My body is my biggest insecurity because no matter how I look at it, it always looks the same. I skip lunch too frequently, minimizing my portions for other meals, and exercise daily. I endure loose fitting clothing, jokes about how small I am, and hunger pains. But most of all, I endure the loud voice in my head telling me I’m too big.

Another insecurity I have is my sexual preference. So what if I like girls and guys, we are all different and who I want to fuck doesn’t matter to anyone but me. I constantly live with the burden of living in the closet, afraid to share a part of my identity with the wrong person.

I absolutely hate how my emotions are all scrambled up. How I can’t tell the difference between happy and sad and angry and loving and playful and any other feeling. How I don’t understand what I feel everyday but perfectly understand how others feel. A little thing called Empathy is my boggest crutch in life as that is the only way I understand what any of the mess inside of me means.

I hate how much I hate myself. I hate that I only see my flaws and am too blind to see how much I am worth. All I hear from myself is “too fat, worthless, unimportant, disappointmen all around.” I ignore all the good things my friends say about me, how I light up their day, how pretty my smile is, how welcome I made them feel when we first met. They continue to try to life me up and carry me, but I stubbornly fight them on it. And I hate that.

I despise my inability to seek help because I am too scared to ask for it. Because I feel guilty for needing help. How I can’t bring myself open up to someone about what is killing me from the inside. How I hurt myself so I don’t hurt others because what’s inside of me is too powerful to keep contained.

Everyone sit down and by the time you're done reading this i will have learned you a thing about me or in other words some random writer on the internet that you had no idea exsisted until today. Hi you can call me T and let me tell you about 2 of my biggest insecurities.

Number 1: My personality! the problem here is i have no idea who i am. I get in with a certin group of people and my persona changes entirely because i have gotten a bad habit of molding myself to other peoples liking which i am slowly breaking out of no matter how many years its been. But just saying if you saw me on the street and asked me who i was i wouldn't have a proper answer.

Number 2: I.AM.HUGE like stupid tall. They might have well have casted me for tall girl cause dang (side note that chick was not 6'1 because i'm 6'1 and just no.) . No i dont wear a size 13 but i do wear a size 11 and finding heels suck as well as the process of being judged for even considering to wear heels. Not only that if another person asks me if i play basketball im gonna pop off. But i would say the biggest (haha) challenge is findign clothes. i dont feel beautiful in anything and my pants are never long enough. Finding clothes online? ha nice try either to short or well too short. but hey what you gone do? i know eventually ill be much more comfortable with myself and my own body than i am right now and i cant wait for that day so well tuff it out till i finish high school.

Well theres nothing left to say other than thanks for learning about me in my next post i'll be talking about my intense social anxi-

Morning coffee and a loaf of bread

Monsters hiding underneath my bed

Couldn’t wait to see you burn in flame,

Hold on Maybe I can change who I am.

Scary voices inside my head,

Lurking shadows take my breath

Are you all right mister?

Here, take my hand.

Midnight talks and bills to pay

Nothing changes, but my own way

Now I see you’re the hunter and i’m your prey.

Hold on, let me change my name.

A few years have gone and past,

Never made it to the list of guests

I guess we skipped the part where we meet.

You look good, you have changed,

A few more worries made you age,

But baby, time just seems to fly.

Hey, You and me always say goodbye.

Open doors don’t push or pull

What’s meant to be won’t wait it’s turn.

I’d love you till the stars and moon collide.

Beyond the fire I stand, not tall, but free

There are things to feel, and things to see.

But Hold on. Here I am, who I want to be, who I’ve always been.

My worst insecurity? That's a hard one. Probably close to just about everything about me. I've always struggled with negative opinions of my physical appearance, but recently, I have also been worrying more about how others view my personality. For the purpose of not wasting everyone who is reading this' time, I will only talk about my most recent fears about how I act.

Being nice used to be the only reason that someone would ever want to be around me. I always try to be as nice as I can, because I know how much it sucks when someone random comes up to you and is a total jerk. People have even told me to be more mean before. That being said, this next part has been very confusing for me. A month or two ago, two girls in my grade have been going around behind my back and calling me mean. That is honestly one of the worst things that someone can say about me, because I know I'm not pretty, I know I'm not rich, and I know I'm not smart, but I try as hard as I can to be a good person and a good friend, and with one word someone can take all of that away.

The funny thing is that both of the two main people who have been saying those things have no reason to. The first one doesn't even know me. Sure, she might know my name from a friend, but we have never had a single conversation. Not one. The other one has had problems with me for a couple of years. Last year, we were friends, but that ended the moment that she decided that it would be fun to cyberbully me. I never did anything besides tell the counselor, not even while in the friendship, so she wouldn't have any reason to call me mean. If anyone was a bad person, it would be her. That just about sums up what my biggest insecurity is at the moment, but just keep in mind that if I had the time, I could have written a novel about my remaining insecurities.