I assure you that they are much more than just that. They are happiness in a square, childhood in a pan. The end of most of the worlds problems for as long as they’re still around to be eaten.

As for your questions…

Do brownies exist?

Obviously, otherwise why would you be able to google them?

Are they tangible?

Most certainly, I myself have come across them multiple times before in tangible form.

Can I quantify them?

No, they are far to many and great for even I to do so. Probably less than cookies though.

Why am I not eating one?

I don’t know. And I am horrifically sad now that I am not. So I shall sit here, at who knows what time at night, laying awake and wishing for brownies.