I’m marching under flowing skirt of death

after smoking and drinking my existence away

        Whiskey, whiskers, whisked away

fateful initiation to my hastened demise.

Why, oh why, didn’t I take care of myself?

I will be sailing with the free spirits soon

        Whiskey, whiskers, whisked away

floating above, I’ll look down at my friends.

This note is to warn you that you won’t

still be here, I’m taking you with me

         Whiskey, whisker, whisked away

Together we’ll skim above our friends.

I’ve lost my appetite thinking of death -

But I could use a big shot of whiskey!

This chapter will fold as autumn leave's fall

Forgive me for penning this tragedy

I lie in the edge chagrined, to a degree, at peace

There’s a memory of charming innocence 

A moment rich with laughter and magic cares

The picture of childhood dancing far away

I was verdant as a leaf; naive

Innocence quickly grew stale, yet you stayed

Even when I wrestled forces of coming of age

Had the ticks of time been louder in my ear

Had this bold indomitable hour visible to the eye

Would I have waged a fiery unfading warfare

Would I have trembled to speak or supplicate

Perhaps it would've kindled up my wills to live

But now, here I lie, trounce to a seedling

I sought in vain for wrinkles in my path 

something worth revising, a knot to even out,

Or a crooked fate to smoothen with grace

A fault that if I had not made, x-rays would’ve come out clean

Most sadly ’tis ventures that I've readily forgotten

I will pen you one last notice; then, my eyes ’ll shut forever

Do not lament the expiry of my ravished body

It’s been long in coming, hear my confession now

How I lived, years upon years in reverse

Your love I locked within, and without declaration

As these bones ignite with final flicker of motion

I begin to wonder the gist of own narrative

Tears fall in waves, it feels like I’ve been drifting parallel to the very thing I would've sacrificed everything to procure

Try not to seek for a medic to fix my fever

A long prognosis flaps beneath my bed

Before me now stands a fitting catacomb

I shall leap in, I’m a willing apprentice

You will find my tufted hair in a drawer

Sear it in hot embers and toss the ashes at sea

but still I forbid cries of pain, 

just to behold a face so fair

Pray admire my vernal ventures 

even in the depths of despair

Do not wonder why I did not say a word

To your face, I could never say it loud

In vain I strove to shield your heart from this bane

You know I ran tracks, what's oblivious to you

 is that I was racing a disease, a little too late

for me to say,

but this disease was so stealth in its endeavor

so I couldn't even get the chance to say

Piece by piece, I was pulverized

till a gaunt caricature was carved

If life I contain yields today, bury me at once without ceremony

I hold dear every thrilling memory 

the day your eyes made a debut in mine

I was ignited, and the thrill still stirs in me

that even in my death, my soul'll be here

you're not alone!

I never really thought I could die. I'm young, and life stretched out for me like an endless expanse of road, the kind found in the country- flat and straight but with so much opportunity and beauty. To think that I would die some day was impossible to me.

I am the embodiment of the teenage cliché.

Yet, by means I will not go into, I now not only recognize I will die, but I know it will be soon. I can't say anything to you while I'm here, but I hope you find this when I'm gone because there are things I need to say, and I need to know they were received.

I'm not quite ready to die.

I have a pile of letters and stories and poems on that little black box you always asked about. You can open it now. Please do. Please read every written word contained inside. I think you might realize some things I never told you.

I have secrets that I don't want to keep.

The box should be sitting on a pile of notebooks. Read those as well. I wrote a lot of beginnings, but no endings. I'll let you do those. Let my characters live out their stories. Please don't let them hang in suspension eternally.

My characters mean more than I do, in the end.

Share my words everywhere you can. Maybe my body can't go on, but in many ways my thoughts can. I don't care if no one knows my name, but I don't want my being to be forgotten. I want to make a difference.

Words are the essence of being.

I don't need a fancy funeral. Donate my organs, let them be helpful. I might be dead, but most of me should still work with a proper system. I want to be cremated. Scatter me in the winds. They say death is an adventure, after all.

Practicality will make me happiest.

Thank you, and I'm sorry.

You'll be fine without me.

You never really needed me.

And when I die, don’t let me perish,

Remember all my lively days,

Within your heart forever cherish,

The memories of my lovely ways.

When I return in form of spirit,

And whisper words against your ear,

Do not pretend you didn’t hear it,

Do not deny that I am near.

For in my life I saw it clearly,

My body soon would rest below,

The flesh eventually grows weary,

But not the everlasting soul.

If I ever die too soon

To never live my life complete

Wear white suits and white dresses

For the last time we meet

And don't waste away in tears

When there's nothing to be sad

About celebrating a life

And the memories we had

Throw a party, make it wild

Or find those happy places

Anything, Anything

To keep smiles on your faces

Because I'd rather you be happy

About a life so brief

Then to know that my passing

Would cause you all this grief

If I die young,

Hold my funeral in a trampoline park so everyone will smile. Make sure to eat ice cream and chocolate and almonds so you think of me every day. Watch all the Harry Potter movies in a row, I want to know how long it takes. Run a marathon, so you can say you did it. Smile as much as possible, even when your down, so you can share your beautiful smile with the world. Write a letter to me in heaven every day, so I know how your day was. And make sure you follow your dreams too, because even adults need to have fun.

If I die now,

Hold my funeral in a forest. Where the trees are surrounding me, and the leaves with coat my gravestone. Burry me close to the river, so I can always hear it's song. But most of all, make sure there's music. Music that will harmonize with the river, to form the most lovely melody. Write a letter to Jesus, and lay it in my hands, so I can take it to heaven for you.

If I die old,

Burry me by the playground, so I can hear the song of child's play. So little children can ask they're parents why it's there and they don't know why. To remind them they don't know everything. Lay flowers on my grave every Monday, to brighten your day. Marry a good woman. Make sure you smile. Always smile my child. Always follow you dreams.

Always.

THE STRUGGLING has REACHED

thee ends -

to find some positive diagnosis;

the drained hologram,

the fatigue reddened shoulders,

undulating surges

that rapidity of thumb taps….

However it should happen,

to recover from some

knockout blow by Mezmerino

or whomever; there I want to refuel

and pick myself straight into

into all the depravation of tragedy

of salaries unattainable

and reality of art untouchable;

because in no way will I suffer

anymore,

plight.

Not so much scared of the Doctor

and whitecoats or even the tests

and treatments maybe,

the medieval tortures I shall be;

but the bill terrifies me.

Blow up the hospitals.

I could all curl, fetal,

writhing in pain

in the middle of

a claustrophobic operation..

But in the vacancy,

and the inability to feel good

endorphins coursing these veins,

as if my world has been

constructed, resurrected;

and through glorious paint brushes

just form me and my era;

go absorb with as much awe

as if time were so ancient

yet on the pulp a brand new text

as if Rome were still there

albeit in pieces; as if Atlantis surfaced

like my city … my people, my giving.

Anyway,

yeah so but not so much that I do not

want to suffer but I want to be remembered

for more than what he said to me,

“to see these places

that still exist. Ruins and remains.

And unearth the past and reconstruct

Things.” Oh how he turned to me

Then turned me away.

In so many ways, as if there

would be one . . . .

“well there are many tests

we can do. But without any

insurance, it can be real expensive...”

—“I would like to be sure

before it spreads….whatever it is.”

Oh don’t be silly, doc. It is nothing.

“Everything will be alright.”

Except the slow sinking feeling.

Dear family, friends, loved ones, 

It's astounding how freeing this is...

And how unreal it seems too.

In a few days, I'll leave this world

But I'll have to leave all of you.

I won't tell you days ahead, 

You won't know until the morning 

That you see me lying, presumably dead. 

I wouldn't want to worry you before I have to. 

This is probably a shock to everyone, 

So here's a note saying I'm ready

I'm okay now, my life is done,

I've gone on to whatever lies ahead. 

Shit, when I started writing I imagined this would be a dramatic goodbye.

I thought writing was my talent! Sorry about that. 

At my funeral, I really hope you don't cry. 

I'll be watching from above, so don't miss me too much. 

I think I'm starting to miss you guys already, 

Mom's compassion, Dad's humor, 

God, I better not cry. This is supposed to be happy. 

I've had a short life, but if this is my time, I can't change it.

And yeah, there were times I wanted to die

Times when I felt so low that I almost hit the ground

Now I'm remembering the things I forgot. I'm not gonna lie, 

Life is pretty fun. Don't waste it. 

You're probably reading this after I go;

So here's to planning the funeral:

I don't want the music to be slow. 

I want a big reception at the end, 

Lots of cookies. 

And lastly, I love you I love you I love you, 

Don't ever forget that

I'll remember you, so remember me too,

Hopefully this heaven thing is for real, 'cause I'm ready to party with Jesus.

Dammit, I'm crying again.

Love,

Angelie

I don't know how but I think the sand in my hourglass is almost caput. I thank you for giving days filled with a lot to learn and experience. And also all the people I got to know along the way. Most of all I thank you for sending me one of your very own angels who I got to call as Mum.

Wow! How time flies. I was lucky to get to wander and explore your own creation- This world. It's a lovely place. So amazing. Full of variety of different cultures, people, customs, traditions and such a wide range of languages too. Now I am looking forward to see what the greater dwelling place-Heaven-is like.

I spoke with my folks at home and they were shocked to hear me say goodbye. They think that I may be going crazy. But in reality it's the truth. I am certain for sure that my time has come.

Now for my last final words before I depart. I must say that I hope that my little sister is waiting for me at the gates of your heavenly kingdom. We had a chance to be with her for but only for a real short while. I can't wait to see her. I'm sure you've been taking really great care of her. Sadly, the medical team here all tried their best to help her. They did not succeed. Why didn't they check to see if her heart was fully developed? Ugh(sigh). I guess You knew the problem already and You decided to just have her back. Right? Anyway I am grateful for this life that i had to live. It was pretty good. Hope my friends and family will all behave & are looking forward to join me as well in the after life.

Your wandering sheep,

M.

(P.S. I would like to join the ministry of Angel service after my departure here on earth. I can't wait!)