Light slants personably across my desk, draping warmly over my elbow and onto the floor. It glints too, off the finish of your guitar, which I laid yesterday in the center of my room. I gaze at it as I write, or attempt to write, a letter to you. The only word I have scratched onto my paper so far is Dear. And even that I hesitate over, uncertain if I am still allowed to call you that. Now I dip my pen gently into the ink, letting dark pearls drip slowly from the tip. And I write:

Is it possible...

- and I suppose dear, that you are the only one who knows the answer to this-

...that you still love me?

I have already confessed. Now my heart feels like the wavering cobweb suspended in the corner of my window- uncertain if it has been abandoned. I leave the web there because I appreciate the resemblance.

I turn around in my chair. The rosewood of your guitar begs my fingers to run across it's neck again, but I do not want to give in to the desire until I know your answer. Slowly, I tug my eyes away from it. It is only an instrument after all, it should not be so hard.

Outside, the leaves have begun to curl and saturate with warm colors in the cool air. They swirl in lovely spirals. The season reminds me of the aroma of your steamy, morning coffee that fogs your glasses when you try to drink it too early. I decide to add two more words to the letter:

If so...

And there again I hesitate. If you do still love me, then what else is there to question? I scratch the words out- the first question is the only one I really want to ask you.

I ease open the desk drawer, letting it's protesting screech ring out into the empty house. I begin again on a fresh sheet of paper, not wanting you to see my conflicting, uncertain thoughts. We could be like that, you know. Like a new peice of paper. I think that that is really what I am asking you. Can we?

As I slip the letter with the single question -written to Dear, signed Yours- into its envelope, I wonder- is it your little secret? Will I be declined an honest, straightforward answer?

And then the letter is in the mailbox.

My slippered feet pad up the stairs again, and I pick up your guitar, dear. I think that if you love me, you will not mind if I play it, and if you do not, then I won't care about what you have to say on the subject. So, now I am playing your song on your guitar, and I will probably still be sitting here, singing hoarsely the day your response arrives. And if it never does...?

Well I do not think about that. While the question is still unanswered-

Is it possible that you still love me?

-I may cling to the hope that you do.

Song: Quelqu'un m'a dit - Carla Bruni

When I was younger, I always wanted to make my name known. I wanted people to look at me and say "look! It's Andy!" I wanted to have freinds that I could play with and talk to. I wanted to be something that mattered to someone. Instead, I was no one.

I had glasses and still liked to wear sketchers. I didn't really fit in. I wasn't buff like other guys, had no talents (unless being able to peal an orange in under a minute counts), and had no friends. I sat alone and timed myself on pealing oranges. That was my life.

I was walking home from school, and I happened to notice I had gotten a new neighbor. I knew everyone in the neighborhood, and I have never seen this family before. My parents confirmed that they were new and that we should go meet them. Being someone who doesn't get along well with others due to my strange character, I disagreed and took a nap instead.

When I woke up, I heard people in my house. In a panic, and tried to hide because the odds of me taking down someone was equal to an ant beating the strength of a shoe. Instead of slowly getting up, I tripped on my blanket and end up making the loudest sound possible. "Im dead" I thought "This the end". My mother opens my door within 20 seconds of my tumble, but is not alone.

She is in the company of a female who looks to be my age. I couldn't see that well because my glasses were now under the bed, but I could see an outline of the female. Mom tells me to get dressed, because I guess my shorts are not clothes, and be downstairs to meet the new family.

I grabbed my glasses and threw some jeans on, and then headed downstairs. I can clearly see everyone now, and that girl is all I saw. I sit at the table and wait for my mom to introduce me until I couldn't wait any longer. I stand back up and walk over to the family and introduce myslef. "Hello! My name is Andy Darner! What might your names be?" I could care less about the adults. All I cared about was her name. "Hi, I'm Emma. Emma Anderson," she says. Her voice was so shy, but beautiful.

The whole time we were eating, I was trying not to stare at her. I didn't want to freak her out, so I looked at my fork. At the corner of my eye, I would see her look up at me, and then back down. We finish eating and our parents tell us to go socialize with eachother. I start to panic because I didn't know what to do. What if she isn't into me? We go to my room and play chess for a bit, until I broke the silence.

I wanted to ask her where she was from, but instead I sounded like a creep, saying "you have beautiful eyes!" WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I look down and she starts to laugh. That's it, I'm done for. she already thinks I'm a joke. She looks at me and says "I saw you looking at me at dinner." Ok, so I am confused and dont know what to do and end up blushing a lot. Blushing is manly. "You know," she says, "I'm no expert, but I can tell that you like me, I can see it in your eyes."

Before she leaves, we exchange numbers. We texted every day. eventually I got the guts to ask her out. We started to sit with eachother at lunch more and were happy. I learned more about her. She was from Arkansas and was an only child. Her dad died of cancer when she was 6 and her mom still never got over it. I have never been able to listen to someone speak or have someone listen to me. A month goes by and I tell her I love her.

Senior year flies by and off to college we go. We were your typical college couple. we went out and drank a bit. Sometimes a little too much drinking, but we were still happy. When the nights were clear, we would go on walks in the park with a blanket, and just relax. We would talk about what we planned for the future ahead of us. We wanted kids and a house in the country. Under the stars we would lay. Hours would fly by and we would still be there.

Our final year of college is over and I knew what I had to do. This is the most amazing women I have ever met and I cant imagine losing her, so I did the scariest thing I have ever done. "Emma, I got you this." I handed her a little box with a ribbon. She opens it, and I get on one knee. "Emma Anderson. Through this magical journey of life, I have never met someone who makes me as happy as you. I fell in love with you and can't imagine a life without you. Will you marry me?" She starts to cry and takes my hand and says "Yes".

Life was going great. Our dream was coming true. We both got good paying jobs and bought a house in Kentucky. We were happy. After we were settled in for a bit, we both decided it was time to start a family, and that is when you came in. Your mom was pregnant with you and together we would bet on what your gender would be and think of different names. When we found out you were going to be a boy, we both decided that your name shall be William Kane Darner. But shortly after you were born, things changed.

Your mother started to feel ill. Worried, we went to the doctors. As I waited your mother finally comes back. She didnt look well. Her eyes were normally light brown, but they were now fogged and covered in tears. She held you as I drove us home, playing with your little hands.

When we get home, she puts you down so you can sleep, and sits at the kitchen table. "I need to tell you a terrible thing. It seems that I am sick and only have weeks". I take her hands and start to cry. The woman I loved was being taken from me, and there was nothing I can do. How..how is this possible? How did this happen?" I wisper. She starts to cry with me and we both try to figure out how to make her last few weeks the best as possible. All she wanted as to stay with you. She loved you with all of her heart.

One morning, your mom wasn't able to get up. she was in so much pain, she couldn't move. We call an ambulance and they quickly lod her in the back. I put you in your car seat and followed close behind. When we got to the hospital, something had gone wrong. she wasn't able to breathe on her own as much. her heart wasnt keeping a steady beat. She was in so much pain, they put her into a coma just so she can feel relief. We stayed next to her in that room. A week passes by, and she starts to wake up. for the first time in a week I see your mothers eyes. she smiles and looks at us. She begins to cry as she speaks. "Andy, I need you to promise me something. Promise me you will let that precious baby know I loved him. Tell William everyday that mommy loved him." I start to cry and try to tell her everything is going to be okay and that she will be able to tell him everyday, but before I can finish, she starts to speak again. "Andy, please don't be sad. I really believe you were the greatest thing that has ever happened to me." I take her hand as she starts to close her eyes and her heart rate drops. I scream for the doctors. I hear the heart monitor go flat and I am pushed out of the room.

I fell to my knees and prayed for your mother, but God had already called her back. I screamed as they told me she was gone. I refused to leave. I held you close as you cried and said how much mommy loved you.

Now son. Im only telling you this because life can do terrible things. Don't fall in love because there is too much to lose. Please, for your sake listen to me. Don't fall in love. I beg that you choose to walk away and let her go. I can't bare to see what happened to your mother happen to you. Please, Im only telling you this because life can do terrible things. You'll learn one day, but I hope and Ill pray that God will show you differently.

Song: Terrible Things by Mayday Parade