Standing on top of a Cathedral, over looking a city I've never been to, pointing out the places we have yet to go to. The sun warming our bones, the music of the city playing on the cool breeze. Knowing my amigas, and a cold glass of sangria, is waiting for me at the bottom.
I felt at home.
If you had my brain
Be careful in there, it's pretty dark, and I'm afraid I forgot where the light switches are.
and when the thinking starts, you need to stay aware of a ticking clock............
Books, movies and songs, make it spark, but live theater gives it a glow, and Musicals may make your face hurt, just a little.
When out and about on a crowded street you will find your feet picking up speed, dodging and weaving is an enjoyable sport. And if in a park don't be scared if you suddenly find yourself half way up a tree, just let it do it's thing, sitting on a branch is like being home for me.
If at night your finding it hard to sleep, I often pick a song from the built in music library. My go to is "The Devil went down to Georgia" but I'm sure you could find one that suites you better.
What makes us carry on?
I was once told that hope is a terrible thing.
For a moment I believed him,
but looking back,
racking over the past,
surely hope is all we have.
We knew it was going to be a hot day. The previous day was hot.
We woke up lying on top of the duvet, both sweating, the sun fighting the curtains, and winning, compelling our eyes to open.
It woke him up just enough to turn over.
It woke my just enough to remind my sleepy head of the plan we made before sleep took us both.
I pushed at his back, "Come on, get up"
"hum" was his reply.
"Come on, get up, before it hot" It was hot already, we both knew that.
He needed reminding of the plan. Through a yawn I told him.
"We don't have to go."
But I was awake now. Too awake to just lie there.
I got my butt out of bed, which forced him to do the same.
In the car the temperature display kept creeping up, "maybe this isn't such a good idea." I started to question my actions, sleep still in my eyes and lingering in my stretches.
The radio told us to say inside, it was going to be the hottest day. "Lets just get breakfast, go back home." I stared to wonder what we would be doing if I had forgot about the sleep filled plan made in the cooling night air. We would be lulling in our bed, he would be holding me loosely, kissing on my neck, my hands drawing patterns on his skin. We would just about to start our morning routine, the one we had found our selves falling into on days we had nothing early planned.
"We are half way there now, We anit going back." He said. His eyes questioning me, are you serious. I'm always changing my mind, this time I was just bit too late.
We walked from the parked car, the sun shining down, not a cloud in the sky.
Soon the path gave way, I stopped to take my shoes off, putting my feet deep under the warming sand. We found a little shade by way off sand dooms, and set up a temporary camp; we both know we wasn't staying long, that was the plan.
We stripped, we ran, the sun beating down, sweat beading on our skin, a sea breeze caressing our bodies, the sand shifting consistencies.
The water brought a gasp to my mouth, lapping over my feet, as I waded in up to my thighs. He was doing the same, the shock on his face made me laugh. He splashed me with water in a childish way as the waves come up to my breast.
Together we embraced the cooling sea water, on the hottest day of the year.
He use to be a lesbian.
Happy Halloween People :)
On the twelfth day of Halloween,
my true love sent to me;
Twelve Vampire Bites,
Eleven Skeletons Skating,
Ten Wolfs A-howling,
Nine Zombies Lurching,
Eight Monsters Mashing,
Seven Ghosts A-haunting,
Six Witches Witching,
Five Skull Rings,
Four Crying Bats,
Three Freaky Frogs,
Two Slimy Slugs,
And a Potion in a Cauldron.
Do they exist?
or is it just a consecpt that keeps you guessing, keeps you wondering, so you never feel truely happy with the person you are with.
The concept puts in your mind that there is someone perfect out there, made just for you and will never be truely happy untill you find them, or they find you.
Self-love is a love I have failed to master.
They say no other love can come untill you have mastered this one.
I dissagree, I tend to love other people way more then I love me.
I know myself to well, I know all my secrets, I know all my flaws, and I know the truth behind each single action I have ever made.
Other peoples truths seem to be easier to swallow,
Other peoples truths seem to be easier to forgive,
Other peoples truths seem to be eaiser to fall in love with.
So I fall in love with other people,
to persuade them to fall in love with me,
I don’t have to.
I become the villain?
I didn’t know I was becoming one, untill things went to far.
I had been listening to the songs, while singing in my car.
“Her husband’s acting different and it smells like infidelity ”
“I would’ve noticed a gold wedding band, Diane”
“I’ll go to heaven or I’ll go to hell
Before I’ll see you with someone else”
Belting out the tunes, as if they actully hurt me.
Pouring all my drama into songs that didn’t effect me.
I smiled as I got out my car.
Locked it as I went up his drive way.
We had been seeing each other a year now, today was our annivery,
I thought I would surpise him.
It was the weekend, he didn’t work, I usally did, but this weekend I took it off, just to see him.
My smile grew as I knocked on his door, I had made an real effort;
his favouit blue dress of mine,
my hair in plates like he likes,
and flats just to make him feel taller.
The door opened and
it was like I was looking in the mirror.
She had the same copper hair,
about the same height,
dressed all in blue, just like he would like.
Confused we looked at each other. The songs had been right.
I never notice his gold wedding band, but hers was there, glinting in the sunlight.
I swalled deep, unsure of what to say,
She stared at me, unsure of who I was.
I stared back, unsure of who I was.
“HI” she smiled weakly taking in the scene.
“Hi” I answered back, finding the courage to ask. “is Tim in?”
She opened the door a little wider, “just through in the living room”
gestering with her arm.
I stepped over the thresh hold, like so many times before,
I already knew the way to the living room,
and I think she already knew that I knew that.
However, know ones knows what happens behind closed doors,
I felt empty as I left the house
Unlocking the car as I walked down his drive way.
Turnning off the CD as I turned on the engine.
We had been seeing each other a year now, today was our annivery,
I walked away that day, away from him, away from his wife,
I don’t know if she followed me.
The whole thing still keeps me up at night.
I use to wonder how did people not know, how could they miss the signs,
but there was no signs, no acting differently, no inferdelity, not towards me,
yet I still feel like the bad guy,
yet I still feel like a villian,
yet I still lay awake at night wondering if I’ll go to heaven or if I’ll go to hell for being that someone else.
Two very different first kisses
The credits rolled, the room empied, neither of us moved, we wanted to be alone.
Tucked under your arm, you asked If I wanted to kiss you. No one had ever asked me that before.
You waited in silence, understanding that I took time over my words, that I always took too much time to collect my words.
You let me bury me head in your chest, just holding me tight, saying nothing; how did you know to say nothing.
I lifted my chin, you thought I had words on my lips; instead, I kissed you softly.
You pulled back; to check if this was ok, asked me if it was really what I wanted.
When I nodded, you stroked my hair behind my ear and kissed me back, just as gentle.
The moon shone through the window as the bell for last orders rangout.
The door closed, the wind whipped, the starlight fell. Our alcohol jackets held us up.
We swayed in silence as we started the long journey home.
The drink, as always, had given me confidance, but this time also buried my memeories, foucesed in on the here and now, on what the body needs.
I took your arm to hold your hand, a need for closness.
You took my chin and pulled me in, a need for sex.
Two very different first kisses...
both to close in my own time line for comfort.