To gain freedom inside this miniature garden bound by all its rules, I made a cruel decision.

I took the child's hand, stepping delicately over the puddle of blood and organs that blemished the clean marble floor.

"Hello, little one. How may I be of service?"

"W-Who are you?" Her last breaths were soon to come, though not if I could help it.

"I am your savior. I am the one who will give you life and protect you for the remainder of it."

She gazed at me with wide sapphire eyes.

"That being said, I am also the monster that hides under your bed, the ghost that screams in the hallways, the vampire that leaves you kisses at night."

Her eyes become wider and her fingers twitch. Whether with fear or with her dying nerves, I did not know.

"Would you like a poem to help your decision, little one?"

The fire of life is fading away

Up in smoke, gone are the flames

And though you've fought through every day

The end result is always the same

You can live or you can die

Whichever you choose, you pay the price

Take my hand and save your life

Or let go and lose the light

But even if you make your choice

The end will be a starless night

End up in Heaven, or end up in Hell

The choice is yours to make as well

So feel my fingers through my gloves

Do not look for guidance from above

The choice is yours and yours alone

For your sins you will atone

What is your choice?

She looks up at me, eyes still wide open, her breaths shallower and shallower.

"I want...to live."

Thank you for your sacrifice, dear.

I will give you all of me.

And in return, you will give me all of you.

Deal?

I'm sorry

I didn't want this

But this is what they command

These instincts that

force me

compel me

push me 

to do the horrible things that I do

It makes me 

sad

shameful

so remorseful

To see people like you

scream

cry

run away

when I approach

But I know why

I have never seen it from your eyes

But in the mirror every night

I see the terror I bring

I try very hard

To refuse the whispers

in my head

in my muscles

in my bones

And when I can't

When I do the horrible things I do

I scream

I cry

I run away

I want nothing more than to be 

peaceful

safe

normal

And to care for and spare people like you

But always the whispers turn to shouting

And I am selfish enough that blessed silence

Is worth the

blood

regret

and self-loathing

Eventually someone will stop me

This is inevitable

I know

I can't wait for that day

When whispers and shouts and screams and crying

Turn to forever silence 

And I can be peaceful on my own

They run away from me. They scream when they see me, but they will never know me. The hideous face I was born with, something I can't change but have to live with. The human perspective that changes my fate based on presumptions accusations. I scare, I kill, and I hide because it is expected of me, but I want to come out of the closet. I want to laugh, I want to dance, and I want to have something to hold to at night when I'm scare. I want to have a dream, but nobody listen, so I keep on killing. I KEEP ON SLASHING, I KEEP ON EATING, I KERP ON TEARING, AND I KEEP ON KILLING, BUT NO ONE IS LISTENING!!! They don't see that I have my own monsters in the closet, they don't see I want my own dreams, but that's okay. I WILL JUST KEEP ON KILLING.

I may not be beautiful I may not be smart but I am just like you all I want in my life is to find my place in the world. People scream people run. They think I am a monster but all I want in my life is to find my place and I am just like you. Next time you see me please don't run from me just simply say hi ask me how my day was. You won't regret it. All I want is a friend. Will you be that friend? I am just like you.

You look down on me with disgust. I look in the mirror and I see a strong individual that did what they had to do and feels no inch of remorse. And no amount of looks you shot at me, or bullet like words aimed in my direction will ever change that.

It took me years to build up my courage, to fashion my nerves into steel.

Yet you call the scum of the earth and wish you never knew me. While at least now I know who my friends are.

Sat behind bars, in an six by eight room, it gives you time to think, to remember. I use my time wisely to remind myself that I am in here because I am a hero to some people, and a monster to others. I remind myself that the scream that keeps me up at night was for a good cause. The endless blood on my hands is from a bad man. The face behind my eyelids, was the same face that would creep into my daughters bedroom at night.

I use my time to remind myself I am in here, so she can be out there happy, healthy and unafraid of the dark.