To the Rescue
“Ayyyyiiee, no, oh please not Lolita Lane!” The scream echoed and re-echoed through the stillness of the night as Super Bomb bent over the bloody carcass of what had once been the lovely reporter. Moments later, he was joined in his devastating distress in the middle of his driveway, by Bat Eye, his elderly consort and partner. (Yes, it’s true they were now using their super powers on the other side of the fence because they had tired of the super dames.) But this! This was the ultimate horror to find her spread eagled on the driveway with tire tracks running down her torso! After all, she had been his wife at one time before he had skipped to the other side.
“Gadzooks!” wailed Bat Eye. “This is the mark of The Comedian-I’d recognize those specialized tire tracks anywhere.”
And sure enough, clutched in her hands, was a list of three other super females with the words printed in large block letters, “They are next! She Bulk, Electra Vibes, and Invisible Dame! You stole them from me and now they are dead meat on a platter!” It was signed by the recognizable smiling clown face with which they had once been so familiar.
Super Bomb and Bat Eye were shaking with such emotion that they could hardly stand up. To tell you the truth, they were getting a little long in the tooth and would have to call in help. Why was it that they had aged and the Super Babes had stayed the same? Oh the miracles of plastic surgery and bathing in their miraculous fountain of youth!
Yes, Super Bomb could no longer catch a speeding bullet, engage the power of a locomotive or jump over tall buildings. He could barely hobble his wizened body on his old cane. Bat Eye now had difficulty fighting his war on crime; in fact, he spent his time reading old comic books from the glory days. But they knew they still had their mental faculties.
“Let’s call in the super bimbos,” suggested Super Bomb.
Soon, the glorious Wonder Chick was at their beck and call. “Well you know, I am usually the ambassador for peace and a fearsome warrior but this is just down my alley! I’ve been eating my power bars and working out and I liked that old broad, Lolita. I’ll use my Lasso of Verity and my Amazon bracelets. Just have to dig them out of the closet (like the closet you guys are in, she couldn’t help adding with a smirk!)”
“Let’s come up with a plan!” uttered Super Bomb as he adjusted his false teeth. “We must rid this planet once and for all of the dastardly Comedian! We’ll use Wonder Chick as bait. Just get your musty waist cincher out of storage – you’re beginning to get that middle aged spread!”
Angrily, Wonder Chick corseted herself into her former voluptuous costume, picked up her cellphone and called The Comedian, “Hi, babe, doing anything special tonight? Meet me out by the docks at the Bay and we’ll have a little fun.”
“You’re not on my list!” The Comedian retorted. But he couldn’t pass up the visions of sensuality and lust coursing through his head. Well, they really coursed elsewhere but that was self-evident. “I’ll meet you at 11:00 P.M. on the pier.”
Now the super heroes could set their trap. They hobbled to the pier and loosened some boards, sticking some sharp iron spikes into the water, protruding about 3 feet. For good measure, they sprayed bacteria on the spikes. Now everything was in place. Who said old super heroes couldn’t learn new tricks?
Super Bomb and Bat Eye toddled over to the boat house that night and hid near the windows to watch. Soon, they saw the Comedian roaring up in his clown car where he skidded to a stop at the foot of the pier. Spying the beauteous Wonder Chick strutting her wares at the end of the dock, he sauntered lazily toward her, so as to not appear too anxious, but ran the last few steps full of ardor and hopefulness! Just at the last moment, the acrobatic Wonder Chick leapt to the other side of the dismantled boards as The Comedian watched in horrified dismay the wood cracking and funneling him into the water where he was impaled like a hot dog on the sticks, meeting his very pointed end. It is said that if you listen closely, you can still hear ethereal moaning and shrieking at night out on the Bay but I can’t verify this for certain.
Wonder Chick went back to her exciting life and sent her costume out for dry cleaning while Super Bomb and Bat Eye headed home to their hot toddies and their scrapbooks of times past in their glory days. But would this be their last adventure? They thought not!