I wish I could smile
without feeling like a liar.
My lips do not shape the half crescent moon you see in the array of stars,
without a treacherous amount of convincing.
A mixture of guilt and regret brew,
curling my mouth into a heartless abyss
that can never be genuine.
I wish I could be proud of my accomplishments,
rather than loath myself for everything i am not.
I wish my heart would pulse pride through my veins every time i breath,
Because breathing is a sign of life,
A signification that I am still here today.
That is something to be proud of.
I wish I could see that i am,
the truth within the definition of success.
I would trade all my possessions,
and everything I have ever been,
for an un-cracked mirror if acceptance.
I wish I could understand,
that I am my own definition of beautiful.
It’s like a cage.
Separating her from happiness
All she can feel is pain
Her cage, although solid and strong,
Because she feels like no one cares to look
And if someone
Slips through the bars of her cage
She thinks that they care.
She trusts them.
And then they turn on her.
And leave her
Broken and alone
But it’s worse than before.
Because now she know what she’s missing.
And she can’t do anything about it.
Because her cage is back.
He took everything but the cage
And her life.
Since they didn’t take it,
She tries to.
But the cage holds.
And something always stops her from dying.
The memory of him stops her.
And then another breaks through the cage.
But she doesn’t let them in.
Making excuses to keep them away.
But they stay.
Waiting outside her cage for the day that she lets them in.
She doesn’t say it,
But she’s afraid.
She lets them in.
But it’s not the same.
She still hide things.
They tell her everything about them
She hides herself.
They tell you everything will be fine.
She tells them
She tell them about him.
They tell you they don’t care.
They still love you.
She loves them too.
But she’s still afraid.
They help her
With her sadness.
She remembers what it’s like to feel.
She’s almost getting better.
But fear holds her back.
They help bring back
And hell comes back.
They try to help her.
But he makes it harder.
She doesn’t love him.
But it hurts still.
Her old scars are reopened.
And no matter how they try.
They can’t heal them.
Can’t fix what’s wrong with her.
After a while they stop.
She thinks they will
But they don’t.
They stop trying to fix her.
But they surprise her.
They accept her.
For what she is.
She feels again.
The school means nothing.
She has them.
And the acceptance fixes her.
Who knew that was the only thing she needed?
She just needed someone to accept her.
What’s After Acceptance?
I guess you could say the fuse blew one say, and in the dark, I gave up trying to find a light. I feel as though I'm different. There is no light anymore, except the occasional flickers inspired by someone I loved once. Maybe I still do, so I hit against flint hoping for something more than sparks. I rarely get flames anymore. Nothing ignites me. Nothing makes the connection. The final element is missing. Maybe I am so used to depending on someone to pour gasoline and make me try again, but that time has long passed. No one has the money to waste on me. No one wants to try with me anymore. why would they? I broke the biggest promise I'd made during my first bad mental break. I remember looking in a dark mirror and promising myself I would never be in that place again. But, now when I see myself in the mirror, I see a monster, and I think I've just accepted that she's here to stay.