For the past year and a half I have attempted to prepare and eat "real food" - i.e., no more boxed meals, microwaved bowls, bars on the run, canned chili or soup, etc. Everything has to be made, although the ingredients can be frozen, pre-washed/chopped, or canned so long as they're whole ingredients and not fake/processed copies.

My hunting pattern at the grocery store consists of a wide loop around the outskirts, where the vegetables and meat lay, while avoiding the aisles upon aisles packed with variations of sugar and carbs. After awhile, shopping became less a leisurely, strolling activity and more a covert sting operation, darting in and out with my preset shopping list before dangerous temptations could lure me in.

This felt like a major achievement for me, shifting my dietary habits over and committing to cooking more meals.

Then I signed up for a fitness app paid for by my insurance....

I was tasked to log all my daily meals - not to count the calories, just to keep track of what I ate. I could even just take a picture if I felt too lazy to type details. My meal log would be checked / rated daily by an assigned fitness coach, to offer feedback on my choices.

HA! I thought proudly, I will rock this! And I began to put in my new, healthier meal plans.

I thought.

- There was a donut at work [fun coach tip: you should drink a glass of milk with sweets so the fat in the milk offsets the insulin spike]

- There was a chocolate at work (ok, maybe two....)

- There were several days of drinks, and not just a heart-healthy glass of red wine but a carb-heavy stout or two

- My Jamba Juice extra-protein smoothies were apparently just sugar, with all the nutritional content of the fruits removed beyond what designer whey protein powder could salvage [fun coach tip: nothing besides wheat grass shots is actually healthy at Jamba or any other trendy smoothie shop, you should just make your own smoothies]

- There were lazy pizza nights [fun coach tip: pizza toppings may be healthy but the crust destroys all that, it was recommended to scrape the toppings from one slice onto another and eat fewer slices that way]

- My rice crackers still counted as "carbs"

- There was sugar both in my whole milk AND my peanut butter

After the first month I felt a bit bewildered, but surprisingly I managed to drop a few pounds. Apparently, the little sugar indulgences I had always assumed as harmless actually added up quite a bit. Moreover, checking ingredient packages for sugar, I felt betrayed by the so-called "health foods" I'd snacked on for ages. Protein and cereal bars? Riddled with carbs and sugar - avoid them. Dried fruit/leather? Total sugar with all nutritional fiber content removed, nope. Salads? Rendered completely unhealthy by the sugar-packed dressing packet that made all those near-dead veggies edible. Whole grain? Still a grain - try again.

I ended up finding a few quick fixes that kept my coach happy : cucumber slices with tahin spice, rolled salami pieces with goat cheese, mini bell peppers straight outta the bag instead of crackers. I could eat dark chocolate in small quantities, so I stocked up on healthier trail mix varietals and used those in huge heaps while I fought my sweettooth.

It's still a labor of love, since none of this healthy eating comes with a drive thru or a delivery option. Most requires at least a little prep work, although I've gotten as creative as I can. Social outtings are all BYOD - bring your own diet. And I find myself craving old favorites somedays when the dry rice cracker substitutes just don't cut it.

One thing's for sure though - sugar is everywhere. I look at the grocery store now amazed that I only grew up moderately overweight. How the heck do families on a budget do this? How do you juggle screaming children and not grab a Go-Gurt? How do you find time to cook a meal - without pasta or ketchup - that children will eat after an eight-hour workday? How do you make it through the stress-inducing world we live in and not fall victim to the carefully curated halls of comfort carbs and Coke?

If anyone can answer those questions, you're a public health genius.

For now, I'm planning my next sting operation and might get some camoflauge grocery bags for the hunt.

White, brown,

Crystalline, toffee,

In liquid form, in solid,

Even in gas.

You killed me,

You robbed me,

You blew all my chances,

I drooled over you,

Since i could crawl,

I waited for you, as reward,

I stole and hid you, when none came,

I worshipped everything ,

Every product you contained,

Including the abominable licorice,

Which i ate desperately, in need of a fix,

Including the unholy mint flavored sweets,

A “present” from a heartless aunt,

Including the expired syrup,

Including the sour smelling soda,

Including the rat poison.

Thank you.