Broken Bridges
All I asked was why he stopped making time for me. We had been friends since the third grade, but the start of our freshman year really put a damper on our friendship. Throughout the last three years, we have had our fair share of problems, but we always ended up together again.
We went through everything together. Being different from everyone else all of our lives, his coming out, his social transition, my coming out, our horrible parents, and I thought that we were inseparable. I guess I was wrong.
He wanted to spend time with Grace. I’ve never really liked her much, but this is for a reason. She turned all of my friends against me in the seventh grade, and then again in the eighth. I still try to be civil, but she doesn’t do quite the same. COVID has definitely been a big part of our fall out.
Grace’s older brother always goes out with large groups of people without distancing or wearing masks, and me, trying to be very cautious for the well being of my family, I don’t trust their family’s germs. That seems rude, but it’s true. Anyway, my formerly close friend wanted to spend time in person with Grace. I expressed at least three times that if he did, I would no longer be able to see him in person. That isn’t the only problem though. I wouldn’t make him choose between us, that would be a toxic trait. I would be fine with a phone call at least once a week, but of course, that isn’t what happened.
Anyway, going back a little bit, the day that my friend was going to invite Grace over, I was at his house. I had walked the 3 miles to his house with him after 7 am band rehearsal, and we spent the day doing schoolwork. I wanted to stay until 5 (an hour after I was originally going to leave), and I asked my dad to stay. He said yes, and everything was good until I was asked to leave. My friend and I had planned to stay together for the extra hour, but I guess he changed his mind. He said he wanted to invite Grace over soon, so just asked him if I should leave then (15 minutes before the original time I was going to leave), and he said yes. I definitely didn’t expect that! So, long story short, I texted my dad again and then waited about 45 minutes on his driveway for my dad to come to pick me up. It was just about as sad as it sounds.
After that, we really didn’t talk. We just sent streak pictures back and forth on Snapchat. That isn’t what is supposed to happen with best friends, it just isn’t. So I asked why he wasn’t making time for me. I was having a really hard time with my parents, and what did I get? No texts, no calls. I called him. I needed to talk. I wanted to kill myself, and the one person I trust wasn’t even calling me back. He didn’t even text me besides to ask why I called.
So I asked why he wasn't making time for me. I didn't get an actual answer, he just tried to shift the blame onto me somehow. It has been about two and a half weeks now, and we still haven't talked at all. I've had a couple of therapy sessions since this all started, and I've just been told to get over him. But it is hard. He is one of my few, and definitely my closest friend. I will just have to try my best to move on.
My Worst Insecurities
My worst insecurity? That's a hard one. Probably close to just about everything about me. I've always struggled with negative opinions of my physical appearance, but recently, I have also been worrying more about how others view my personality. For the purpose of not wasting everyone who is reading this' time, I will only talk about my most recent fears about how I act.
Being nice used to be the only reason that someone would ever want to be around me. I always try to be as nice as I can, because I know how much it sucks when someone random comes up to you and is a total jerk. People have even told me to be more mean before. That being said, this next part has been very confusing for me. A month or two ago, two girls in my grade have been going around behind my back and calling me mean. That is honestly one of the worst things that someone can say about me, because I know I'm not pretty, I know I'm not rich, and I know I'm not smart, but I try as hard as I can to be a good person and a good friend, and with one word someone can take all of that away.
The funny thing is that both of the two main people who have been saying those things have no reason to. The first one doesn't even know me. Sure, she might know my name from a friend, but we have never had a single conversation. Not one. The other one has had problems with me for a couple of years. Last year, we were friends, but that ended the moment that she decided that it would be fun to cyberbully me. I never did anything besides tell the counselor, not even while in the friendship, so she wouldn't have any reason to call me mean. If anyone was a bad person, it would be her. That just about sums up what my biggest insecurity is at the moment, but just keep in mind that if I had the time, I could have written a novel about my remaining insecurities.