I am suspended and Weightless

And caught In-between

The bounce of a Raindrop

My heart Bruised in blue

I am The quick inaudible gasp

Before A shy hiccup

And the curl of My ringlet

Springing tight in the Fog

It is the second before

Love touches my lip

And It happens In a flash

The life of an Angel

I watch my heart break

In exaggerated slow motion

And I Fall into oblivion

Relinquishing my Future

I Brainstorm the ways

To see you again

And Everything goes black

As I surrender my Hope

And the minute before

I fall sound asleep

I exhale with relief

And Dream of a Peace

Fingertips touching soft hair

The smell of cotton candy

A linen white apron swaying on the line

The way eyes close when laughter strikes

The blushing innocence of a dimpled smile

Opera in the bathtub and fine wine

Dogs sleeping at my feet

Snuffing out candles

Thunderstorms and lullabies

I see their unblemished faces

In the moments before I fall asleep.

Younger than they are now.

Cheeks chubby and grubby,

Sun kissed freckles and blue eyes.

Tousled blonde hair still damp from the bath.

I remember how angelic they looked

The peaceful slumber of the young.

Only another mother understands

The untarnished joy, complete enthrallment

of watching her sleeping children.

I miss them both so much.

In the moments before I fall asleep.

When it's quiet and nothing moves.

No TV's blaring, no quarreling brothers,

No feet thundering down the stairs

Demanding a drink.

No tears or tantrums at bedtime.

No monsters to vanquish from under the bed.

No stories to read, no songs to sing.

Bittersweet memories blanket me

In the moments before I fall asleep

Wondering how they sleep now

Wondering what their bedrooms look like

If they wake up on time for school.

Does my little still hide cookies under his bed?

Does my older one still sleepwalk?

Does anyone ever watch them sleep like I did?

In the moments before I fall asleep,

When the day's distractions have gone quiet

I can't push them away any longer.

Sometimes I cry and scream at the unfairness

Sometimes I just cry despondently

Sometimes I plot my most evil revenge

Sometimes I stare at nothing

Dry eyed and dejected.

In the moments before I fall asleep

I remember when I used to be a mom.

I send my love on moonbeams

I listen to silent stars for a response

And I wait eons for hours to pass

For morning light to return my peace.

Ugh I can't sleep

If I go to sleep now I will have 7 hours and 14 minutes

I have to pee

What would happen if my house caught on fire right now?

DID I FINISH MY HOMEWORK?

Yeah I did...I think

Oh god what if I didn't?

My teacher will hate me forever

I will get an F in that class!

I should go check

But I'm all warm and cozy

I have to pee

What would happen if I just stopped going outside?

Would I die?

Nah no one needs the sun, right

Oh wait yeah vitamin D

I think I need a little Vitamin "D" myself haha

I have no life

I need to pee

Why am I here?

Like I didn't ask to be born or anything

I didn't ask for responsibilities

The only reason I'm here is because my parents got horny one night

Ewww don't think of that oh god stop

NEW TOPIC PLEASE

I wonder if humans are the aliens and animals are the native race on earth?

And we just sort of took over

I should be a scientist

Jordan Howe: Alien Scientist

Sounds pretty cool to me

I should contact NASA

I'd be the top alien scientist in the world

Maybe the only alien scientist...

Naw that's a lonely life no man is gonna want an alien scientist as a wife

I REALLY NEED TO PEE

but I'm so comfy....

Fire hoses

Water bottles

Fountains

SWIMMING POOLS

THE ATLANTIC OCEAN!!

Okay fine bladder I will get up

*flush*

Ah finally...now I can sleep

It's too hot

I will go turn on the fan

Ugh now it's too cold

Let's get another blanket

Ahhh that's nice

What time is it?

MIDNIGHT?

I have school tomorrow!

I need to wake up early!

Okay Jordan you can do this just concentrate

Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little-

What if teletubbies were real and that's where TV came from?

Stop it brain I'm trying to sleep!

One sheep

Two sheep

Three sheep

Four

Why didn't I shut my stupid door!!

Hey that was a good rhyme

I'm a poet and I didn't know it

Yeah

I'm cool

Yeah

Go tell tell the cool kids that they've got a poet

Me

It's cool to be a poet right?

Okay I seriously need to get to sleep

Close your eyes

Yeah that's nice

Why do I need to pee again

*flush*

Finally now I can sleep

Go to sleep

Go to sleep

Go to sleep little Jordan

Ugh I can't sleep!

I Think

What

Do you

Look Like

my Beauty

my Beast

Why

Do you

Hide

From

the Eyes

Of me

#B27321

I must check my phone,

I heard it's gentle vibration,

Nothing there I'm still all alone,

I guess it was a wishful sensation.

Maybe she's asleep,

Yes, I bet that's what it is,

So I'll just place it out of reach,

And try to rest my head.

Money food family wait,

I think I heard it again,

I'll get up and check, it is fate,

Surely she replied and hit send.

Nope, nothing, it is just in my head,

This time I power it down,

As I lay like a leaf in my bed,

In an infinite room of no sound.

Death now consumes my mind,

Those thoughts that are seldom shared,

I wonder if at the end of my time,

I'll still feel this alone and scared.

My mother is getting older,

This scares me even more,

I forget the last time I told her,

Of my love for her and adore.

I now discover my biggest fears,

And forget the petty worries,

Time with loved ones is dear,

And crushes are lived so shortly.

And last night, I thought of her. I thought of the impenetrable darkness and the gaping hole between our spooning bodies; if I try to turn over, I may fall eternally into the abyss of endless atmosphere enclosed by our figures. I thought of the chill of her fingers loosely dangling over my shoulder, and the goosebumps of cold flesh I could feel within the warmth of her arm draped over my back. I thought, for a moment, of the days when, without prompt, she eagerly embraced me as we lie in bed as though I were a treasure she would never chance being stolen in the dead of night.

Now she is lost. I am shepherd missing a sweet, soft lamb standing melancholy atop a hill. I recognize her absence, but know not where she's gone.

To miss what is beside you, and fill with sadness as you drift to sleep.

I thought.

There's always something in my room, and I can't figure out what it is. The scratching on the walls never stops. It's constant and frightening, like a wolf is at my door, desperately clawing at the wood and trying to get in. I always wonder, as I lay in bed cuddling my cat, if I'll ever see the source of the noise. Something in me hopes I do, but mostly, I just hope it stops so I can fall asleep....

Before I Sleep

I lay down and stay awake

Until my mind is free

And there opens little doors

To my memories

i’m awake can’t sleep i should’ve done this i should’ve done that i’m hungry but i'll wake them up classes tomorrow but i want to ditch but i have to graduate i need a job i want money there are things i want to buy but there’s only 5 bucks in my wallet should i ask mom for money she’s going to yell again i’m tired can’t sleep i’ve inherited my dad’s insomnia promised my friend to go to her birthday party but i don’t feel like going never did i don’t want to be alone please please please let me sleep have to wash the clothes on wednesday before going to the interview remember to smile no that smile’s too creepy don’t wipe your sweaty palms on your jeans please breathe god i’m so tired closing my eyes will only make my thoughts louder how do i tell my mother i want to drop out of school the stress is killing me put me out of my misery i just want to sleep god i’m such a mess and it's only 2 am blah