Has you world ever been turned upside down? Have you ever found yourself in a 180 degree position on something? For always, I would say, if asked, “There is no food I hate except anchovies.” Then one day, I ate one by accident, and said “What is that exquisite taste?” It shocked the hell out of me.

When I became friends with Cheryl, decades ago, my view on friendship also did a 180. Not right away of course, because a shared history takes time and plays a role in the strength of a relationship. Before I met her, friends felt at times burdensome; just too much drama. Who needs too much drama in their life? I had people I called friends and was social enough, but I could never really let anyone “in.” It was as if I was playing a role in a bad play, acting, but never truly playing an authentic character, the role of me. Until Cheryl.

The credit for the change in my view on friendship 100 percent goes to Cheryl. What was different about her than all the “friends” that came in and out of my life before I met her? Her authenticity, her loyalty and unconditional friendship. Because she gave the gift of herself to me, I let her “in”, and gave the gift of myself to her.

Never ever did we fight. We disagreed, but we did so with grace. We lifted each other up at every juncture with encouragement and praise and as a bonus, we had fun. So often, we were silly and laughed till our sides hurt. It’s amazing how easy it is to laugh with someone when you feel at ease with them, at home. As well, when needed, we had a shoulder to cry on. It’s hard for me to imagine, just like the exquisite taste of that unexpected anchovy, that anyone would say NO to a friendship like ours.

Our friendship continues to this day. Sometimes a month can go by and we don’t talk or see each other; maybe just a text here and there, but the bond is unbreakable. What being friends with Cheryl has taught me is to enjoy people, to let them in and to be myself. All of us like doing our own thing. We have the business of life to take care of; consequently limits on time. Some of us are extroverts, some introverts, and maybe some of us are ambiverts, somewhere in between, but I’d say all of us could find value in a true friendship. I’d say I’m an ambivert. I really like my alone time, but I also, mainly because of Cheryl, see the value in connecting with people. She is a treasured gift and like anchovies made me believe in possibilities.

If you don’t have a Chery in your life, may you be blessed with one, and for the hell of it if you don’t like anchovies, well...that’s an unopened can for you to decide to open.

went shopping with a simple list;

all of what one would have wanted

...a la carte...

triple checked,

for what might be missed:

flowers, eggs, sugar, butter, salted triste... 

all the right ingredients disagreeably

holding out for a ready-mix.

Does friendship beyond the carton

some-where out-there really exist..?

...the perfect baked alaska...

that every lonely heart is as if

craving after:

all our purchase power

poured into a fancy stand mixer,

sounds so sinister;

but it turns out well several dozen

golden ginger breaded some ones

ringing the pavlov bell with heavenly

fi fie foe scent;

but I think we've set a fine table  

of content,

for cutting new wisdom teeth

into a shared experience,

paired humbly with own mugs

of understanding.

#Friends #Challenge

a friend is much like this….

the whispers that howl 
in the blowing wind 
but calms the storm 
that rages within

the most gentle touch 
upon your bruised skin
 and the softest light 
you’d love to read in

the words under your breath 
that no one has heard 
and the only pen 
that gets all of your words

the blank page to fill 
that never runs out of space
 and unbridled laughter 
that leaves an ache on your face

the coziest slippers 
you always wanna wear
 and the bobbie pin placed 
just right in your hair

a snowflake that lands 
precisely 
on the tip of your tongue
 and that family photo 
that finally gets hung

delicious hot chocolate 
in your favorite blue mug
 a reunion that ends 
with the biggest bear hug

the sweet little giggle
 in the midst of a silent room 
and the look of reassurance
 that couldn’t come too soon

your old photo album 
with perfect worn out edges
 and the warmest embrace
 through life’s painful stages

cold fingers embracing 
a cup of hot coffee
 some chocolates 
some wine
 and that new girlie movie

your most favorite song 
when you turn on the radio
 a friend…
the hand that you cling to
 and never let go

It doesn’t matter the size,

the color,

the nationality;

all that counts is the willingness

to open a heart,

stretch out a hand

and be there when needed,

without being asked.

Friends,

it is a shame

there aren’t enough

to go around for everyone.

i wonder why i don’t have true friends

but then i realize,

i’m not a true friend.

maybe it’s because i’ve been taught that life is

everyone for themselves,

where only the most cutthroat people

survive.

so i’ll be nice if we have to work together.

genuinely nice.

but once that deadline is met,

goodbye.

and sometimes, i wish

i could change that mindset of mine.

but maybe it’s for the best.

after all,

i don’t need friends

when friends get in the way of success

and success

earns money

and money

drives donations

and donations

contribute to a

better world.

The currents that drag me

Have left you untouched.

Friend, I feel remote, forgotten.

Where are the things, those cues

That we shared, standing our ground,

Apart from the rest of the jerks?

Meeting you, today, is not the same,

The fossil of our bond remains

But the soft tissue eroded.

I did not wish it to be the same,

Truly, I regret our parting greatly.

You, who has taught me so much,

Are gone, even though you remain.

Even though the airport meet,

Even though the keep in touches.

But, somehow I see:

A distant time to come,

Where the core of our acquaintance

Stripped of our departure,

Will show itself anew.

they always say we’re friends

friends, before anything else

they always lie

sometimes it’s slow, subtle

others it’s quick, obvious flirtation

sometimes they become bitter

trying to turn me into a lesser version of myself

to appease their broken egos

“she’s smarter than you”

“i’m stronger than you”

“she can sing better than you”

“she is prettier than you”

until they twist my essence into something timid; something afraid of the world

others, they ignore me, I didn’t happen

couldn’t be possible

after all, who am I?

I shouldn’t matter to them, so suddenly I don’t

because if I’m not interested, I’m not worth being friends with

I just don’t have enough value as a person

each one, they claw and scratch at me

verbally, mentally, tearing me apart

slowly but surely making me aware

of how little I am worth

after all, if I just want a friend that’s too bad

I’m just a pretty face

"You have to be a friend to have a friend."

This is what she told me.

We happily planned outings together.

Later she would tell me the fun she had when she went early and without me.

She did this repeatedly to me.

What in the world was happening here?

I gave up and stopped calling her.

Some time later, when she realised I was absent from her life, she question me.

I question her about her past actions.

She denied what she had done.

Still she asked ,"Why have you not reached out to me?"

My reply," You have to be a friend to have a friend."

You have not been my friend...

I am done.

#@demcmurphy,#friends,