Jimmy Crack Corn
The hound dog did this all night long-
He barked and howled a horrid song
Until I rose with no relief
And suffered from my sleepless grief.
The matter was a simple sport-
The neighbors were at odds, of sort
And one had such a lovely thing
In heat that made the hound dog sing!
The morning I arose to find
The lonely doggies bump and grind
Because I had released the noose-
The night before, I turned them loose
As wanton lust was made to do,
I sat and watched the hound dogs screw.
The neighbors called the cops on me,
But I just used fatigue, my plea,
And nothing filed and nothing charged-
The two dogs loved and in I barged
To find a place my heart could keep
As after weeks, I got some sleep ...
Oh By Golly Gee (Fuck Off and Die)
Oh dear me, Amanda, the birds are a'singing
The sun's all a'shine
Is that a glimmer you've brought
By the light of your eye?
Have you blessings of angels
To write out today
With a harpsichord love dove
Guiding home hearts all astray?
(Well, let's see here, cunt
How 'bout ya go back to sleep
Take your happy pill fuck fest
And hang yourself in your sheets
You're a burnt out old sag
Your poetry sad shit and crippled
And please put on a bra, bitch
So the floor don't chafe your nipples)
Why, you ol' kidder, Amanda
Always with your venom a'spew
Here, sweetheart, have a muffin
I've got organic chamomile a'brew
For you, a masterful sonnet of love
Lesson to ease your self-vengence
My verbage flawless and fresh, dear
Why, you must find your redundance a hindrance?
(Take your sonnet and shove it
Right up your deep valley of ass
And try not to get lost in the craters
Of that grandiose mass
Your floral, putrid, vomitous bull
Plays fast track on repeat
Prescription is "go suck a cock"
And don't call me next week)
Oh Amanda, my darling!
Are you on the defensive?
Has your failure to rhyme
Left a stitch in your senses?
I can demonstrate to you, sweetie
The eloquence of superior flow
I find wealth in the charity
Of helping you grow
(Ha! Is that what you call
Your dog shit heap of emissions?)
I'd say, with all due respect,
It's finer than petty churned out renditions
(And your "lullabye" fuckworted
Gagworthy sugar is pretention)
Easier received than below primary
Self-indulgent fantasy fiction
(Why don't ya break out dusty old dildo
And relieve your do-gooder tension?)
Can you not dredge up an insult without
Elementary sexual mention?
(Says the poor little tight-twatted
Prude in need of a hard dickin')
Oh, too far, Amanda
You're just displeased with your writes
(I would recommend in your uptight position
An up-the-ass for three nights)
Silly cow
(Whore)
Your humor is hard try!
(Haha! You know you love it.)
Get lost
(Go to hell)
How about you just fuck off and die?