Is the Exorcist still scary? Well, it has been twenty something years since I last saw the movie, but I’ve seen it twice and I can honestly say that the movie trips over its own dogma so much I can’t be scared. I can suspend disbelief only so far especially when a film contradicts the beliefs and/or superstitions that are the basis of the whole plot.

Demon possession in Judeo-Christianity isn’t much talked about. However, Jesus casts out demons and tells the suddenly sans demon person to go and sin no more. In another instance JC says something to the effect that once cleansed of a demon, one must be careful to avoid sin, or they will invite even more demons in if they go back to their old ways. So, the common demoninator here is sin. A person must sin to be possessed. Keep this in mind.

Okay, so in the Exorcist, little Regan (yes, I had to Google her name) is a tween with a bit of a demon problem. Enter plot hole the size of a 747! If one adheres to the Judeo-Christian dogma the film leans on, a child isn’t accountable for their sins until a certain age. The exact age isn’t given in either the Bible or the Torah which is bloody inconvenient. Then again, what is religion other than a collection of vague notions that are open to interpretation which eventually screws someone over. The Catholic church gives first communion around 7 or 8 years old which is seen as a marker of spiritual and moral responsibility. Amongst the Jewish people, the Bat/Bar Mitzvah celebrated at the age of 13 is seen as a sort of age of accountability.

So, exactly how much sin can a seven-year-old (earliest estimate of accountability) get into to invite demon possession? Did she cheat at Hungry-Hungry-Hippos? Did she become a Barbie Dream House slum lord? Did she copy the kid sitting next to her at school’s spelling test? At the later age more tween side of things, did she kiss a boy or a girl against her mom’s wishes? Did she steal mom’s makeup? The movie was made in the 1970s so did she have naughty thoughts about Donnie Osmond, Mick Jagger, or Leif Garrett? COME ON! Outside of murder, no kid at that age can commit enough sin to warrant becoming a demon Airbnb. They can’t drive, buy porn or beer, see a R-Rated movie by themselves, and their curfews are too early! Sorry, I’m not buying the little girl demon possession thing. Based on the movie’s adherence to the Judeo-Christian belief system regarding possession, it doesn’t make sense!

There is another issue with the

Exorcist. What exactly can a 12-year-old do possessed or not when they’re strapped to the bed? Okay, spew split pea soup, make the bed rise, and turn her head 360 degrees. Even if the kid escapes, they’re kind of screwed because at the end of the day they can't operate without parental guidance. The kid and by virtue of its parasitic nature, the demon needs to eat and unless said demon has some kind of side hustle, they’re dependent on mom for food, shelter, and clothing. I could imagine mom saying something like, “Don’t you turn your head 360 degrees at me young lady! You cost me a fortune with the last chiropractor bill. You will stop spewing the green stuff all over my clean floor! Now, make the bed rise so I can vacuum under it!” If the demon wants some Cocoa Pebbles later, it’d better toe the line and lift the bed.

So, no, the Exorcist didn’t scare me then or I would guess now. It’s hard to be afraid of something that tries to stand firmly on a premise while simultaneously trying hard to undermine that premise. My wife will tell you I am NO FUN at horror movies because folklore is a hobby of mine, and I will pick the monster apart based on its origin. Slasher movies don’t scare me either. I watched 3 cesarian sections and if you can handle that and the smell of flesh burning because of the blood vessel cauterizer slasher movies are nothing. If you want to see scary turn on the 6 o’clock news. Four time bankrupt (so far), bully, hate mongering, treasonous, draft dodging, perpetually lying, sexual predator, narcissistic, former reality show host trying to become president AGAIN, the Kardashians, and constant discussion about Taylor Swift’s dating life, now that is scary!